Page 54 of For the Rest of Forever

He reacted quickly, lunging forward to catch Allen as Allen turned to him and nearly collapsed with some sort of strangled gasp. Allen’s legs seemed to have given out completely, and he felt cold and weak in Greg’s arms.

“Greg, you—you can’t. I thought you could. I-I wanted you to. But—but you can’t,” Allen mumbled incoherently, his voice wavering as he clung tighter to Greg. “P-please don’t. Please don’t.”

“Please don’t? Please don’t what?” Greg’s heart began to race as he struggled to hold Allen upright, and he quickly glanced around them. The ground was flat enough, grassy. “Allen? Allen, let’s sit, okay?”

“Yeah. Y-yeah. I—I’m not okay.”

“I know, darling. I’ve got you, though. Here.”

Slowly, Greg managed to lower them to the ground, and then he held Allen, his heart now hammering so hard his chest hurt, as Allen’s shaking worsened and he began mumbling nonsense words, clinging to the front of Greg’s shirt and taking short, uneven breaths.

It seemed like... something akin to a panic attack. Maybe?

God, Greg didn’t really know. All he knew was how much he hoped his husband could still hear him.He pressed a kiss to Allen’s temple and started countering Allen’s words with his own quiet affirmations of love, like he always had when Allen was struggling.

And he held onto his husband tighter, tears now slipping down his cheeks.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Allen

Wrong. He’d been so,so wrong.

And now—now his heart was pounding hard in his chest and unevenly and skipping beats here and there, and he had to be having a heart attack. Also, he couldn’t breathe right.

He had to be dying. Right here, in the middle of the trail, in his husband’s arms.

All because he’d been wrong.

“Shh, shh. You’re okay, Allen. Listen to my voice now. I’m here, and I love you, and you’re okay. Breathe now, darling. Slow and steady.”

Greg’s voice was his only anchor, but he knew it wouldn’t help in the end. Already, he felt detached from his body. Like he didn’t belong. Like he was on his way somewhere else.

He gasped for air and managed to say something, but the words sounded incoherent even to him. “Greg, I can’t do it. Please don’t go. Please. Iwas wrong, and—and—and—”

His words didn’t even make sense. What was he even trying to say? Something about a mountain. And how he’d wanted Greg to—to go. But now... but now he didn’t? Now he needed Greg to stay? Maybe?

God, if he didn’t even know what he meant, how would Greg have any idea?

A sensation like sharp pinpricks rippled through his hands and up his arms, and then his chest tightened again, uncomfortable and painful. And Allen whimpered and screwed his eyes shut harder.

“I’m not going anywhere, Allen.” Lips pressed lightly against his temple. “I’m here now, and I’ll be here with you always. I’m not going anywhere.” A warm breath ruffled his hair. “I love you. You are loved and worthy and always will be. And I’m here. I’m here.” A hand caressed his back. “Breathe with me, darling. Please.”

Desperation.

He could feel it inside of him, and he could hear it in Greg’s voice. He nodded weakly, barely able to respond, but then he tried. He tried his absolute best.

He flattened one hand against Greg’s chest so he could feel as it rose and fell, keeping a slow, controlled rhythm.

“That’s it, darling.”

In and out. Slowly. There was a shudder and a hitch to his inhale, and the exhale was too fast, all wrong.

“You can do it. Slow and steady. I love you. I’m here.”

“I was going to tell you to go, though. I was—but you shouldn’t—god, I can’t—”

“Shh, shh. I’m here. I’m not going. I’m staying right here with you. Breathe now, Allen. Please.”

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