Page 54 of Desperately Yours

Fitz

The sun had set an hour ago. Music carried faintly down the halls. The ball had started without me. And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to do my duty.

“Where are you?” I whispered into the night. “Why would you leave me?” My grip tightened on the letter she’d left. If it was meant to be a source of comfort, she’d failed horribly. Instead, I felt as though she’d torn my heart out and took it with her. I loved her. I needed her. But where was she? Why would she leave without so much as a goodbye?

Sincerely, Michaela.

Her words banged around my head like a toddler with a drum set. Never once had she signed a letter that way, and I couldn’tlet it go. Was it a message? If so, what was I supposed to see?

I ignored the knock at my door. Whoever it was, it wasn’t her.

Of course, Bishop had never been one to wait for permission.

“Heard it’s the big night, Cousin.” He came in as if the world hadn’t collapsed around me. “Not quite the girl you wanted, but marriage was the goal and at least you’re getting that. Relief for me, really.”

“Who says I’m going through with it?” I barely muttered the words, but Bishop didn’t miss a beat.

“Of course you are. Don’t be barmy. It’s who you are.” He clapped his hands together once. “You’ll pout. You’ll feel your duty, and then you’ll shape up at the last moment and do what’s expected of you.”

“You’re so sure, are you?” I shook my head, knowing it wasn’t that simple.

“Absolutely.” He joined me on the balcony, content to watch the night for a moment before he spoke. “Remember when we were kids? They had that parade of royalty. They gussied us up and told us we had to greet all those dignitaries, and you and I, we just wanted to go down to the pond and find pollywogs, right?”

I definitely remembered. I threw a fit that rivaled most natural disasters. The clothes, the hair, the waving and bowing and playing the part, I wanted nothing of it. I wanted to be a normal boy for once and I made it known to anyone who was within the sound of my voice.

“But what happened, Leo? Where were you when the time came?”

My gaze dropped to my feet. I played the game. I did my duty. The clothes, the hair, everything to fulfill the standard I’d been born into. Fit or not, by the end, I did what was expected.

“That wasn’t the only time either.” Bishop nudged me. “Last year of school, you took that troll to the spring ball because her father was considering trade relations with Nolcovia.”

“She wasn’t that bad,” I interjected.

“She had a pig nose and she called you her teeny tiny prince all night while she groped you every chance she got.”

I tipped my head as I considered it. “But we got the trade, didn’t we?”

“And university? And girlfriends? And where you spend your summers and your winters. It all comes back to the same thing.” He waited like he thought I might say it. “Duty. You can’t help it, Leo. You’re bound to it. And thank heavens you are, because it gives me freedom.”

“And what if I don’t? What if it falls to you… tonight? Are you prepared, Cousin?”

He shrugged. “Sadie seems like a decent gal. Maybe I can give her a separate wing of the palace. Just because we’d be married, doesn’t mean I’d have to see her, right?”

My shoulders slumped. I couldn’t get after him for that answer, not when I’d had the thought only ten minutes ago. But it wasn’t fair. Sadira deserved better.

“She’s not bad. You know that. Over time, I could develop real feelings, deeper than what I have now.” I kicked at the ground, softly scraping my black dress boots against the concrete. “But she’s not…”

“Her,” Bishop finished for me. “I know.”

I closed my eyes and let the frigid air slip over me. If only it could freeze my heart as well. Maybe it would save me from this pain.

“You saw her,” I tried to keep my emotions stable, “would she really leave me?”

Bishop groaned as if I’d asked him the one question he didn’t want to answer. “I dunno. She was freaked out. Fixatedon your mother and how she might poison everyone. She was determined to track down some crates to prove that she’d been smuggling in something serious, but we checked the cellar, at least we started to.”

“What do you mean?” My heart sparked to life, jolted by some unknown meaning in his words. “Did she give up?”

“No,” Bishop became evasive, “she was determined to see it through. We argued and I left.”

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