Page 29 of Devoted

“Good for you, man. I’m happy for you, Ethan. That was exactly the result I was hoping you’d get from that night.”

He chuckles as we turn the corner. “Thanks. I’m optimistic. There’s definitely a connection there, but I’m not about to get all of my hopes up, like I usually do. Because if things don’t work out with her, I might consider just giving up. So… how did it go with Jess? Was she mad?”

Jess’s reaction when I confronted her outside of the bathroom is one I won’t soon forget. I feel like it takes a lot to surprise the woman, and I definitely succeeded, especially when I told her why I was there. “I wouldn’t necessarily say mad, but I could tell that I definitely through her a curve ball. I admitted that I came with you, but don’t worry, I assured her it was my idea to be there—not that you sort of blackmailed me into going.”

“Thanks. I finally found a girl I’m crazy about, so the last thing I need is Jess threatening to chop my balls off.”

“Agreed.”

“So what happened?”

I check my watch to make sure we’re keeping up our pace before I answer. “Well, I was straightforward with her. Told her I liked her and wanted to get to know her better. And then she confessed she felt the same way.”

“Excellent.”

“Yup. So we left. I drug her out of that club so no other guys even had the slightest opportunity to talk to her again, and then we went to Tony’s for a few drinks and just talked. I did kiss her at the end of the night, though,” I say proudly, reliving how Jess’s lips felt on mine. She was so soft and melted into me that I had a hard time controlling myself. I wanted nothing more than to drag her inside her apartment and taste all of her—but I knew that would rush things. And after she confessed her troubled dating outlook, I didn’t want her to feel pressured to do anything she wasn’t ready to do.

“Oh, man. So what’s gonna happen now when you two have to work together and remain professional?”

“I’m gonna have to try to control my dick around her. Which is easier said than done,” I quip.

Ethan laughs. “I’m happy for you, Brooks. But please don’t tell me about your dick.”

“Noted.”

“Maybe if all goes well, the four of us can go out on a double date sometime,” he suggests.

“Definitely. But right now, I kind of just want her all to myself.”

“I completely understand. Does she—are you gonna tell her about your mom?”

During our conversation the other night, Jess asked me what my biggest fear is after she revealed her almost-drowning incident. My mom dying from breast cancer, I wanted to say, but it’s not something I’m willing to share just yet—maybe because if I say it out loud it makes it true.

So instead, I went with something that borders on that fact, but can be construed in multiple ways, satisfying her question without alluding to the actual reason I’m afraid daily. “Ending up alone,” I said, because if my mom dies, I will be alone.

Even though I know I still have Ethan and his mom, my mother is my only immediate family and losing her will be a pain I’ve never experienced before.

But Jess makes me smile when some days all I feel I’m capable of is frowning. And if she can grant me that little slice of relief from the impending uncertainty of my mother’s survival right now—well, I want to focus on that and leave my daunting reality out of it.

“Not yet. I don’t want her pity. I don’t want her to feel like she has to walk on eggshells around me, or give me her sympathy. When I’m around her, she helps me forget about the cancer. And those rare moments are keeping me moving, man. I don’t want to fuck with that yet.”

“Okay,” Ethan agrees. “But if things get serious, you know you’re going to have to tell her, eventually.”

We race to the bench that we started at, sprinting to the finish line before slowing to a stop. As I try to catch my breath and chug some water, I answer him. “I know.”

“Hey, Brooks.” A familiar voice pulls my head to the side as I see Cooper and Clara walking up to us, tugging a giant German Shepard beside them. Clara has that pregnant lady waddle down to a science as Cooper looks down at her and beams.

“Hey, man. Clara. Nice to see you guys.”

“Likewise. Isn’t this your cousin?” Cooper points at Ethan before commanding his dog to sit. “Stay, Roark.”

“Yeah, man. This is Ethan. Ethan, you know Cooper, right?”

Ethan moves forward to shake Cooper’s hand. “Yup. We see each other around town on scene every once in a while. How’s it going?”

“Good, good.” Cooper smiles as Clara rubs her belly.

“We had to take Roark for a walk and lord knows I need the exercise right now,” Clara adds, gesturing to her stomach.

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