Page 25 of Imperfectly Perfect

“Where are you going next?” She knew she better start some kind of conversation, otherwise the stale air between them was going to become too uncomfortable.

“I’m planning a trip to Kathmandu with Athena for next year.”

Fallon wrinkled her brow. “Next year?”

“It’s going well between us.”

“I’ve never known you to plan anything in advance.”

Monti shrugged. “People can change. Do you want me to order for you?”

“Oh. Sure.” Fallon leaned back as Monti and the waitress—or perhaps she was the owner—conversed in Vietnamese. She had no idea what was being said, but Monti seemed to be having the conversation of her life.

By the time the woman left, Fallon was feeling more inferior by the second. Which hadn’t been the point of coming out withMonti. But just what had been the point? Reconnecting. Right. Fallon folded her hands together in her lap, unsure of where to start.

They needed to be sisters again, which meant that Fallon was really going to have to learn to stop trying to parent Monti—which she’d done Monti’s entire life. But she had no clue how.

“I was surprised when you called the other night,” Monti started. “You seem to have distanced yourself since Athena and I started dating.”

That was true. Fallon had distanced herself, not just from Monti but also from Athena, and even Tia. She’d needed the time to process on her own, figure out what her role was going to be and where she fit into everything. And she’d decided that she didn’t. Not with the way their relationships were currently built, which led her right back to why she was here. To do something different.

“I struggle because of what happened with our parents,” Fallon said, starting right where she didn’t want to but knew they needed to. “I struggle in ways you don’t.”

“That’s to be expected.”

“I don’t need my psychologist sister right now, Monti.” Fallon frowned when Monti put her hands up in defense.

“That’s fair.”

Taking a deep breath, Fallon tightened her grasp on her fingers. She was so closed in on herself all the time that she could barely keep herself functioning most days. But she liked how she functioned because it worked. And making any changes threatened to topple her over on her ass.

“I met a woman about two months ago now, and I can’t help but wonder if I would be like her if I hadn’t grown up in our house.”

“What do you mean?”

Fallon wasn’t even sure what she meant by that. Or how to explain it in a way that Monti might be able to pick through and find the truth to the matter at hand. Fallon took her time though, because if there was anything that the two of them got right, it was patiently waiting for each other to speak. Most days anyway.

“Her ex—I think anyway—was far more abusive than she might recognize.”

“Oh, it’s so hard. Cycles of abuse, escaping it—it’s impossible to know what everyone’s limits are, where they begin or where they end.”

Except Fallon knew exactly where her limits were, and that was none. She couldn’t handle it. She’d barely managed to stay put while Forrest had berated Savannah in front of everyone there, especially in front of Brinley. She’d said what she said because she couldn’t stay silent, but she had watched Savannah not make a move one direction or the other.

That was the heart of her problem with a deeper relationship with Savannah, wasn’t it?

Savannah had taken the verbal beating without a second thought. Because she was so used to it that she couldn’t see how bad it was.

“Would you ever be with someone who was like that?”

Monti shook her head slowly. “Not on purpose. I have been, but as soon as it moved toward abuse, I got out quickly. It’s so easy to know what that looks like because we’ve been there. We were raised in it, and then we left it.”

“We were ripped from it.” Fallon’s voice was harsher than she anticipated it to be. But it was the truth. She hadn’t wanted to leave the abuse the way she had. The loss hadn’t been worth it.

“We were,” Monti agreed. “And then we were with Tia, and she did everything in her power to teach us thatthatlife isn’t healthy. It’s not good. It’s not normal. And she spentyearspounding that into our skulls.”

Fallon could agree with that, but it still meant that she was left where she was now. Single. Afraid of relationships. Terrified of love. And just because she’d met Savannah, she was pondering all her life choices, ones that she had held firmly to for decades. Ones she’d never been willing to budge on before.

“Is this all because of one woman?” Monti asked.

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