Page 27 of Someone You Deserve

“You were one of the best pitchers of your time, Grady.”

He shakes his head, picking at the grass, the lines of his face deepening as he frowns. “I wasn’t fucking done playing, Astrid.”

“I know.” I hate seeing my brother like this. I can’t imagine what losing baseball was like for him, but that’s partly because he never talks about it. Anytime his career comes up, he shuts down the conversation. Then again, I do the same about Brandon, especially lately. Those seven stages of grief are real, and I don’t think they ever really end. In fact, I think they go on a loop, and anger seems to be where I’m stuck the most recently.

Remembering him will always be important because of the kids, but knowing that I’ve been hiding the truth of our marriage from everyone makes me avoid the topic if I can. I just hope I don’t collapse under the weight of this secret.

Guilt slams into me.

I’m the worst widow on the face of the planet.

“Well,I’mgoing on a date,” I say, changing the subject for him as his head pops up so he can look at me. If I’m already feeling shitty, might as well place a cherry on top of the shit sundae.

“Seriously?”

“Well, I mean, I haven’t exactly said yes yet, but I’m thinking about it.”

“Who with?”

“Richard Cockwell.”

Grady’s lip curls in disgust. “Dick Cockwell? Really, Astrid?”

I swat at him, but he dodges it. “Don’t call him that.”

“Oh come on. Everyone called him that in high school. What kind of parents do that to their kid? Give them a name like that?”

Rolling my eyes, I continue. “Anyway, he asked me out last Friday and told me to think about it, and I think…I think I might go.”

Grady’s face softens, but there’s still some disapproval there. “Well, I mean, that’s good, I guess. If that’s what you want.”

Is that what I want?

Well, it’s definitely notwhoI want.

“It’s time to move on,” I say, leaving my torturous thoughts to myself as my eyes drift over to Penn, hunched over as he watches the boys execute their drill, his ball cap on backwards. I clench my thighs together as I sit here staring.

What is it about a backwards ball cap that just makes a man ten times sexier?

“Moving on is overrated,” he grunts.

“Yeah, but so is staying in the same freaking spot, or letting guilt and shame rest in your chest.” I lean forward and lower my voice. “Buying the bakery was my first step in moving on, Grady. If I can do it, you can too.”

His face softens just a bit. “And I’m proud of you for doing that finally, Astrid. But I have moved on. To my garage.”

“You said yourself that it feels like something’s missing from your life. ”

He shakes his head. “Dating sounds awful, Astrid.”

“What sounds awful?” Penn startles us both as he appears right next to Grady’s spot on the grass, grabbing his water bottle and taking a long swig from it, and then bringing the hem of his shirt up to wipe his mouth, granting me a glimpse of his abs—all one-hundred of them.

“I was telling Grady that he should try dating.” I shield my mouth from my brother as I whisper to Penn, “He says he’s bored.”

Penn shakes his head. “Sorry, Astrid. I agree with Grady. That sounds fucking horrible.”

“What? Why?”

“You do realize that we know all of the single women in town, right?” Grady chimes in.

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