Page 52 of For the Rest of Forever

“He did.”

“Because you asked him... because you knew it would make me happy.” Allen tilted his head back, and there was another small, soft smile on his face that made Greg’s heart stutter. God, it was everything. A real, true smile. Something honest and full of love and not dulled by pain and anxiety and uncertainty.

He bent down and kissed Allen slowly, tenderly, then pulled back. “I did, and I did,” he admitted quietly, and then he pressed another kiss to Allen’s cheek before he dropped his arms from around his husband. “Would you like coffee? Or maybe tea?”

“Yeah, um, tea, I think. That’s probably best.”

With a nod, Greg started over into the kitchen, and Allen followed. “We had that chamomile and lavender tea last night, but I think I saw a few other teas as well. Green tea, maybe, and then something with ginger and honey.”

Together, they rummaged through the cupboard to find the stash of about five different types of teas. Allen chose that “something with ginger and honey” Greg had thought he’d seen, although it ended up being a blend of lemon balm and ginger. Then, as Allen settled at the table, Greg got started preparing the tea and their breakfast.

The conversation stayed light, and that hopeful feeling inside him continued to grow, buoying his spirit. Allen was grinning,joking with him, and laughing, and it all just seemed right and made so much more sense than everything else had the last few weeks.

So when he moved their prepared bagels and tea and coffee to the table and then sat down next to Allen a few minutes later, the question slipped out before he could think whether or not he should have asked it.

“Should we go out somewhere today?”

As soon as he saw Allen blink and lower his eyes to his bagel, Greg realized his mistake. His voice had beentooeager,tooexpectant, like he was hoping or expecting Allen would say yes. Like that mattered for Greg’s own happiness. And of course, that was the farthest thing from the truth. He immediately opened his mouth to backtrack, but stopped when Allen looked back up at him, smiling.

“Actually, yeah, I was thinking we could,” he said. “Remember that trail along the southern coast, by American Camp? I can’t recall the name of the trail, but we went there a few summers back with Ron and Faye?”

Greg nodded slowly. “South Beach, yeah.”

“I think it’s fairly flat and—and I should be able to handle it. It’s got some really gorgeous views, especially on a day like today when it’s clear and sunny.” Allen blinked, and his smile faltered just enough that Greg shook his head slightly.

“It’s an easy trail, yes, but darling, I shouldn’t have implied—”

“It’ll be good,” Allen cut in, his fuller smile returning and a twinkle in his eyes. “Relaxing. And I think the fresh air will be good for me. We should go.”

Greg hesitated. He wanted to agree emphatically, immediately start planning their day, jog out to the SUV to grab his hiking backpack so he could load it up with water and trail-appropriate snacks. He wanted to believe the twinkle in Allen’s eyes, not the falter inhis smile. And he wanted to see this as a positive thing—Allen’s willingness to go out somewhere and do something. But something in the pit of Greg’s stomach wouldn’t let him do any of that. At least, not without talking all of it through with Allen first.

“It sounds perfect,” he said carefully. He turned his chair slightly so he was facing Allen more, and then he reached over with one hand and cupped Allen’s cheek as he studied his husband’s eyes. So wonderfully kind. A soft gray-blue. The same eyes he’d fallen in love with so many years ago. He wanted to find all the answers there—all the answers and all the certainties. But he saw a hint of something else, and his smile tightened just a little. “I’d love to go hiking with you, always. But not at the expense of your health, or just because you think I need to or want to, or if you still need to rest.”

Greg let his hand slide down from Allen’s cheek to his neck, and he tugged gently, pulling them together so he could kiss Allen’s forehead.

“I promise you,” he continued, “I will be perfectly content staying here and taking care of you all day. I will be perfectly happy, always, to just be here with you.”

“And I promise you, I wouldn’t have suggested it if I weren’t ready and sure,” Allen countered, though his tone stayed light. A playful smile lit up his face as he picked up his bagel. “I mean, if you want to stay here that badly, I can always just go by myself.”

A light huff of laughter escaped Greg, and he shook his head. He still wasn’t quite convinced—it seemed too soon, and he’d been mistaken to even suggest they head out—but when he searched Allen’s face for any sign of reluctance or anxiety or exhaustion, he really couldn’t find it.

“I’d love to go, darling. When do you want to leave?”

***

Greg parked the SUVin the otherwise-empty parking lot at South Beach and glanced over at his husband. Allen had been unusually talkative most of the drive, which had been great, but the last couple of minutes, he’d quieted down, and now, as Greg smiled and reached over to take Allen’s hand, his stomach twisted in a knot.

Allen was shaking.

Just barely. Just a little. But Greg could feel it.

He squeezed Allen’s hand gently, and Allen turned to him, his smile strained and not bright—nothing like it had been earlier that morning or late last night.

A string of silent curses ran through Greg’s mind, and he fought to keep his own expression neutral. He brought Allen’s hand up and brushed a soft kiss on his knuckles. “You know, maybe we should—”

“My hiking boots—they’re still in the back, right?” Allen interrupted, pulling his hand away and reaching for the door handle. “I don’t want my tennis shoes to get dusty.”

“Yeah, but—”

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