Page 112 of Someone You Deserve

Tears well in my eyes. “I know.”

“Does he make you happy?”

I nod as a tear slips free. “He does. He’s so good to me, Grady.”

“I know he is. He says he’s in love with you…”

I smile, remembering his confession that stole my breath. “He told me on our trip.”

“And do you feel that way about him?”

“I do, but I haven’t told him as much.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m scared to let someone in all the way again.”

My brother pulls me into his chest. “Penn is not Brandon, Astrid.”

“I know,” I sniffle against his chest. “He isn’t and that’s why I’m so scared, because I don’t ever want to feel like that again or lose someone again.” I lean up and wipe under my eyes. “Losing Brandon was hard. It was painful. But losing Penn? I don’t think I’d survive it.”

“Love always comes with risks and there are no guarantees. But you can’t let fear keep you from living your life.”

“Easier said than done.”

He grimaces, and I’m reminded that there’s another reason he’s here. “Okay, so you can’t be mad at me because I didn’t know that Penn didn’t know…”

“Jesus,what did you do, Grady?” I wave my hand toward the door. “In case you haven’t realized, I’m kind of busy at the moment and don’t need more stress.”

“I kind of told Penn about you and Brandon.”

The urge to throw up overwhelms me. “No. You didn’t!”

“I thought you would have told him by now, Astrid.”

He reaches out for me, but I swat his hand away. “What did you say exactly?”

“I told him that he’d better not hurt you because you’ve already been through enough with Brandon and deserve better, or something like that.”

“That’s it?”

He winces. “I may have mentioned that you two were on the verge of a divorce when he died.”

I place my hand over my heart and move to my desk chair, desperately fighting to get control of my breathing. “Oh my God! I could kill you right now!” I glare up at him, wondering how the hell everything went so wrong so quickly.

He holds both hands above his head. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know that he didn’t know.”

Breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, I try to ward off the panic attack that I feel coming on. I haven’t had one since Brandon died, but this just might be the catalyst. “What did Penn say?”

“He honestly didn’t say much. I told him that I would talk to you first. Now you two need to talk.”

I slap a hand to my forehead. “I didn’t want him to know, Grady. I didn’t want him to think of his best friend differently.”

“I’m sorry, but I also think he deserves to know. He deserves to know that you were hurt in your last relationship, and you want more for yourself.”

“Pennismore, Grady. He’s so much more than I ever thought I could have and you might have just ruined it.”

He shakes his head. “No way. You should have heard the way he talked about you, Astrid. He’s fucking gone for you. I’ve never felt that way about a woman.”

---