Page 29 of Revived

Instantly my mind veers to Rachel eating a Kit Kat in the movie theater last week. Her snarky response about her choice still makes me uneasy, that her reasoning wasn’t just a coincidence.

“She ate a Kit Kat the other night…”

Tenley stays quiet, waiting for me to continue, but it doesn’t last too long. “Okay. That’s great. I mean, Kit Kats are good…”

“She ate it like Hannah did.” As soon as I say it out loud, that tightness in my chest returns like it did as I watched her eat the chocolate in front of me.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

“Okay… so what does that mean?”

“It freaked me the fuck out, Tenley! I remember when Hannah ate a Kit Kat one night right before she went into labor with Grayson. She just bit into it and then acted offended when I teased her about not breaking the sticks apart first.”

“She didn’t break the sticks apart? That’s savage,” she laughs, finding humor in it like I did.

“Right? She just chomped into it and I remember studying her and memorizing how beautiful she looked right in that moment even though she inhaled the chocolate like it was her job.”

“That’s so funny. God, I miss her,” Tenley says, the emotion back in her voice.

“Me too, Tenley. Every fucking day. But when Rachel did the same thing at the movies last weekend, my heart stopped. It was like a flash of déjà vu, but it was Rachel in front of me, offering me a similar explanation as to why she just bit into the candy bar without separating it.”

Tenley chuckles and then sniffles, which means I know she’s fighting off breaking down on the phone with me. “And what was her explanation?”

I can’t help but smile as I remember her words. “That there’s no point in breaking the pieces apart because they’ll all end up in the same place. It just prolongs the chocolate from making its way into her mouth.”

Tenley full on laughs, easing a bit of the ache in my chest. “I love it! And I can’t say I don’t agree. The woman is on to something…”

“It was surreal, Ten. Like Hannah was talking to me through Rachel. I know it sounds crazy…”

“No,” she cuts me off. “No, it doesn’t sound crazy, Luke. It sounds real and I think it does mean something. Hannah isn’t coming back, Luke.” The instant she says the words, I close my eyes and breathe deeply.

“I know.”

“And here is this woman that is clearly making you feel things. Sure the situation isn’t ideal, but you can’t fight a connection. That’s what you felt for Hannah, remember? And look how that turned out.”

“Yeah, she died.”

“Yes, she did. And it was awful. But before she did, you fell in love with her, married her, and made an incredible little boy. She gave you so much in her life, Luke. Maybe this is something she’s giving you in her death.”

Fuck. The damn breaks as a tear streams down my cheek. I brush it away swiftly and then stop the rest from falling, choking down the lump in my throat.

“I have to teach a class in fifteen minutes, Tenley, and you’re fucking making me cry.”

“I’m sorry,” she trembles through her words, clearly emotional as well. “But it’s something to think about. I’m not saying you have to act on your feelings today or even tomorrow. But don’t shut them down. Soak them in, feel everything… and when the moment is right, you’ll know how to move forward.”

I let out a long sigh, gazing up at the roof of my car while I gather myself. “Okay, Tenley. I hear you.”

“Finally, you’re starting to listen to your sister,” she teases, but I can sense the smile behind her voice.

“Well, you’re younger than me, so naturally, I don’t want to believe you know more than I do.”

I hear her small chuckle. “Understandable. But I’m also a woman and I love you, so sometimes, I do know best.”

“I love you too, Tenley. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Have a good day, Luke,” she says before she ends the call and I muster up the resolve to focus on my job for today.

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