Page 31 of For the Rest of Forever

Something sharp seemed to rattle through Greg’s chest at the obvious fear in Allen’s words, and he nodded into his husband and kissed the top of his head again. “I’m here with you. What is it you’re scared of?”

But Allen couldn’t seem to answer, and that was okay too. Greg just held him, sure to let Allen know exactly how much he was loved with the little touches and caresses he knew his husband needed.

When Allen spoke again, his voice had an odd sort of monotone to it. “I should probably just go back upstairs and rest. And then you can get back to your work. I’ve been keeping you from working lately, and I-I’m sorry. I... I mean...”

Greg waited patiently, giving Allen a chance to continue. But his heart ached again, and for a moment, he was reminded of the panic—his own panic. Twice in one week now. Twice in one week, getting a call from someone at the library, telling him to hurry and get there because Allen was not okay.

From his left pocket, he felt Allen’s cell phone buzz, and he frowned. “Hang on, darling,” he said, and he shifted slightly and pulled the phone out of his pocket. There were eight newnotifications, all from their group chat with the neighbors. Greg let out a short breath and scrolled through them briefly. It was more of the same—wishing Allen to get well soon. Rest and lots of fluids. And another invitation to the barbeque at Joe’s tomorrow. And a picture of Marcia’s twins smiling, with the caption of “Sending baby smiles and giggles just for you, Allen!”

Greg smiled weakly and turned the phone so Allen could see the screen. “Those two little babies adore you.”

Allen reached out to take the phone with a shaky hand, and when he tilted his head just slightly and a hint of a smile formed on his lips, Greg felt the tiniest bit of hope.

“Will they be there? Tomorrow, at the barbeque?”

“I think so,” Greg said. He took the phone back from Allen gently and scrolled up a bit to the conversation from a day or two ago. “Ah, yep. Marcia is bringing the twins, and she’s making that Jell-O fruit salad you like—with the mandarin oranges and pears.”

“Ahh, yum. Good, I... I hope I’ll have an appetite by then. I’m sorry, I—”

“Shh. Shh, darling.” Greg shoved the phone back into his pocket and then reached up and cupped his husband’s cheek. He brushed his thumb along Allen’s cheekbone as he gently encouraged Allen to look up at him, then he lowered his mouth to capture Allen’s lips in a soft kiss. He lingered there for a moment, letting his lips caress his husband’s, and when Allen pulled back, Greg still held them close, resting his forehead against Allen’s and slipping his hand down lower around to the back of Allen’s neck.

“I know I need to eat, but I... feel nauseous. And tired. Maybe... maybe I’ll just go upstairs again and take a nap or—or something,” Allen said. “But I—” He sighed and pressed a light kiss to Greg’s lips, and it was needy and had some desperation to it this time. “But I don’t want to be alone. And Beans doesn’t reallycount. So, um, I’ll just stay with you. Whatever you were going to do today. I’ll just...”

Allen’s words trailed off as though he had no more energy to speak, and he took a short but deep breath. The moment felt heavy, and Greg knew why. He wrapped both arms around his husband and held him tightly, letting his hand stroke Allen’s back.

“My only plan today was to spend my time with you,” Greg whispered, and he brushed his lips against Allen’s cheek. “Even before everything, that was my only plan.”

“Somehow, I doubt that,” Allen said, but there was a hint of playfulness to his tone, and Greg smiled.

“You’re my only plan, my love. I might have considered going out this afternoon—”

“You’d mentioned Seattle.”

“Yeah. But only with you. Only to spend time with you,” Greg murmured, and he pulled back a little to find Allen’s eyes. God, he looked exhausted. Greg brought his hand up again and settled it on Allen’s neck as he bit his lip.

“You know how cheesy that sounds, don’t you, dear?” Allen’s smile flickered very briefly, and Greg’s heart stuttered.

“I do. But I mean every word.” He leaned in again for another kiss, and then he pushed himself to his feet. “They said you need to rest as much as possible today, and you said you want a nap...” Greg took a breath and offered Allen his hand. “How about I’ll grab my laptop so I can edit those photos for that client in Mukilteo, and I’ll lie in bed with you while you rest. Okay?”

Allen’s hand tightened in his, and Greg stepped just a little closer to offer as much support as his husband needed. With a nod, Allen stood slowly, letting Greg help him. Beans jumped up and just out of the way but still stuck to Allen’s side as they made their way into the house and up the stairs.

***

Greg stared at thephoto open on his laptop, trying to focus. The final image for his client needed to be sent out to be printed no later than tomorrow, which normally wouldn’t be a problem. The edits he needed to finish were straightforward—just applying a preset filter and making some final touch-ups. But he couldn’t seem to settle down and get working.

True, he wasn’t used to working while sitting in bed. And Allen’s soft snoring next to him was distracting, though not intrusive.

He glanced down at his husband, whose hand rested lightly on Greg’s thigh. Allen had been sleeping now for at least a couple of hours, though it had taken him some time to fall asleep. And every once in a while, he shifted with a quiet moan or other indistinct sound as though he were uncomfortable or even in pain.

It hurt Greg’s heart.

Especially because he knew how much of that pain he’d caused.

They hadn’t gotten to talk much yet. They’d had visitors and had to make phone calls—both to Allen’s physician and to Dr. Schultz since their decision to wait until Monday didn’t really seem like the best option anymore. And then they’d tried to have lunch, although Allen really hadn’t been able to eat. Greg hadn’t even gotten a chance to apologize to Allen for his behavior that morning or to tell Allen how proud he was and how he’d finally seenexactlywhat Allen’s kindness had done with the two boys at the library.

And that hurt his heart even more.

He pursed his lips and glanced back at his computer screen. The scene—the photo he was supposed to be editing—was ofa waterfall. A small one that he’d found months ago when he’d gone off the main trail somewhere deep in the Mount Rainier wilderness. He’d followed a stream to where it had ended in a quiet pool fed by the small waterfall. It had been secluded and idyllic and serene—a huge contrast to many of the busy trails in the national park. And he’d taken his time, set up his tripod, sat and waited to capture the exact moment as sunlight filtered in through the trees, creating a prism of rainbow colors that danced around in the mist surrounding the ripples of water at the bottom of the falls.

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