Page 49 of Love and War

I watched slowly as a smile appeared on her face, and she threw her head back. Letting the rain bring her joy, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her beauty. Her blonde hair was soaked to her face.

“Thank you,” Aziza whispered. Laying her head on my chest, we twirled, holding her close against me. My arms wrapped around her, my heart warming.

“For what, moya Printsessa?”

Tipping her head up, there was something uncertain about her eyes. Like she was trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t read between the lines.

Shaking her head, she laid her head back on my chest. “Just thank you.” But I didn’t like the way she was saying it, something about it was off. Like she was saying one thing but meaning another.

If I only knew what was to come.

22

Aziza

Two months later

SincethenightItold Killian thank you, I’ve barely spoken to him. I knew I shouldn’t have slept with him; it was a mistake. Everything with him from the beginning had been a mistake. I shouldn’t have gotten wrapped up in him again. I forgot what it was like to be completely consumed with the thoughts of him. He was my first and last thought. The thoughts in between. I couldn’t help but think that if I truly just pushed him away, if I moved on, then Salem would have never gotten hurt. I would have been more focused on helping her get revenge. That I could help her take Luca out once and for all.

But I couldn’t be mad at him, not fully. I was weak when it came to him, no matter how much I wanted to hate him. I still loved him deep down, and I always would. Nothing was going to stop that.

Why did he have to come back after six years?

Why couldn’t he have just stayed away?

Why did he have to make me feel these emotions? I worked so hard to shove those feelings into a dark corner of my heart. They were locked away, far, very fucking far away. Or I thought.

So as I sat on the side of the tub, the test in my hand, showing positive, I held back tears. If I can't be strong for myself, I have to be strong for my little bean. Because he left me once, so he could leave us now. And I couldn't, I wouldn’t, give him the chance.

***

I sat in my SUV staring at his house. Somehow, I was stuck on what to do next. It was simple, dry my tears, drive to his house, tell him he needed to let me go. To stop texting, calling, everything. Then get in my car and leave. It was easy.

Now that I’m here, on the other hand, it was not so easy. It was much, much harder than what I’d thought.

First step, I drove here.

Second step, turn the car off.

My fingers shook as I pressed the ignition button.

Don’t cry, don’t cry.

I had to repeat the words over and over again in my head. To remind myself not to do something stupid. I needed to tell him to leave me alone, that I needed him to let me go. I needed it.

“Okay, fuck. I can do this, I can…” My voice trailed off as I watched Killian open his front door and close it behind him. His arms crossed over his chest, watching me back. “Fuck.”

Shoving the car door open, I stepped into the pouring rain. Moving my feet before I psyched myself out. Just one step at a time. I was on step three. Or ten at this point. I stopped halfway to his porch, waiting for him to decide what to do next.

“Are you going to stand out here all night or are you going to come in?” he asked, stepping in front of me. I took a step back, needing at least a small amount of space for this conversation.

“Aziza, wh—”

“No. I’m going to talk. I ne–need you to just shut up and let me talk,” I rushed out. Okay, well I was already here. Taking a deep breath, I shook my head.

“Aziza,” he murmured. Reaching out, I flinched away from him.

“No. Don’t touch me. I can’t think when you do that. I can’t do this, Killian.”

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