Page 56 of Devoted

“Yeah. I probably shouldn’t be driving with how my eyelids are bobbing right now.” I stand up from the couch and then give my aunt a hug, clinging to her like the lifeline she is for me. “Thank you for being here. I couldn’t do this without you.”

“I know, Brooks. I’m here until the end, okay? Which I hope results in her beating this thing. But, just know I’m not going anywhere either way.”

I kiss her cheek and then squeeze her tighter. “I know.”

My legs carry me down the hall where I decide to pop in on my mom while she’s sleeping. I need to just make sure for myself that she’s alive and breathing. As I slowly push open her door, I see her body curled up in the middle of her bed, her arms hugging a pillow under her head, a head that is now completely bald after my aunt shaved it last month. She was losing so much of her hair, she just assumed speed along the process.

As I stand by the side of her bed and stare down at her, a wave of reality hits me and the sting of tears develops in the back of my eyes.

My mother might die.

I don’t want to lose her.

I have to make each day with her count as much as I can.

I don’t want to end up alone.

I press a soft kiss to her temple and then leave her room, crossing the hall to the guest room where the bed looks very inviting and the gloomy cloud of exhaustion hovers over my mind.

I never replied to Jess, but right now, I just need sleep. I need to forget my reality for a while, restore some energy, and then hopefully when I wake, I can deal with life again.

Powering my phone off is the last thing I remember doing before stripping off my clothes and burying myself under the blankets, dreaming of a world where cancer doesn’t exist and life is simple.

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