Page 38 of Desperately Yours

Well, he had me there. When we were kids, he used to sneak out on the weekends, climb the tree outside my window, and we would sneak out to watch the stars with mugs of cocoa made from a generic brand of powdered mix, extra marshmallows for his.

As if reading my mind, Fitz pointed at the lights that twinkled overhead. “I knew we couldn’t see the stars from within the forest, so I had them brought down to you instead.”

It warmed my heart to see the way he’d tried to reenact the parts of our past that we both held sacred. I knelt on the quilts as Fitz made quick work of pouring the cocoa into mugs he’d fetched from the chest. Close as I could tell, Bishop had thought of everything. If Tom was smart, he would scoop him up to work as a producer on his reality shows. The perfection of the moment had me forgetting it was well after midnight, somewhere around freezing, and this sort of behavior was probably punishable by death. All I could see was my best friend becoming the man of my dreams.

At least until my hand wrapped around the mug. That quickly reminded me of how cold I’d become on our ride. I breathed in the steam that rose, intoxicated by the aroma of rich chocolate and cream. I looked up to find Fitz watching me, an expression of wonder painted across his features.

“This is a far cry from our powdered mix and stale marshmallows, Fitz.”

My words broke his trance and he smirked. “I would say much has changed between us since those days, wouldn’t you agree?”

I couldn’t keep eye contact for too long. His dark eyes left me breathless and tingly. My mind immediately went to that kiss we’d shared only a few minutes ago. I wanted more. I wanted to sink into him and get lost, but what was the point? We were at an impasse. His father didn’t like me. His mother hated me. The law said we couldn’t be together and—

“Did you ever… have feelings for me when we were younger? Any attraction at all?”

His question drew me out of my internal world and pushed me back to the past. “Um, I…” It felt like a test, and I worried I might fail, but all I had was the truth. “Honestly? No. Wewere just kids, and you were my best friend. My only friend for a little while. I wouldn’t have been willing to risk it.” I pressed my lips together and waited for his reaction, but I didn’t see any disappointment, only introspection. I tilted my head. “Why? Did you?”

Fitz looked down at his mug, smirk deepening by the second. “Um… once, but nothing came of it.”

Michaela

Itightened my grip on my mug but waited for an explanation. “What do you mean, once? You mean here? Because, yes, obviously, that would change my answer—”

“No,” he cut me off, voice nervous, “in America.” Fitz cleared his throat. “About two months before I was supposed to leave. I uh… realized… I’d taken a fancy to you and I um… meant to do something about it.”

I narrowed my eyes, like it would help me see through any lies. “You never said anything to me…”

“No, I suppose I didn’t.” His tongue ran over his bottom lip as he gently shook his head, obviously lost in the memory. “It was spring, and there was that dance, um, the formal. I had plannedto ask you to go with me. I suppose I thought it might change things for us, put us in a new light and, I dunno, I always liked your dresses.” Fitz ducked his head, magically transformed into a bumbling teenager again. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. It was ages ago.”

Sweeping it under the rug wasn’t an option at this point. “Wait. I still don’t understand. You never asked me to the dance. The only time I saw you with flowers was when you asked Halley Marsh to the…” My mouth dropped open as the pieces fell into place. That was the year that my crush, Tanner Bates, asked me to the dance out of nowhere. He took a knee outside homeroom, asked me in front of everyone, and kissed me square on the lips when I said yes. I could still feel the excitement in my chest knowing that he was into me too. Then I turned and saw Fitz with a bouquet of roses…

“Those were for me?” My tiny voice barely carried. “You wanted to askme?”

“Yeah,” Fitz clipped the word short and looked away. “But the way you were smiling, and knowing how much you liked him, I mean, it was my fault anyway.”

“Hold on.” I leaned forward. “Start at the beginning because I feel like I’m missing something.”

Fitz groaned like I was interrogating him. Maybe I was, but I had to know. He crawled the short distance to the trunk of the tree and flopped against it. Eyebrows elevated, he motioned with his fingers for me to follow. I tilted an eyebrow, as if to let him know that I would only give in if he was planning to make this story time. His face caved in frustration, my silent cue that I was about to get my way. I covered the distance and curled up under his arm. Fitz brought both of us forward as he stretched to grab one of the quilts. Within seconds, he unfurled it over us and tucked it around me, snuggling me in tight. With warmth fuzzingover my whole frame and his head leaning against mine, I almost forgot about his story.

Thankfully, he didn’t.

“It was locker talk. Nothing crass, mind you. But I knew how much you were infatuated with Tanner, and I thought perhaps I could help him see you the way I did. They all knew we were friends and I told him all your best qualities and how much you’d changed my life.” He pressed a kiss against the top of my head and lingered as if lost in the memory. “Somewhere along my convincing, I suppose I convinced myself. Tanner claimed he was asking someone else, so I thought I was in the clear. You teased me about those flowers most of the day and I couldn’t get the brass to speak up, until I finally did, but…”

His regret hung off the little puffs of vapors that clouded in front of us. I had no idea he’d ever felt any of it.

“You looked at me and I couldn’t let you know, so I slapped that bouquet into Halley’s arms and pretended she was the plan all along.” Fitz tightened his arm around me. “For the record, you were beautiful in that dress. You took my breath away. Every time he touched you, I couldn’t help but get rather jealous. I spent the evening wishing I was standing in his place.”

I shook my head, still not understanding. “I never went out with Tanner again though. You could have put the moves on me after the dance, but you never—”

“I saw how it ended,” Fitz cut me off. “One night on his arm and you were over him. I’d listened to you fawn on and on about him for almost an entire year, and one date with him cured you of ever wanting to spend another second in his presence.” Fitz’s finger hooked under my chin to urge me to look at him. “I couldn’t let the same happen to us. You meant too much to me.”

He wasn’t wrong. Tanner was a jerk most of the night. He talked about football, burped the alphabet, and grabbed my buttwhen we were slow dancing. I saw him for who he really was and when he asked me out again, I made sure I was always busy.

“But it could have been different with us. What if we—”

His lips pressed against mine, cutting off the words before I could speak. He pulled away only a second later, gaze taking me in like fine art, eyes full of wonder. “If that sacrifice brought us to this moment, then it was worth the wait.”

I drew closer to his warmth, cuddled in close, feeling so small and yet protected in his arms. “How is this any different though? Why are you willing to risk it now?”

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