Page 24 of Dreamers Often Lie

“Ok… That was… not smart.” Merc tried to ease the tension, but then he turned to me. “I’ll give you that. But love is love, Ty. There are no rules. Sometimes, one glance is all you need to know. Maybe that’s what they have.” He sounded so fucking sincere it sent a chill up my spine.

“Love is a fucking lie. Love only binds you to someone who can destroy you with a word. It leashes you to fear and despair. You can’t eat love or be safe with love – because love is never safe, and it can’t fulfill you. It just leaves you aching and craving more.”

“Maybe we should talk to you about getting therapy.” Merc frowned. “I would disagree with everything you said.”

“Why am I not surprised? I think you’d argue with a fucking door.” I chuckled. Was I wrong? What was it about love that made me so scared of it?

Merc reached over and took my hand in his. It felt comfortable and safe, which made me tense up. “Love isn’t something that you can change. It’s not a fixed point on a bullseye that you have to aim for. It’s flexible and diverse and means something different to every person who breathes. Love is like the oxygen that gives us hope.”

“Hope is also useless and fixes nothing.” I shook my head sadly. I had hoped, and that hope had died a long time ago. It had been a meaningless exercise that had taught me a harsh lesson. The only person you could ever count on was yourself.

“Maybe Merc is right, Ty. You sound so depressed. Maybe you should talk to someone.” Jules hiccupped. “Ty, you are my best friend. My… only friend, really. Out of all the hos in the house, you are the only one I love. I would do anything for you. Iknowwhat love is. How can you tell me that I don’t know it when it has overcome every one of my senses? I breathe, and I smell Roam. I hear people talking, and I hear his deep murmurs in my ear. I may be a littlefool. But I know this to be the most important truth I have ever known.”

“Ok… I can’t argue with you. I won’t.” I felt the tension slump out of my shoulders like I had let go of a boulder. It was out of my hands. I had to let Jules… be Jules.

“I’m not you. My heart was never hardened by the past. I crave this, and I have yearned for it. Now it’s here – with Roam.”

“Will you give me a few days to figure this out? I won’t let you be Paris’. I can at least promise you that.”

“I know. I trust you with everything that I am.Love, Ty.Thisis what loveis.” Jules smiled sadly at me. “And I think you know much more than you are letting yourself know right now.”

“He’s much wiser than you ever told me.” Merc laughed. “So, we need to come up with a plan.”

The sound of his laughter filled me with a warmth that turned to a chill.

Escaping Cappie or Monty was impossible. But there had to be a way. If there was a way for Jules… Maybe there was a way for me.

Merc touched me a lot through the night, and when he looked at me, I craved it. I wanted more of it, and that scared me.

Love? How would I ever know if it was real or even existed?

10

Merc

It felt weird to walk into a studio that I didn’t know.

Cappie and Monty couldn’t agree on which of our studios to use, so they rented one between our two houses. Cappie's guys were there, and so were Monty’s. There were a lot of people standing around in the studio, and that made me cringe.

It was odd to be nervous. It felt like my first time, and in some ways it was. I had never bottomed on camera. I had also never had so many fucking people in the studio when I filmed. Usually, it was the director, a cameraman or two, and a guy with a boom.Thiswas an audience. The fucking lawyers were here, man. What were they going to do? Kill us and film it? It would probably be the highest rating of any porn film in the history of porn, but that was a record I didn’t care to be a part of.

After listening to Jules’ problems and watching him with Roam – I began to rethink the fun I was having. This had stopped being fun a lot longer ago than I cared to admit. Sex was fun. The guys were pretty cool. Ben and Roam were great most of the time. Well, Ben was great all the time. But the glimmer hadfaded from the life I lived. Walking in here felt like walking into a viper’s den.

I nodded at Monty as I made my way back to the dressing rooms at the back of the soundstage. It wasn’t a very big soundstage, not like the ones used in the big movies we all loved, but there in the middle of the space sat a bed and nothing else. The way the lights were hitting it made my stomach churl. This was going to be weird. My skin tingled with a chill as I opened the door.

Ty sat on a wooden chair and looked paler than I had ever seen him.

“Hey,” I nodded, trying to keep this as professional as possible. After yesterday's conversation with Roam and Jules, I realized that even if I had started to feel things for Ty, it wasn’t healthy for me to continue down that path even if I were fascinated by him. He was closed off, and I was finally beginning to want something real. I don’t think I could have that with him, even if his mere presence sent me into a flirtatious tizzy. To have something real – you had to have it with someone who was also available. Ty had made it pretty clear where he stood. But still… It was going to be Ty and me on that bed. His cock and my cock, our two holes, his hands on my body, and that made me a total freaking mess. I wanted it. I wanted him. I just had to remember that this was a job and not anything else between us.

“This is going to be insane. Did you see all the people that those assholes brought to watch? What the actual fuck?” Looking at him, I could tell he was as nervous as I was. That made me breathe a little easier.

“Yeah. It’s strange,” I mumbled. It was hard to look at him and breathe at the same time. I threw my bag against the wall and stared at myself in the mirror.

“What’s wrong with you?” He pulled his arms behind his back, and I heard the crack of his spine.

“I’m… just nervous, I guess. We have a huge audience. I wonder if they’ll applaud at the money shot?” I said disgustedly.

“Do we need to discuss anything about our… preferences? Anything off the table?” He stood up and pulled his shirt over his head. His taught body rippled with muscle, and I inhaled sharply. God, I wanted him.

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