Page 15 of Psychological War

“Of course. I’m getting tired myself so I’m going to head to bed.” I smiled, not wasting time as I hurried to my bedroom. Closing the door behind me I crawled under the covers.

I was asleep before I had time to think about the fact that I was always going to be alone.

***

My arms and legs were numb. I couldn’t feel anything, but everything hurt.

But I felt nothing. My body was cold. I was so cold, I was shaking. But something warm covered my body. Almost like it was a blanket. I tried to move my hand to cover myself up with the blanket more, but nothing worked. None of it. My arms were burning. Why was I burning?

My mouth felt like sandpaper. It was like I was licking the dirt, but Mama always got mad when I did that. She got mad when I got dirty and brought it into the house. I hope I wasn’t dirty. Mama would be mad.

“They’re all gone!” someone screamed. Who was screaming?

I tried to yell but nothing was working. Who was gone? Mama and Dada wouldn't leave me. Lee and Emmy were probably gone. They were always busy.

“Emmy?” That voice was screaming again. They were getting close. I could tell them I was here.

My eyes tried opening, but I was so weak. I was small, but right now I felt like I was so heavy; everything was too much. Nothing even made sense in my head. I was losing too much of something. Something was draining me.

“Oh my god, they’re all dead!” someone else screamed.

They were all dead? Who was all dead?

I wasn’t dead, couldn’t they see that?

Someone touched my arm. Something was touching me.

A high-pitched scream drowned everything around me. “Salem, oh my god, no no. Please, you can’t be dead.”

I wasn’t dead. I tried opening my eyes again, but all I could see was red. It was blinding my sight, and I couldn’t freak out. Someone was dead. I knew what that meant. But who was dead?

“Salem,” they said again. “Oh my god, someone help!”

I did need help. My body was getting even more tired. How was that even possible?

“How is she even alive?”

I gasped for air. My body was shaking uncontrollably, and my neck felt like it was on fire again. Everything felt like it was cold, but the blood from my body was warming me again. The scars on my body no longer felt like scars—it felt like I was being ripped open again. I could feel the blade digging into my skin.

I wanted to scream but my throat was slashed. I couldn’t scream; I couldn’t move.

It’s just a nightmare.

I needed to remind myself. I was not that weak girl anymore; they could not hurt me. I wouldn’t let them. I couldn’t. They took my world away from me, but I couldn’t allow that anymore.

Forcing my eyes open, I looked around, needing to find something to focus on. Zeroing in on the brown teddy bear on my dresser, I focused on that. I had to focus on that. That was the only thing I had left of them.

That teddy bear was grounding me. It was saving me, even from myself.

After a few minutes my breathing was under control, and I wasn’t shaking as much. I knew it was just a nightmare, even when I first woke up but that didn’t stop my body from acting as though I was that nine-year-old girl again dying.

Dying alone, while my whole family laid on the floor in the other room, already gone, waiting to be found.

Untangling myself from my covers I made my way into the bathroom across the hall. Stripping out of my sweat covered clothes I stepped into the shower stall. Ignoring the cold water I pressed my forehead against the tile, letting the cold water wash away the fear of the little girl I was, the sadness of losing my family, and the anger thattheyare still alive.

Pushing them into the back of my mind, the only thing left that my brain decided to think about was Zane.

As much as I didn’t want to think about him, I couldn’t help myself. He was bad all around. He was all edges, and something about him had me zeroing in on him. We didn’t speak; I had no idea who he was. He didn’t seem bothered that I was just staring at him. He was looking at me like he wanted to devour me. And man did I want him to.

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