Page 28 of Devoted

Chapter 9

Brooks

The exhilaration from my night with Jess is quickly diminished that following Monday as I accompany my mother to her next chemo appointment. The shift in emotions I feel between the high from kissing Jess and then the low of watching my mom being pumped full of medication to kill the cancer in her body makes my head spin.

“So tell me about Saturday. I need you to distract me.” My mother rests her head on the back of her chair, pulling her blanket up higher on her body. The drugs have made her cold all the time, even though the weather is warming up outside.

Wanting to make her happy and comfortable, I oblige her request, even though a flurry of anger rolls through me at her circumstances. “Well, I accomplished what I set out to do.”

“You got the girl?” She smiles.

“Yeah. I told her that I liked her, took her away from the event, and then kissed her.” Most men wouldn’t tell their mom such details, but she and I have always been close. Of course, I only gave her the PG version. She doesn’t need to know that kissing Jess made me rock hard and that it what the best kiss I’ve had in my life.

“That’s my boy. So what happens now?” She closes her eyes and winces as the medicine pumps through her veins. My hand finds hers and I squeeze her fingers in reassurance, running my thumb over the butterfly tattoo on her wrist. There are two things my mother loves in this world more than me—her plants and butterflies. And lucky for her, one seems to attract the other. There’s nothing more beautiful than my mother’s face when one of those small white butterflies floats through the air around her, the same kind she had inked on her skin many years ago.

“Well, I need to take her out on an official date now. We ended up having drinks and talking for a while after we left the comedy club, but it’s time to turn on the charm.”

“You mean you haven’t turned it on yet?” She teases.

I chuckle. “Not fully. But at least I made the leap. She’s… she’s stunning, Mom. I really like her. She’s not the type of woman I would normally go after, but I think that’s why I’m drawn to her so much.”

“And see? You never would have met her if your mother hadn’t developed cancer and you had to move home.” She winks, but all it does is remind me that although there’s been some positive changes in my life as a result of moving home, the underlying reason is still there.

“This isn’t a joke, Mom.”

“I know that, Brooks. But if finding some humor or positivity in all of this helps me deal, let me do it, okay? Because the way you’re looking at me right now is painful to see.” She closes her eyes again as a tear slips free from under her eyelid.

“Mom…”

“I’m scared, Brooks. I may not act like it all the time, but I am. It’s unfair how one of the very parts of you that makes you feel like a woman can threaten to take your life. I nursed you as a baby with my breasts, brought life into the world and nurtured it—and now those very same organs are trying to kill me. I still can’t wrap my brain around it.” My thoughts have gone to the same place recently, even though I see human bodies work against themselves on a daily basis. However, I also see the human body heal itself in miraculous ways—so those rare moments are giving me an ounce of hope to cling to.

“I’m scared too, Mom. But right now, we just need to focus our energy on you fighting, okay? Hope is the only thing stronger than fear. I’m right here and I will be until it’s over, alright?”

She nods, opening her eyes again to me, giving me a thin-lipped smile. “I’m trying.”

Later that afternoon, I meet up with Ethan at town hall to go for a run. I have to return to work tomorrow, but I need to rid my body of the anger and frustration I feel productively.

“How did this morning go?”

My head sways from side to side, not wanting to re-live watching my mom furrow her brows in pain as the medication leaked into her veins. “Fucking horrible. I hate this shit, Ethan.”

“I know, Brooks. At least she’s resting at home now.”

“Yeah. Your mom is with her for the night since I have to go in early tomorrow morning for work.” As much as I don’t want to leave my mom right after her treatment, the idea of going back to work is a distraction I definitely need right now. And I’ll get to see Jess, which definitely helps lighten my mood as well.

“So how did Saturday night turn out?” He asks, the two of us catching our stride as we jog around the park on the cement pathway, making a turn to start our last lap.

“How about you go first?” I never even said goodbye to my cousin once Jess gave me the green light to take her away, so I have no idea what transpired that evening for him either.

Ethan’s face lights up. “I met someone.”

“No shit. Was it that blonde?”

His head bobs up and down in time with his feet. “Yup. Her name is Mariah, and fuck, man. She’s perfect.”

“Nice.”

“She’s a kindergarten teacher and one year younger than me. Her parents are still married, she has two brothers, and she’s a huge movie buff, like me. I sat down at her table at the start of the fifth date, and just kept telling guys to move around me, not letting anyone else talk to her, which she thought was hilarious. We spent the entire second hour in natural conversation and it flew by, so of course I asked for her number. I’m taking her out this week.”

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