Page 72 of By His Side

“Right?” What else could I say?

“You were innocent. You were always innocent.”

I laughed, because what else could I do? “I told you that time and time again.BeforeI went to prison,whilstI was in there, the few times you deigned to visit, andafterI got out. I had to use emotional blackmail to get you to let me stay here.”

“I know.” Tears were running freely down my mother’s face now. “And I should have known you weren’t capable of covering a murder up. Not my little Felix. I know I can’t ever make it up to you, but I want to try. I really do.”

It would have been the perfect cue to get up and leave, and I could picture myself doing it—the equivalent of a mic drop. I could leave knowing that she finally knew the truth, that it had taken the courts admitting to a miscarriage of justice for her to reach that conclusion. Icould go home to Darien and hold him tight, kiss his hair and then kiss a few other parts of him that would make him moan—my boyfriend incredibly responsive. But if I did that, things would carry on exactly the way they were with me and my mother. No bridges built. No hope of a future where we could get back to where we’d once been. Just two people living in the same city who shared genes and the loss of a man we’d both loved with all our hearts.

And then what? When she died, would I go to her funeral? Or would I have become so bitter and twisted about the whole thing that I’d give it a miss? It was a glimpse of a future I didn’t want. One that I could still avoid if I could find it within myself to forgive. “Julian was abusive,” I said, needing to go back to the beginning, just as I’d once tried at the kitchen table when she’d given me short shrift.

“I know.”

“He manipulated me into stopping coming here.”

She gave a jerky nod.

“It was him. Not me.”

Another nod. “I knew you weren’t happy. I should have seen what was going on, seen through all the bullshit. I should have been there for you and I wasn’t, and I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

“It’s in the past.” I almost laughed at the words I’d never used before, my chest suddenly feeling ten times lighter. Because it was in the past. And if I let it keep dragging me down, Julian still won. And I wouldn’t let the bastard have the satisfaction. I was going to be happy. I was going to euthanize the snarling dog and move on. And with Darien, I could do that. But not if I punished my mother for being human. If I got married, I wanted her there. I wanted her to get to know Darien and discover how wonderful he was. Not as a probation officer who’d once sat at her table, but as my boyfriend, as the man I loved, who’d taken my monochrome life and little by little broughtcolor into it. None of that could happen unless I extended an olive branch.

I took a deep breath and held my arms out. “Come here.” It had been years since we’d hugged, long before I’d gone to prison, and for one frozen moment as she stared at me without moving, I thought I’d misjudged how willing she was to reunite, that I’d pushed things too far, too fast. But then she almost threw herself into my arms. I squeezed her tight as she cried, tears welling in my own eyes and forcing me to blink them back. Because if we both cried, there was no telling how long we’d sit here before we got ourselves back under control.

Instead, I talked, content for her to listen without expecting a response. “Things have been good over the last few months. It’s been stressful waiting for the court of appeal to make their decision, but apart from that, it’s been great. Darien’s been an absolute rock. I don’t know what I would have done without him. Darien’s my boyfriend. You probably saw him on the news because he stayed by my side the whole time. You met him, remember, when he was my PO?”

I took the slight rock of my mother’s chin against my shoulder as a nod and confirmation that she remembered. “He gave up his job for me. He’s an absolute sweetheart, and I can’t wait for you to meet him properly.”

“I’d like that.”

The sincerity in her voice had me smiling. “I have a job as well.”

“Yeah?”

“Not doing what I did before. Working in a restaurant. Darien’s brother’s restaurant, actually, Quinn’s Brasserie.”

“I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never eaten there.”

“You should.Weshould. When I’m not working, obviously.”

She finally eased back, and I passed a box of tissues across. She took one and blew her nose loudly before reaching for another.“I don’t deserve for you to forgive me that easily.”

I let out a slow breath. “I just want my mother back. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy and that I won’t bear a grudge, but if we’re both willing to work on it, then hopefully, we can get there.”

She was nodding before I’d even finished speaking. An immense feeling of calm swept over me. If someone had told the man leaving prison that he’d have a wonderful boyfriend, a job that he enjoyed no matter how much of a tyrant Hayden could be, a quashed conviction, and the ability to start afresh with my mother, I doubt I would have believed them. Actually, that was an understatement. I probably would have laughed so hard it hurt. But that was exactly what had happened.

My mother turned to study the detritus on the floor, her expression troubled. “I’ll give you a hand clearing it up,” I offered. “It would be useful to go through it. I’m sure there’s some stuff here that’s not worth keeping.”

She managed a tremulous smile. “That would be nice. I’ll put the kettle on.”

Epilogue

Darien

The sound of the front door opening told me Felix was home from the restaurant. To my surprise, Felix didn’t seem to mind Hayden ordering him around, treating even his darkest moods with little more than an eye roll. Maybe because if anyone could understand dark moods, he could. Only he’d had far more reason to rail against the world than my brother ever had.

“Darien?”

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