Page 35 of For the Rest of Forever

Allen tilted his head, trying to remember what trips Greg might have coming up, but he was drawing a blank. Greg seemed confused for a second as well, and then he shook his head and cleared his throat.

“Ah, well, no. There’s no trip or anything,” Greg corrected, leaning forward a bit to rest his elbows on his knees. He seemed to stare off toward Mount Si in the distance, but then he blinked and sat back up. “A long-time client of mine wanted to contract me to get photos from the summit of Jack Mountain for a birthday gift for his wife. But it’s not in the cards for me this year, I’m afraid. Too short notice, really.”

There was a hint of reluctance in Greg’s voice that was unmistakable, at least to Allen. He swallowed tightly but forced his smile not to falter, even when Greg’s eyes darted to his for the briefest of moments. And it was then that Allen remembered two nights ago, when he’d come home from work and found Greg researching Jack Mountain on his computer in the garage office.

He pursed his lips as he watched Greg’s jaw tighten. When their eyes met again, the concern in Greg’s expression was clearly etched across his face.

“Ah, damn. Too bad,” Joe said, leaning back casually in his chair. “A client-funded trip like that? Would have been incredible.”

It would have been. Allen gripped the bottle in his hand a little tighter, and it made a quiet crackling noise as the plastic bent inward slightly.

It would have been the trip of a lifetime.

With stark clarity, Allen suddenly remembered the look he’d seen on Greg’s face Friday night, his eyes drawn to the photo of the mountain on his computer screen. Greg’s expression had been filled with longing. Excitement. Awe. But had quickly made a sharp change to resignation.

“I can’t do it,”he’d said.

Because of me.

Allen tried to fight the thought, to ignore the drop in his stomach—that uncomfortable swoop that also made taking a breath difficult. He forced his gaze out to the lawn, where Beans had just been tackled by Poppy. The smaller dog jumped back to his feet, barked playfully, and zipped off again.

“Hey, Joe, thanks again for hosting. We should probably get back,” Greg said abruptly, and Allen found himself nodding, pulling himself out of the daze. Sort of. He watched as Joe and Greg stood up and shook hands. They said a few more words. Joe came over and shook Allen’s hand too, telling him something.Take it easy, probably.

But Allen felt miles away.

“Come on, darling, let’s get home,” Greg said after Joe stepped away.

Allen just nodded and then took Greg’s hand and allowed his husband to help him to his feet. He stood slowly, as he’d been making sure to do since the incident at the library the morning prior, and Greg’s arm immediately slipped around his waist to provide him just a little more support.

“Don’t think anything of it, darling.” Greg brushed a kiss on Allen’s cheek. “We’ll talk when we get home. It’s nothing. I promise.”

It didn’t feel like nothing. But then again, Allen had been feeling everything at tenfold intensity lately. Every word and every thought. Everything amplified. Maxed out. So whatever hewasfeeling, he couldn’t really trust it anyway.

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” he said, as much to try to reassure himself as Greg, and he let Greg support him as they started toward the side gate that connected their yard with Joe’s.

He was vaguely aware of Beans racing next to them, Joe calling out another goodbye, and Greg’s arm tightening around himwhen they were in the privacy of their own yard again. But he felt off. Not like the day before—not weak and out of breath. Just... off. So when Greg led him up the steps of the back porch, in through the back door, and straight out to the garage, Beans shadowing them the whole time, Allen just followed wordlessly.

“I should have explained more to you on Friday night. But I want you to hear the whole thing now, so you’re not worrying when you don’t need to,” Greg said as he directed Allen to sit at his desk.

“Greg, I said it’s fine. I don’t—” He closed his eyes as he cut himself off and his husband knelt down in front of him. Greg’s hands came to rest on his knees, squeezing gently.

There was a pause, a few extra seconds of silence, and then Greg began speaking again, his voice sure and calm. “The last week has been one of the most trying I think we’ve ever faced together, Allen. Between what those boys did last Sunday and then what happened yesterday, it’s been... more than difficult.” He felt Greg’s hands press into his knees just slightly, and he opened his eyes to see Greg standing up and reaching out toward his computer mouse. “Paul and I spoke on Friday, early afternoon,” Greg continued as he clicked to open up a file folder. “He wanted to contract me for a custom photoshoot of Jack Mountain and the surrounding wilderness as a gift for his wife, just like I told Joe.”

On the computer screen, several images popped up, along with a text document showing a list of bullet points. Greg had mapped a route with potential camping sites, estimated the time and distance and elevation changes, started noting all the equipment and supplies he’d need to carry with him.

Gently, Greg pushed a notepad in front of Allen on the desk. “This was the timeline. This was the problem,” Greg said, pointing to the paper. Allen frowned as he saw the sketch of a roughtimeline, with the words “Must be off the mountain by late September” double underlined.

“I-I don’t... You don’t have anything else going on,” Allen argued. “I mean, there’s the art festival in Edmonds that you might have to miss. But I can get Joe to help me, and we can still man your booth. It’s short notice, but I can cover for you. I’ve done that before, and...”

Allen trailed off as Greg shook his head. “It’s too soon, Allen. I’d have to leave in only a couple weeks. And I’d be gone for at least a week, a week and a half. And most of the time with no cell phone reception. I—”

“You can’t miss this chance because of me,” Allen cut in, his heart starting to pound in his chest. “Just because I—because I’m struggling with anxiety and—and whatever else is going on. Greg, I’vealwaysstruggled, you know that. And I...willprobably always struggle. You can’t let that stop you from doing something like this. It’s an incredible opportunity, and this is your career. It’s your career and your passion, and—”

“Yes, that’s true,” Greg said gently as he turned back to Allen, knelt down, and set his hands on Allen’s thighs. The seriousness in Greg’s expression caused an uncomfortable tightness in Allen’s chest, but he managed to hold Greg’s gaze. Greg shook his head slightly. “And I won’t even try to deny that I want to go. It’s an amazing opportunity that I’ll probably never be given again. It’s my career and my passion. But Allen, it’s also yourlife. Which of those things do you honestly think is the most important to me?”

Chapter Fifteen

Greg

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