Page 81 of Revived

Chapter 26

Luke

“What the fuck did you do?” Cash slugs my arm as he sits down next to me at Skye’s Creations on a sweltering Friday morning. My summer classes only run Monday through Thursday, so Friday’s I have a free day. My mother agreed to keep Grayson for me this morning for a few hours so I could meet with the guys, even though she’s been watching him all week again, just like she did before she broke her hip.

You see, when you fire your nanny and break-up with her in the same night, you’re forced to face the consequences of your actions in more than one way—like the fact that your childcare walked out the door along with the woman you miss more than you want to admit.

“What makes you think I’m the one that did something?” I grimace as I rub the spot he hit.

Cash just shoots me a knowing and offended look as Cooper joins us.

“Okay, fine. I fired her and broke up with her,” I admit, remembering the look on her face when I told her to get out of my house. Not my finest moment, I know.

“What the fuck? Why?” Cooper looks shocked as he sits in on the conversation that just started.

“You’re a fucking idiot. You know she’s staying at my house, right?” Cash asks before all three of us take a sip of our coffees.

With my eyes focused solely on my light blue cup, I keep talking. “I figured. Is she… is she okay?” I flick my line of sight over to him.

Cash narrows his eyes back at me and then sits back in his chair. “Why the fuck should I tell you that?”

That makes my head fly up higher. “What? Why wouldn’t you?”

He just shakes his head, the look of complete disappointment displayed for all to see. “I can’t believe how fucking stupid you are, Luke.”

“Hey! You don’t know what happened, okay? You’re only getting one side of the story.” I’m trying to defend myself, but at the same time, I know I deserve most of the blame.

It’s my fear and shortcomings that lead to the break-up—the night I keep replaying over and over while I lay in my bed at night, wishing she were next to me. That thought keeps me awake too, especially since I never let her in my bed, or my room. Just like I never fully let her in my heart, either.

Cash is right. I am a fucking idiot, but I also know that this is for the best. I can’t be the man she needs, not when I have my son to focus on and my heart still belongs to another woman, even if she is dead.

“Then enlighten me please.” Cash waves his hand, opening up the floor for me to spill my guts. But I can’t because the shame I feel is weighing me down. “That’s what I thought. You’re going to let your fear and cowardness prevent you from loving a woman that is perfect for you.”

“Fuck you, Cash! You have no idea what you’re talking about!” I shout and stand as he meets me eye to eye.

“Hey, guys. Knock it off. We don’t need to do this here,” Cooper interrupts as people around us start to stare and whisper.

“Fine, then let’s go to the parking lot.” Cash shoves his chair into the table and we follow suit, turning on our heels to walk out to our cars.

“Now tell us. Why are you pushing her away? Why is that woman who has been nothing but incredible to you and your son sulking on my couch and crying in her ice cream?” Cash stands tall, his arms folded across his broad chest, his sunglasses covering his icy blue eyes. But I know if I could see them, he’d be envisioning strangling my neck with his bare hands.

“She’s been crying?” I look up at him, praying he’s lying, but also knowing he’s probably telling the truth.

“Of course she’s been fucking crying. You broke her heart.”

“Well, mine was broken five years ago, Cash. And no matter how much I want to let her heal it, I don’t think she can.”

“Is that what this is about? Hannah?” Cooper chimes in.

I let out a long sigh. “Yes, and no. Fuck! It’s complicated, alright?”

Cash shakes his head mockingly. “No, it’s not. You’re the one making it complicated.”

“With all due respect, Cash. You have no right to tell me what to feel or do, okay? Until you lose the love of your life, you have no idea what’s been going through my mind while navigating developing feelings for another woman, alright? So fuck off!”

Cash rips his sunglasses from his eyes and gets right in my face, his nose almost touching mine. “You’re right. I don’t know what that’s like. But I did almost lose the woman that I love more than life itself, and I think that was more terrifying… the fact that I had in her my hands and she almost slipped away. And then here you are. You’ve been given a second chance, man. Rachel is amazing and she fucking loves your kid,” he says, poking a finger into my sternum. “I know you’ll always love Hannah, but she’s gone. She’s not fucking coming back. And now there’s this woman here who’s very much alive and just wants to love you, and for you to love her in return. The question is, why won’t you let her?”

I swallow the lump in my throat as he backs away. And I don’t speak because I don’t know why I won’t let her. I don’t have an answer for that question, so I don’t respond.

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