Page 13 of Unexpected Boyfriends

Suddenly I stop. I have to know.

“Axel?”

Axel stops just as he’s about to climb over another boulder. He turns and looks at me, one foot already perched on top of the rock.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something personal?” I say tentatively. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

Axel narrows his eyes and frowns slightly, but says, “Go ahead.”

I hesitate. I shouldn't be asking this. But I'm convinced something nearly happened back there and fuck it, I want to know.

“You don’t have to tell me, obviously, but, ah, are you gay?”

The question hangs in the air. My heart pounds in my chest. I wonder if I’ve overstepped here. My question isn’t just prompted by what might or might not have nearly happened back at the blowhole, but that moment has given me the courage to ask. I hope I haven’t blown our developing friendship by asking such a deeply personal question. But I really, really want to know.

After a moment, surprisingly, a funny smile creeps across Axel’s handsome face.

“Yeah, I am,” he says.

He doesn’t look angry or upset that I’ve asked, so I ask another thing I’ve been wondering about.

“Do your parents know?”

“Yeah, they do. I came out to them when I was about fifteen.”

“How did they take it?”

“They were pretty cool about it, actually. Told me my sexuality was nothing to be ashamed of and was no-one’s business but my own. They even asked if I had a boyfriend. But they did also warn me that not all of society would be accepting and that I should be careful.”

“Wow, that does sound pretty cool of them.”

I can’t help feeling wistful.

“Must be nice not having to hide,” I say.

“It is. Are you thinking of coming out to yours?”

“Not really. I’d like to, but they won’t be accepting.”

“You’re already eighteen though, aren’t you? Technically, you're an adult. It's not really their business.”

“No. But we know how that goes.”

“Yeah, true.”

“And I want to go to Uni.I can get a student loan for the fees, but I’ll still need to live somewhere and money to eat and stuff.I get a small inheritance which I collect when I turn 19 in September,which is probably gonna be enough to live independently if I had a job as well. But if I get into vet school, I’ll be studying full-time, and I won’t be able to work enough hours to support myself, so I'm still gonna be dependent on my parents to some extent I think.” Justin’s voice trails off.

“That’s tough. It’s exhausting trying to stay under the radar. You’ll get there though. It won’t be like this forever,” Axel adds encouragingly.

“Yeah, I guess.”

"19's an unusual age for an inheritance, isn't it? I thought those things were usually at 18 or 21 or something like that."

I laughed. Uncle Jim, who had left me the inheritance, was a funny guy, very particular. He'd been convinced if he left me any money before I'd finished school, that I'd blow it on parties or something trivial, but he'd wanted me to have it to put towards a gap year when I finished, or to help support me while I went to university. Because I'd started school late, the inheritance had been set for when I turned 19. I would have rather Uncle Jim had been still around, but he'd passed away some years ago.

I resume walking. I really wish I could be like Axel and have the courage to come out, but no, that’s not happening anytime soon. I’ve heard enough derisive comments coming out of my family’s mouths to know exactly how they would react.

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