Page 115 of The Forbidden Fae King

Bleakness hits me hard and fast.

I walk through the lavish apartment and find Caitlin waiting for me on a recliner in the sitting room. She is sprawled out, flicking through an introductory book on fae runes.

“You’re a difficult person to find,” she snaps, but when she glances up at me, the scowl falls from her face. Caitlin drops the book, stands and wraps me in a rigid embrace. “What happened? Who do I have to murder?”

I shiver. “I promise I haven’t meant to avoid you.”

“I know,” she says into my hair, then pulls me back at arm’s length to examine my face. “I have given you space to enjoy your time with Aldrin, but I worry about you, Keira. I’m so afraid of your heart being broken again, and I think it will be infinitely worse this time.”

I almost break down and sob in her arms. “I think it is inevitable.”

“Don’t say that.” She stares into my eyes intensely. “Tell me what you need, and I will fight to the end for you to have it. I don’t know what is in your head right now.”

I shake my head to clear the demons clouding it. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. You’re afraid to say it, Keira. It’s just you and me here. This is a safe place.”

I suck in a sharp breath. “I think I have fallen for Aldrin.” Something splinters deep inside me at the admission. “But I can never have him. My duty is back home.”

“Fuck your duty!” she snaps. “You know what you will return home to! I will bring enough magic back for the both of us to satisfy yourduty. The way he looks at you and listens to your advice…gods Keira, it’s everything you have ever wanted!”

“It’s not just that. If I stay here, I will never see our family again?—”

Caitlin huffs a breath. “Aldrin can open the portals at will. Any fae can.”

“Not without severe repercussions. Aldrin and Cyprien fought a battle over it when we first met. It's not like I would be able to come home for dinner every Sunday. I am too afraid to make myself that dependent on a man. I can’t be at the mercy of anyone, even Aldrin. Not again. Not after dedicating my life to Finan and finding out it was a lie.”

“Don’t make Aldrin pay for Finan’s mistakes,” Caitlin says softly.

“Twenty-one years is a long time to wait in this realm for the portals to open if I make a mistake,” I whisper.

“So is seven years in our realm, if you come home when you truly want to stay here.” She pauses a moment. “Is this why you think you need to return home? Because you don’t trust Aldrin?”

Gods that cuts to the very core of my turmoil and tears spill down my cheeks. “I trust Aldrin more than I have trusted anyone in my life,but I don’t know if he loves me. If he would even want me here long term or as anything more than a lover.”

Caitlin tips her head to the side and gives me a hard look. “Lie to yourself, but don’t lie to me.”

My throat feels like it is closing up, but I force myself to continue. “It is Finan that I don’t trust. If I don’t marry him and steer his reign, he will destroy our kingdom with his whims, and Aldrin will never get the human alliance he needs to save his lands.

“I am leaving him because I love Aldrin. Because my staying with him would be his ruination. I can’t sit around here and watch his realm turn to ash and die.”

I burst into tears and Caitlin pulls me into her chest and cradles me while I cry and cry, my whole body shaking. She gently strokes my hair.

“Everything we have experienced of the fae is at complete odds with what we were taught,” Caitlin says after a long time, when my sobs have turned silent. “I think the priestesses pushed old prejudices onto us. What if we are the first ones who actually lived among the high fae, and visited their city? What if no one else knows any better?”

“That’s another reason why I need to return home, Caitlin.” My throat hurts as I speak.

Caitlin’s whole body tenses up. “Talk to Aldrin before you make up your mind, Keira. Hear him out. He deserves that. You should know what is on the table before you decide what to do. I will support you completely either way, but you need to choose soon. I hate to say it, but the portals are little over a week away from closing and the decision will be taken from you completely.”

Shivers run through my entire body.

I wish I could speak to Aldrin.

For him to court me with promises, but then I will never be able to leave when I know exactly how much he would offer me. I suspect he would give me the entire world on a silver platter if I asked for it.

Instead, I will give him everything he needs, by sacrificing my own happiness.

Chapter 30

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