Page 19 of Devoted

Chapter 6

Jess

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Rachel whispers to me as I drag her by the hand into the comedy club, a fairly new establishment in Emerson Falls.

Red leather booths and small tables encircle a stage where black velvet curtains fall to the ground and brick walls enclosing the rather large room are painted in a dreary grey. The dim lighting gives the space a more intimate feel, and the long bar along one wall is stocked with liquor bottles against a mirrored background, glistening in the illumination of the lights, waiting to be consumed and influence poor decisions.

“It’s going to be fun, Rach. We need this. I know I sure do…” I trail off as we come to a stop in the line to check in. This certainly is a first for me so my nerves are going haywire. But after my lack of dating life recently and the insane crush I’m harboring for Brooks, I knew I needed to try something new. I put on my favorite little black dress that hugs my small body but makes my ass look amazing. I may be tiny, but my momma gave me some curves on this five-one frame. My hair is down and straight, and I opted for a bright red lip, something Rachel also felt was necessary. If a man isn’t intimidated by a woman wearing red lipstick, he definitely has potential.

“You will find someone, Jess. You’re a catch.”

I huff and then brush my hair behind my shoulders, straightening my spine to show confidence, even though mine is wavering with every awful date I experience. “Dick is everywhere. Chemistry isn’t.”

After dating multiple guys that either didn’t show promise of a future or became victims of my curse, I’m jaded by the idea that I will never find someone. I know I’m still young and have time, but constantly striking out when it comes to love wears on anyone after a while.

And yet I’m still trying to remain hopeful that I’ll find a love like my parents had before my mother died. I will always hold their love on a pedestal to admire and aspire to because to experience an unwavering devotion like they had for each other is everything parents could want for their daughter—and I know my mother wanted that for me.

And now that Brooks is in the picture—this perfect specimen of a man that I yearn to be that person who changes my losing streak—my fear is exponentially larger at the thought that he might just be another casualty of my unfortunate track record.

All I’ve done for the last five days is battle what I should do if Brooks ever gets the courage to ask me out. Do I accept and hope that the universe isn’t cruel enough to rip the possibility of him away from me too? Or do I decline and let this paralyzing fear I have of ending up alone win because I’m too scared to risk being heartbroken again?

Rachel turns to say something to me just as my eyes lock on to an attractive man across the room. The lack of light makes it a little difficult to make out the distinct features of his face, but as I take him in, the recognition dawns on me and my eyes get so wide, they’re practically falling out of my eye sockets.

“Oh my god, he’s here,” I whisper as Rachel tries to seek out the person I’m referring to.

“Who?”

I instantly turn my back to him, closing my eyes, inhaling, and exhaling heavily, willing my body to calm down instead of venturing into panic attack territory. “The new doctor from the hospital…”

“What? Did you know he would be here?” Rachel prods, rubbing her hand along my shoulder as I realize I can’t hide from him. I know he saw me when our eyes locked, so right now I must look like a high school girl whose crush just looked at her across the cafeteria.

I swear, I feel sick to my stomach and the urge to puke comes on strong. “No.” I shake my head and then look back over my shoulder to see him again. And sure enough, he’s still staring at me, those soft brown eyes I can’t get enough of piercing through my anxiousness, his smile small, but surprisingly comforting. “What the hell is he doing here?”

She twists her head, blinking repeatedly. “Probably the same thing you are. Trying to find someone to date.”

“Oh, god. What is he going to think of me? What if we get sat together?” The wheels are turning in my head, conjuring up every scenario that could happen now tonight. Brooks being here definitely throws the entire evening astray from how I thought it would turn out.

I glance over my shoulder once more, realizing that I just need to face this unexpected twist head-on. I stand up tall and shake off my freak-out, brushing my hair behind my shoulders once more. “You know what? It’s okay. We’re adults. I can handle this. We’re just co-workers,” I shrug casually.

“Somehow I get the impression you wish you were more,” Rachel teases. But just as she’s about to take it further, the line moves and we’re suddenly at the front. Once we check in and get our name tags, we head straight to the bar, ordering up some liquid courage to help get us through the next few hours as I survey the room and take stock of the eligible men here tonight.

Tables are arranged in lines in the center of the room with dividers up between them for privacy. One side is for the men, the other for the women. The lady in charge quiets the room and explains that each date will last for fifteen minutes. We will speak to eight people over the next two hours. The men will move seats, but the women will remain at the same tables. If at the end of the date you both feel a connection, then contact information can be exchanged. There will be a slight break between dates four and five to use the restroom and refill drinks, and then the rest of the evening will work like the first half.

As the murmurs of excitement increase again, I turn back to Rachel. “Thank you again for coming. I didn’t want to do this alone.”

She shrugs indifferently, but there’s a sadness behind her eyes. “I’m glad you got me out of the house.”

“How’s the tension? Still sexual and palpable?” I ask with a smirk, knowing she just needs to admit to her desire to mount her boss, and I desperately need a distraction from my own turmoil.

“Ugh. He’s so handsome, Jess. It’s not fair. And I’m trying to ignore it, but it’s hard, especially after he saw me naked,” she whispers as I twist to face her so fast, I swear my neck pops.

“What? Oh, I need details.”

As soon as she finishes recounting Luke walking in on her in the bathroom while she was buck naked, the bell rings for us to take our seats.

Have you ever tried to focus on what someone else is saying, but all the while, all you can think about is another person in the room? It’s kind of like zoning out during a lecture in a classroom—you know the teacher is saying something important, but your mind wanders so far from the topic at hand, that when you finally zone back in, you have no idea what is going on.

I’ve caught myself doing the same thing at work sometimes when Brooks gets assigned to the same patient as me, which just amps my nerves around him even more. The smell of his gum and the movement of his fingers as he holds his stethoscope have both distracted me more than once since we’ve been working together. And it’s quite alarming when my focus should clearly be on the patient in the bed, not on the way the man next to me makes my panties damp as the rasp of his voice hits my ears. The few casual smiles he flashes at me while we move around each other in the ER keep my heart pumping and my mind awake too, especially on those extremely long shifts.

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