Page 77 of Someone You Deserve

“Good night, Penn.”

“Good night, babe,” I say as I leave and then head back to my own home, wishing I could spend the night wrapped up with this woman instead. But all in good time. Good things come to those who wait, right? And I’ve waited a long fucking time, but God—is she worth it.

Now I just need to get her to see that we’re worth all the shit we still have to face together, including the memories and guilt that continue to haunt me at night.

Chapter twelve

Astrid

“Mommy, why were you talking to God last night?” Lilly asks as she eats her cereal for breakfast.

I nearly spit my coffee all over the kitchen floor. Stuttering, I say, “What?”

“I heard you yelling, ‘Oh God! Oh God!’” She furrows her brow at me. “If you were praying, Mommy, I think you could be a little quieter next time.”

This is what mortification must feel like in its purest form.

It’s Monday morning and Tanya is opening the bakery today, so I didn’t have to be there as early as usual. But it’s the morning after Penn and I finally discussed what is happening between us, and I’m already in a situation I am totally unequipped to handle.

“Uh. I’m sorry,” I reply, still in shock. “I’ll try to keep it down next time.”

“It’s okay, Mommy. I pray sometimes too.”

“Really, baby? What do you pray for?”

“To see Daddy again.”

And there’s the knife slicing straight through my chest. My eyes travel across the room to a family picture on the wall, staring at the face of the man I should want to see again too.

My brain instantly wonders what he would think about this development between me and Penn.

Yes, I wish Brandon was here for my kids. But in my heart, I know it’s time to let him go so I can move on. If he were still alive, I probably would have moved on a long time ago, and I can’t keep living my life in fear of what other people might think.

Easier said than done, of course.

“I wish you could see Daddy again too, baby. But remember,” I say, walking over to her to press my palm to her heart, “he’s always in here.”

“I don’t want to go to school,” she says suddenly, changing the subject out of nowhere.

“Well, I’m sorry. But if you don’t go to school, then Mommy goes to jail. And we don’t want that.”

She tilts her head at me, considering this scenario. “If you go to jail, will we live with Uncle Penn?”

“What?” I ask her, surprised.

“I think it would be fun to live with Uncle Penn. He always has candy and games for us to play, and he kisses my boo-boos when I get hurt.”

Maybe getting Lilly on board with the idea of Penn and me dating won’t be a challenge after all. Convincing Bentley, on the other hand… Something tells me that’s not going to be quite as easy.

“Are there anymore waffles?” Bentley asks as he stumbles into the kitchen, his dark hair still a mess from his sleep, but at least he’s dressed.

“There should be some in the freezer,” I tell him.

He moves to the freezer and pulls it open. “Are they chocolate chip?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want chocolate chip. I want blueberry.”

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