Tia.
“What’s going on?” Tia’s concern was evident, not just in her gaze but in the wobble in her voice.
Fallon looked to Monti, hoping that she wouldn’t have to actually say the words out loud. Monti must have seen the panic, because she turned to Tia but still kept her hand on Fallon’s arm.
“It’s complicated.”
“Well, explain it to me.” Tia put her hands on her hips and stared the two of them down.
“Savannah is Athena’s client,” Monti said.
But that wasn’t really the problem, was it? They both knew that it was so much more than that. But Monti wasn’t going to out her to Tia. Fallon was going to have to be the one to tell them both everything, tell them that Savannah was more than a client, that she was more than a friend, that Fallon had no clue what they were to each other, but she was panicking because she didn’t know what to do or say.
“We’ve been…” Fallon stopped short.Fuckingreally would be the right word here, but she wasn’t sure she could say that out loud to both of them. But how else would she explain it? Dating wasn’t quite the right word either, was it? “…seeing each other.”
There. That fit. Mostly.
“Oh.” Tia’s face lit up slightly, although the smile faltered and moved back down into a frown. “What’s wrong, then?”
Fallon rolled her eyes and flopped onto the edge of the bed. She put her hands in her lap, wringing them together, afraid that she wouldn’t ever be able to get her sense of balance back after this. “I didn’t know she was Saylor’s boss. Why is everything six degrees of separation or less?”
Monti chuckled, sitting on Fallon’s left and holding her hand. “Because it’s truly the way things work out most of the time.”
Wincing, Fallon looked at Tia. “I met Savannah at the cemetery and found out shortly after that she was Athena’s newest client.”
“Shit.” Tia plopped onto the other side of Fallon. “I can’t imagine you handled that well.”
“No, I didn’t.” Fallon stared down at her toes, wishing her shoes were off so she could dig her toes into the rug to distract herself. “There’s a lot that I haven’t handled well when it comes to Savannah.”
“Are you in love with her?” Monti pushed, knowing far more about the situation than Tia.
As much as Fallon would have liked to avoid that, she knew she couldn’t. Not anymore. “This is the first time in fifteen years that I’ve gone beyond the physical with someone.”
Tia scrunched her nose, surely not wanting details, but Fallon had to share at least that much for them to understand what was going through her head and heart.
“So you’re dating?” Monti asked.
Fallon shook her head. “No. Yes. I mean, no. I don’t actually know. We haven’t discussed it.”
“But it’s more than sex?” Monti wrapped her hand around Fallon’s.
Nodding ever so slightly, Fallon closed in on herself. She could admit that openly now. She hadn’t managed that before, but tonight was the night for new things. Hell, this week was. She wanted to be in a deeper relationship with Savannah, butshe still desperately clung to the independence and privacy that she’d had all of her adult life. She wasn’t ready to bring Savannah into the fold that was her family.
Not yet.
She wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready for that, but she at least wanted the opportunity to do that in her own time. She hadn’t gotten that chance with Athena because of Monti. At least with Savannah she should get that choice, right?
“We decided that it’s more than sex last week.” Fallon bit the inside of her cheek. That was all the details they needed. They didn’t have to know what a fool she’d made of herself that night. “But we haven’t decided what we are.”
“Then you should probably be talking to her, not us.” Tia ran her fingers up and down Fallon’s arm like she used to do when Fallon was a kid and upset about something. The gentle touch was exactly what Fallon needed. It had the calming effect she’d been longing for.
“Yeah.” Fallon stared at the door, knowing that out there her world was going to crumble. Because she couldn’t do this. Savannah deserved far more than her pitiful effort at an attempted relationship. Fallon would hurt her—she already had. She’d seen it in the look that Savannah had given her when she’d barged her way out of the kitchen and into Tia’s room. That hurt had stung, not just Savannah but Fallon herself.
She wasn’t doing either of them any favors by keeping up the ruse that they could be more than fuck buddies. She would only end up hurting Savannah in the process, just like her father had hurt her, Monti, and Tia. She wouldn’t allow that to happen. She wouldn’t be the person who would ever put someone else in that situation.
“Sometimes I think you’re too much like me,” Tia said, squeezing Fallon’s hand. “Monti, would you give us a minute?”
“Uh… yeah. Sure.” Monti said nothing else as she stood up and left the bedroom.