Page 8 of Shadow's Sinner

“That's all I have,” I finally answer. I run my sweaty palms down my dress, trying to smooth it out. If I had to choose, I would love to try wearing pants, just once. But we were taught good religious girls wear dresses while whores and such wear pants.

“You’re telling me all you own–all you have in that bag—are dresses?” Lacey points to the bag near my feet. I glance down, my foot kicking the thing behind me.

“Yes…” I timidly say.

“What the fuck?” Ashley laughs.

I flinch at her words.

“That’s weird.” Alicia chuckles under her breath.

"Why…Shouldn't you all be wearing dresses as well?" I ask. I list my fingers together, trying to distract myself from their scowls. "I mean, from the church, all girls—all women are meant to wear dresses or skirts."

"I'm not from whatever church you're talking about," Emma chuckles.

My eyes scan over them, one by one, as they all look at me with a cruel smile like I had grown two heads. If they're not from the church, then where are they from? I was stupid to think this trip might have been good. I was growing excited to get out of that house to finally talk to someone other than the girls at my prep school. I wanted to get away from Lilianna, but I was wrong. They’re all like her. I’m always going to be the odd one out.

I take a deep breath, my nails dig into my palms, and my heart speeds up.

“Fucking freak,” one of them mutters. Bile rises in my throat, fear seeping into my chest.

Refusing to let them see me break, I bend down, yank my bag up, and hike it onto my shoulder. Mumbling that I have to pee, I take off into the woods. The bile rises higher in my throat, and I’m barely able to swallow it down before my knees buckle.Dry heaving, back hunched, I plunge a finger down my burning throat, hitting the uvula and causing my eyes to water. But nothing comes up. My hands drop to the ground, tears leaking down my cheeks. I shake my head, and using my finger, I shove it back into my throat, further down than I’ve done before, until vomit spews out of my mouth and all over my fingers, purging everything in my stomach, acid coating my tongue.

I gag, feeling something stuck in the back of my throat. I slam my fist down on the ground, feeling my body grow weaker as more vomit spills from my lips, but I can’t stop.

“You’re a freak!”

“Ugly bitch!”

“You’re fucking stupid.”

All the words that the girls tell me every day at school. The times I came home hating myself just to have Lilianna tell me how much Mom and Dad wished I was never born.

A branch snaps somewhere nearby. My head snaps up, vomit stuck to my bottom lip. I scan the area but see nothing other than trees and bugs flying around.

“Lake!” Lacey yells behind me. I glance over my shoulder and squint my eyes. I see her further in the distance, cupping her mouth as she yells my name again.

My hands shake as I realize I just made myself throw up and I can’t exactly explain that. I unzip my duffle bag, pulling out a pair of underwear to wipe my hands and lips. Digging further down I pull out my toothbrush and toothpaste. As quickly as I can, I brush my teeth in record time, tossing my dirty underwear into the bushes.

“Lakelyn!” Lacey screams again.

I shove my toothpaste and brush inside my bag before I get to my feet, my knees weak. I turn around and start walking towards her.

“Fuck,” she hisses once I come into view. “Can you not be stupid?”

I hold my breath, my body frozen as she glares at me.

“Let’s go, we’re going to eat something and make a fire.” She rolls her eyes and turns.

Following behind her, neither of us says anything as we reach camp. The girls are piled around a small hole in the ground with some firewood.

“I have to pee,” Samantha announces, getting to her feet. “Oh, look, the freak is back.”

She walks around Lacey and I, her shoulder bumping into mine as she passes. I bite my tongue, refusing to feed into her pettiness.

Maybe a bear will eat her.

As soon as the thought enters my head, I want to take it back. She might be mean, but that doesn’t mean I need to be as well. I can be the bigger person.

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