Page 43 of Revived

Chapter 15

Rachel

“You okay?” Pfeiffer asks me as we cruise the aisles through Party City, looking for decorations for Grayson’s human-body-themed birthday party.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine.” The words leave my mouth, but honestly, I wouldn’t even believe them if I were someone else.

“No, you’re not. Talk to me.” Pfeiffer stands in front of me, holding my hand and pleading for me to spill. But as Luke and I discussed, I hadn’t even told my best friend about the two of us exploring our developing relationship.

It’s a Sunday and a little over a week until Grayson’s birthday, so Luke is home with Grayson, making up for lost time with him this week while I run some errands. He insisted I go shopping on my own to get me out of the house and grant me a break from my ‘job.’ But being Grayson’s caregiver has never felt like a job to me. It feels like exactly what I’m supposed to be doing with my life, and the handsome man that just so happens to be his dad with impeccable lips I get to kiss at the end of the day is the cherry on top.

“You have to promise not to say anything to Cash.”

“Well, he is my husband… but if that’s what you want, I promise.”

“Luke and I are kind of seeing each other,” I whisper as Pfeiffer’s eyes widen and her smile stretches across her face.

“What? Really?”

I can feel my cheeks flush as I grin. “Yeah. But it hasn’t been easy,” I divulge, thinking back to how the past few weeks have been. It’s been a little over a month since Cash and Pfeiffer’s wedding, and about four weeks since Luke kissed me for the first time in the hospital. Things were going great, and then Mother’s Day happened. And although Luke swears he was okay with it, his behavior towards me lately is indicating otherwise.

We haven’t made out on the couch every night like we did before that day, watching re-runs of Friends and eating popcorn together. We don’t speak as much as before because he’s been working later than usual or I have a shift at Tony’s so we barely cross paths some nights. And even though I’m trying not to read too much into it, I feel like he’s avoiding being physical with me. He used to touch me here and there secretively, especially if Grayson was in the room. A little caress here, a little nudge there. But lately, nothing. And like a true woman, I’m over-analyzing everything.

“Isn’t this what you wanted though? I mean, I get that there’s going to be obstacles, given your situation… but I just figured you’d be more ecstatic than you seem.”

I push the cart further down the aisle, grabbing plates, napkins, and silverware that will complement the theme. “Yeah. But there’s baggage, Pfeiffer. Lots of baggage that comes with that man and it’s draining me. I’m so afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing with him, like I did on Mother’s Day.” I spend the next few minutes filling her in on how things progressed with Luke and me, and then the fiasco that transpired that morning after breakfast at his parents’ house. We stroll through the entire store two times before I finish. Glancing down in the cart, I realized I may have gone a little overboard, but Luke said there was no expense to be spared. His son will only turn five once.

Pfeiffer lets out a long breath and then stops me in my movement, turning me to face her. “Luke has been through a lot, Rach. But if there is anyone I think he should be with, it’s you. And even if you don’t believe it, I think he knows it to. The best piece of advice I could give you is to talk to him about it. Be open. Communicate. He hasn’t had to do that in a very long time. And as much as we want to think that men can remember what it’s like to be in a relationship, they don’t. Hell, my husband never even had one before me and my last relationship wasn’t exactly the model of healthy. We’ve had to learn how to talk and express ourselves in a way that is conducive to us, and Luke and you need to do that too. It might suck, but you need to sit down and tell him what you’re feeling. And who knows? You could be making a big deal out of nothing,” she offers and then shrugs.

“You’re right,” I relent. “I need to talk to him. I guess I’m just scared for what he’s going to say.”

“That’s normal, but you’ll never know if you don’t initiate it. Now, what does that adorable boy want for his birthday?” We move towards the checkout, pay for the supplies, and then decide to have lunch, where we catch up on Pfeiffer’s honeymoon and newlywed life and analyze the situation with Luke some more.

After lunch and a pedicure, Pfeiffer and I decide to visit Clara and her daughter that just arrived last week.

“Oh, she’s so gorgeous, Clara,” Pfeiffer coos as she holds Kadence in her arms, settling into the rocking chair in the living room.

“Thank you. She’s not so cute when she’s screaming at two in the morning or shits on your hand. But right now, she’s fucking adorable.” Clara’s grin clearly indicates she’s being sarcastic, and I can’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, but then they turn into little kids like Grayson and they talk and say all kinds of random things that make you laugh uncontrollably. Just wait.”

Clara ‘new mom’ glow radiates from her face before she leans down and kisses her daughter’s forehead. “I never really saw myself being a mom. But now that she’s here, I wonder how I ever lived without her.”

“I want babies so badly. Cash and I have already started trying, since it’s gonna take us a while, you know.” Pfeiffer shrugs after she speaks, but I know my best friend has a long road ahead of her to conceive a child and the thought haunts her most days. When she was shot last year, she lost an ovary and fallopian tube. Tack on the fact that she already had irregular periods, and let’s just say she faces many obstacles that make having a baby a challenge. Not impossible, just a challenge.

“It will happen when it’s meant to. Hell, Cooper and I didn’t plan this, but I couldn’t imagine life any other way right now.”

I walk into the kitchen where I retrieve three bottles of water and then make my way back into the living room. “I never saw myself being a nanny either, yet here I am! And now I’ve fallen in love with a kid that isn’t mine.” I shake my head in disbelief, still baffled at how drastically my life changed when I moved out here.

“Are you falling for his father too?” Clara prods as my eyes widen.

“Uh, no. Why would you think that?” I look over at Pfeiffer, silently asking her if she said anything to Clara.

“I didn’t say anything,” Pfeiffer declares.

“She didn’t have to. It’s written all over your face when you talk about Grayson and Luke,” Clara adds.

Sighing, I crack open the water bottle and take a swig, replacing the cap and then admitting defeat. “Luke and I are kind of seeing each other right now.”

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