Page 34 of Someone You Deserve

“Richard, let me ring you up at the register,” my brother interrupts, and in that moment, I’m grateful that he did. Otherwise, the tension in my jaw was about to crack my skull in two.

“Thanks. See ya around, Penn.” Dick fucking waves at me as he walks away. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and then head toward the back of the restaurant, slamming the swinging door against the wall as I walk through it.

I run my hands through my hair and fucking seethe, looking for something to punch but knowing that won’t fucking help. And besides, Dallas’s restaurant doesn’t deserve to be the victim of my anger.

A few minutes pass by as I pace and then I hear Dallas come up behind me. “So, I think I figured out why you’re in a pissy mood.”

I glare at him over my shoulder. “Fuck off.”

“Hey, you have every right to be pissed off, Penn.” I eye him skeptically. “I guess my question for you is, what are you going to do about it?”

“What am I supposed to do, Dallas?”

“I mean, are you just going to stand by and do nothing? Or are you going to fight for her?”

Dropping my hands to my sides, I stare at him. “I can’t fucking do anything, Dallas. And you know that.”

Dallas scoffs. “God, you’re so fucking stubborn.” Then he shakes his head. “You know what? No, stubborn is giving you too much credit. You’re a fucking coward!”

My desire to punch Dick just instantly shifted to my brother. “I’m not a fucking coward!”

“Yes, you are.” He pokes me in the chest, but I don’t budge as he gets right in my face. “You’ve been pining after Astrid for years, and now she’s about to slip through your fucking fingers, and you’re going to just watch it happen?” I stay silent, meeting his glare with my own. “I thought more of you, Penn. I really thought that eventually you’d get over this hero complex, stop putting Brandon on a fucking pedestal, and finally go after what you want. But I guess you’re just too scared.”

His words sting because deep down, I know he’s right.

I am scared. I’m fucking terrified.

It’s why I never pulled the trigger on my business idea.

And it’s definitely why I never said anything else to Astrid after that night—because the reality is, she could turn me down again—and she probably would.

“If you don’t fucking say anything, you’re never going to know, Penn. And she will move on eventually, but not with you. That’s the truth you need to face.”

Keeping my composure but vibrating with adrenaline, I say, “What if it fucking ruins everything, Dallas? What if she turns me down again, or it makes things weird between us? I can’t lose having those kids in my life.”

He crosses his arms over his chest and takes a step back. “Well, seeing as how you never told me what happened between you two, I can’t give you my honest opinion. Regardless, that was a long time ago. You’ve both changed since then. And bottom line, living with regrets fucking sucks, Penn. At least trust me on that one.”

My chest starts to ache because regret has been a close comfort lately, especially in the last week.

“When I took my chance with Willow, despite the complicated situation between us, you were the one that told me to make a decision, and I did. And it was the best fucking decision of my life.”

“This is different.”

“It’s taking a chance, Penn. There’s always excuses you can make to talk yourself out of what you want, but if you never try, you’ll never know. That’s the harsh truth of it.” He rests a hand on my shoulder now, making me tense up even more. “Take off the rest of the night. Me and the crew can handle the rush. Figure out what the fuck you want to do and do it quickly because the last thing I want is for you to look back later and realize this was the moment that your entire life changed for the worse because you didn’t take a chance on getting the life you wanted—the life you fucking deserve.”

Dallas walks away from me, back out to the main part of the restaurant, and I stand there for a few moments, getting my thoughts together. Once I feel composed enough to drive, I find my keys in the office, exit through the back of the building, and hop into my truck, headed straight for my rental property where I can process everything.

With my safety glasses on and rock music blaring from my portable speaker, I take a sledgehammer and go to town on the kitchen counters, breaking up the old tiles and smashing the cabinets to pieces. Every swing helps me channel the anger that’s been building in my body. Every crash of ceramic on the floor makes me feel lighter. And every chunk of wood I get to toss into the pile building in the dining room helps me sort through the chaos in my mind.

Astrid is everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman, which is why I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. Even the handful of relationships I’ve had over the years never lasted and never ignited emotions like this. No one else has made me want to better myself either.

Honestly, I wonder if she’s been the perfect woman in my mind for far longer than the past three years. She’s the standard I’ve compared every other woman to.

She’s strong, resilient, kind, genuine, and sexy. She loves hard, is an incredible mother, and is gracious to the people in her life. She befriended Willow without a second thought and took a leap of faith buying the bakery from the previous owners.

If I’m being honest, a part of me knows that going after my business idea is in part so I feel like I fucking deserve her.

She did it. She went after her dreams after years of waiting. And she ought to have a man who is brave enough to do the same thing.

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