Page 98 of Someone You Deserve

“This town is amazing.” Astrid takes a sip of her beer and looks around the pub we stumbled in after we were done exploring for the day. We bought food for tomorrow that we stored in a small cooler in my truck, she bought herself a new hat and some chocolates from a local shop, and we ate soup and sandwiches at the one café that served lunch. We were able to catch the sunset from one of the main streets in town, and then decided to get some drinks and dinner before heading back to the cabin for the night and probably all of tomorrow, if I have my way.

“I’ve spent so much time in Carrington Cove that I forget there are other little towns like this, ones even smaller than ours.”

“Carrington Cove isn’t as small as it used to be,” I say as I take another drink of the IPA I ordered.

“True. Tourism has been good to us.”

“It has.”

“Is that why you want to tap into that new venture?” she asks, broaching the first of many topics we need to discuss.

“Yeah,” I admit. “The contracting part is just so I have steady cash flow, but investing in real estate is something I’ve been interested in for a while.” I draw a finger through the condensation on my glass. “I’m ready to make my plans a reality.”

When I look up, I’m met with Astrid’s understanding smile. “You deserve that, Penn.”

Staring at her intently, I say, “Thank you. Honestly, if it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t have done it.”

“Then why did you hide it from me?” she asks, reaching out for my hand and covering it with her own. “That day at the bakery, when I found out…” She shakes her head. “I was hurt.”

Be honest with her, Penn. No secrets. No lies. That’s not how you want to start things with her.

I take in a deep breath and then admit, “Because I’m scared of failing, Astrid. And the last thing I want is for you to see me that way. As a failure.”

Her brows draw together. “I could never, Penn. With your work ethic, your strength, your heart? You could never be a failure in my eyes.”

I scoot closer to her and our foreheads meet. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

She presses her lips to mine and then leans back. “Tell me more about your plans. What do you see for your business long term?”

As I lean back in my chair and take a sip of my beer, I imagine where I could be in five years if I took the risks I need to. “I want to establish a name for myself in town and the surrounding towns as a high-end contractor. Adding more rentals to my portfolio is a must, obviously. I’m just not sure if it’s realistic given the market and the fact that not many people leave Carrington Cove.”

“Yeah, I get that. Have you thought about branding? Business cards? A website?”

I run my hand through my hair. “Fuck. I mean, yeah, but I’m not actively pursuing that. Should I be?”

She tilts her head at me and smiles. “Eventually, yes, especially if you want to bring in high profile clients. But I can help you with a lot of that, you know…”

I lean toward her. “You’d do that?”

“Penn, of course I would. If you would have just told me about your idea in the first place, I could have been supporting you and helping you all along.”

Reaching for her hand, I bring it to my lips, pressing a soft kiss against her skin, something I just can’t seem to stop doing. “I know, but it’s taken a long time for me to get to this point, Astrid. I just didn’t want to burden anyone else. I feel selfish enough branching out on my own.”

Astrid huffs out a laugh and leans back in her chair again. “You’re preaching to the choir here. You think I didn’t have the exact same struggle when I bought the bakery? You think I don’t feel guilty every time I’m getting home late at night, missing time with my kids? Worrying if they’ll grow up feeling like I’m more concerned about my business than them?”

“Are you kidding? If anything, you’re showing them how important it is to chase your dreams.” I tell her. “You’re teaching them thatit’s okay to go after something you want, to pour your heart and soul into it. I’m so fucking proud of you for taking that risk.”

She shakes her head at me. “So how is it that you can say those things about me, but you can’t tell yourself the same thing, Penn?”

Her question stuns me for a second, because she’s right.

Why is it so easy for us to see the good in someone else, but not in ourselves? To support other people, but hold doubt inside?

Why can’t I accept that I am worthy of Astrid, and that it’s ok to show up for myself instead of everyone else for once?

Her words slam straight into my chest and give me so much clarity, it’s as if I’m seeing the world through a new lens.

“I—I don’t know.” Shaking my head, I say, “But I’m working on it. I actually put in my two weeks’ notice this morning. Dropped off a letter at the restaurant and the hardware store before I picked you up. I haven’t heard from Dallas or Mrs. Hansen, so I don’t know if they’re mad or they were expecting it, but I’m ready to start this next chapter of my life.” I bring her hand to my lips. “And that includes you and the kids, Astrid.”

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