Page 32 of Someone You Deserve

“Astrid, I…”I fucking want you.

“Mommy?” Lilly comes down the hall, rubbing her eyes.

Fuck.

It’s just as well. Letting the truth run from my lips would only do more harm than good.

Astrid instantly softens and approaches her daughter. “What’s up, baby?”

“I had a bad dream.” Her bottom lip trembles.

“You were barely asleep so I’m not sure that’s possible.” Astrid rubs Lilly’s back and rolls her eyes at me. “Let’s go back to bed and twirl your dream catcher, okay?”

She nods, her eyes half closed already. “Okay.”

Rubbing the back of my neck as Astrid walks away, I say, “I think I’m gonna take off.”

She nods hesitantly, a crease between her brows still, but her shoulders fall. “Okay. See you at the bakery in the morning?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Good night, Penn.”

“Good night, Astrid.”

I watch the girls walk down the hallway and then I head for the door. I can feel her eyes on my back for a moment, and I almost turn back around. But what would I do?

It’s not like I can change her mind. It’s not like I can tell her that the thought of her going out with Dick or any man that isn’t me makes me want to vomit and explode at the same time.

And even though I live for our game nights, part of me feels like it’s just another thing that keeps me firmly planted in the friend zone.

But that’s where you chose to live, Penn, and that’s where you have to stay.

Astrid belonged to Brandon first and she always will on some level.

And now she may belong to Dick Cockwell.

Lava is boiling inside of me, and I feel like it’s only a matter of time before I erupt. I just hope I don’t create a crack in our friendship that is beyond repair when I do.

Because hurting my relationship with Astrid isn’t an option. It’s why I’m still on the outside of this wall between us, knowing that everything will change once it’s torn down.

***

“Penn. Are you listening to me?” Dallas snaps his fingers in front of my face, pulling me out of my head.

“Sorry. What?”

“Jesus, what is going on with you tonight?” He hands me the tray of drinks. “Take these to table seven, please.”

“Yeah. Got it.”

I trudge away, trying to shake off the image that’s been on repeat in my brain since eight o’clock this morning.

“So, did you give any more thought to my question from last week?” Dick rocks back and forth on his heels, his hands in his khaki dress pants as he waits for Astrid to answer him.

She tucks her hair behind her ear as her cheeks pink up. And even though I’m hiding behind the swinging door that separates the front and back of the bakery, I can still see the change in the color of her skin. “I did.” Dick doesn’t say anything, just waits for her to continue. “I think…I’d really like to go out with you sometime.”

If she wasn’t standing right in front of him, I bet he’d fist pump the air. Instead, his smile becomes blinding. “That’s great, Astrid.”

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