Page 5 of Love and War

“Does Zane know it was you?” Mila shyly asked.

“No and honestly, I don’t really know if I want to tell him.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“Do you want to talk about the man you’re in love with but haven’t seen in what, how many years?” Salem hissed. My eyes narrowed. For just a moment, my brain hadn’t thought about him. For just a moment. But that was all it took before my chest tightened with the mention of the only man I’d let in.

Her eyes softened, mumbling, “I’m sorry.”

“No, no it’s fine. I should move on, right?” This time, I ignored my cup and grabbed the wine bottle. I wasn’t drunk enough for this. I didn’t drink often, it messed with my blood sugar too much, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.

“Okay, enough of this heaviness.” Mila smiled, grabbing another slice of pizza. “I have some news…”

“Okay…” Salem trailed off.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

“I couldn’t hear you!” I shouted. Cringing, I swallowed more wine. I might be more drunk than I thought.

“I’m, uh…”

“She’s pregnant.”

“Holy… Shit…”

“Are you happy?” Salem asked.

“I am, I really am. We’ve been trying for a few years, but it wasn’t looking too good for a while. But before everything happened at the house, I took a test and, well, yeah.”

“You don’t sound happy,” I blurted out. I wish I could blame it on the wine. But it wasn’t that, or not much. It was my sour mood, thanks to being reminded of him.

“I am. I just don’t know how he will feel. We tried for two years, and then all this shit is happening, and it’ll just add more stress to him.” Mila sighed.

“I’ve been training Tobias every morning,” Salem blurted out. Sitting back, I continued downing wine like it was water. I was definitely going to regret this in the morning. But at least this could keep my mind off the feelings I was trying to shove into the dark corner of my heart.

I don’t know why I was still hung up on him after six years. You’d think after a guy sleeps with you, tells you you’re his, he’d stick around. And not just leave you. Leave without a word, and it’s been years since then. You’d think that I’d get over it. I could lie to everyone else that I was perfectly fine, that I was over him. But I couldn’t lie to myself. Because I miss him every damn day. He was my first thought in the morning, and the last one before I passed out.”

I hadn’t even realized they had stopped talking until Mila turned towards me, staring at me like a new science project. It made me uncomfortable.

“Let’s dance,” I basically shouted. Jumping to my feet, I ignored the slight blindness as I got to my feet too fast. I might have drunk more than I realized, but that wouldn’t stop me from dancing. It was the one thing I loved; it made me forget.

Turning Salem’s speaker around the living room on, I turned on “Okay” by Jimmy Teflon and turned back towards the girls. Motioning for them to get up, Mila was the first to smile and follow my lead. I ignored the ache in my right hip.

“You’re good at this,” Mila said as she swung her hips to the song.

“She should be. She’s been dancing since she was five,” Salem snarked from behind.

Shrugging my shoulders, I took another gulp of wine before showing Mila some dance moves. It wasn’t much other than swinging the hips and shaking my ass. But Mila was laughing along with Salem. And that’s all I needed, as long as they were happy.

***

We all danced for countless songs. Mila followed my every move. Salem knew the basics of how to dance. I was finally able to not feel so much, and I set the bottle down as my hands went to my hair.

“Oh my god, I love this song!” Mila belted out. Salem jumped onto the coffee table as she continued dancing.

“Yes!” I shouted. “Throw that ass back, bitch!” I swung my hips around, letting the music flow through me.

I closed my eyes, seeking the warmth the alcohol was giving me. But I was numb. The tingling in my fingertips and my heart sped up. I knew I needed to calm down, eat something, drink water, and take my insulin shot. So as the song ended, I slowed my body movements down. It wasn’t until I heard a gasp that my eyes snapped open.

---