Page 39 of Revived

Before I know it, Mother’s Day is fast approaching, and Grayson and I have been working on a secret project to surprise Luke with at his parent’s house for the occasion.

“I can’t wait to show Daddy.” Grayson lights up as I finish wrapping the album.

“I know, sweetie. I think he will love it,” I suggest, even though I honestly don’t know how Luke will react when he sees the album that Grayson and I put together of pictures of him, Hannah, and their son.

Living with them for almost three months now, I’ve noticed that Grayson has taken a large interest in his mom, commenting on her pictures around the house and asking all sorts of questions about her, to which I don’t have many answers and do my best to not say the wrong thing. So I thought making a scrapbook that showed her and Luke’s relationship, the timeline of her pregnancy, Grayson’s birth, and up until Hannah’s death would be a good way for him to see the love she had for him, even though their time together was short. I also thought it would be a tool Luke could use to talk to his son more about her, when he felt the moment was right of course.

Luke’s mom helped me with finding pictures, digging up digital files on memory cards that she still had from years ago. It took a few weeks to pull everything together, but the beautiful blue book, decorated by Grayson of course, is ready to be handed to Luke. And I’m a bundled mess of nerves over what his reaction will be.

We drive over to his parent’s house together, the three of us like a family in his car, the idea hitting me hard as I realize that that’s exactly how this feels—like we are a family, albeit in an unconventional way. And the more time I spend with these two men who will forever own a piece of my heart, the more I accept that I want them in every aspect of my life.

“Grandma!” Grayson shouts once he’s freed from his car seat and runs across the lawn to hug Luke’s mom with force.

“Grayson! You are getting so big! I swear, I feel like I never see you anymore and when I do, you’ve grown an inch!” She beams, hugging him as he wraps his arms around her legs.

“Daddy says I grow like a weed!”

Luke laughs as we make our way up to the door, maintaining a safe distance between us so no one suspects anything has changed. But boy, has it. “That’s because you never stop eating. I should have named you Grayson- ‘I’m hungry’ - Henderson.”

“Sounds like another little boy I knew growing up.” His mom winks at him before facing me. “Hi, Rachel. You look beautiful today,” she grins, making my cheeks flush. Luke told me the same thing before we left the house today, but somehow I feel like her comment was made to catch his attention.

“Thank you, and thanks for having us today. Do you need any help?”

We follow her into the house as Luke and Grayson make their way outside to the backyard. Grayson gravitates to the swing set instantly while Luke reminds him of what he can and cannot do with his cast now.

“I’m actually feeling pretty good today. I have another follow up appointment this week, but after that, I should be good as new.” She moves around the kitchen, gathering dishes from the cupboards as we prepare to have brunch. Luke’s mom, Catherine, suggested a champagne breakfast for today, knowing this day is always hard on Luke. Obviously, Luke’s sister Tenley lives in California, so she won’t be joining us. But she always tries to make the day easier on her son, even though this day is supposed to be about celebrating her. I guess that’s what Mother’s do, even on their ‘day off’—they still worry about their own children.

“I’m so glad to hear that. And thank you again for having us.” I set the album on the counter and bite my lip. “Do you think he’s going to be mad?”

She stares outside, watching Grayson play as Luke stands next to his father. “It’s hard to say, but I think this is important either way. I think having you around is making Grayson ask all sorts of questions and this will give Luke a visual way to explain that even though Hannah isn’t here physically, she still loves him very much.”

I can’t help the way my eyes tear up whenever Hannah gets brought up in conversation, because I can’t imagine what it feels like to grow up without your mom. My mother and I are very close, and I count on her so much in my life—her wisdom, her love, her ability to calm me down when I feel like I’m losing control.

And then there’s Luke’s side. His experience has me trying to comprehend what losing your spouse must feel like. Yet even so, to this day, I don’t know how Hannah died.

“I hope this isn’t overstepping, and I probably should have asked while we were putting this album together, but how exactly did she die?”

Catherine turns to me and her eyes fill with moisture. “Car accident,” she whispers and then turns away. “I had Grayson with me, thank God. She went out one night to go shopping. Luke was at work and she called and asked if I could take the baby so she could go to the grocery store alone and get a break. Luke had been on shift with the sheriff’s department for a few days straight and Grayson was colicky and wouldn’t stop crying, so of course I offered to take him. I remember what it was like those first few months with a new baby.”

“I can only imagine…”

“And then she was gone. It was foggy and she lost control on a turn and went headfirst into a tree. She died instantly.” Catherine holds back a sob as I feel myself do the same. My stomach plummets, my heart aches, and my tears build as I think about such a young and vibrant woman losing her life so soon, leaving behind a brand new baby and a man that obviously loved her very much.

I walk over and hug Catherine, the two of us providing each other comfort even though there’s nothing that can make the pain of losing someone go away. And then we straighten ourselves up, put smiles on our faces, and finish preparing the brunch so we can eat.

Pancakes, waffles, bacon, sausage, eggs, hash browns, and toppings of all kinds fill the table as Luke’s father fills champagne glasses with a mixture of bubbly and orange juice while we all sit down to eat. Once our stomachs are full and satisfied, Grayson jumps from the table and grabs the album we made, bringing it very carefully over to Luke.

“You’re not supposed to get me a present today, bud. It’s Mother’s Day, not Father’s Day.”

“I know, Daddy. But Rachel and I made this for you and for my mommy.” Luke’s eyes pop up to mine in question, obviously wondering what his son must be talking about.

“Just open it, Luke,” Catherine chimes in as we all wait on the edge of our seats for him to open the wrapping paper. Luke tears at the seams and then his eyes go wide as he takes in the photo album, which has a small picture of Luke, Hannah, and a newborn Grayson stationed on the cover.

I watch him swallow and then look at everyone but me. “What is this?”

“It’s a photo album, Daddy, of me and you and Mommy. Rachel helped me make it!” Grayson is ecstatic, even though the tension between the adults in the room is thick as fog.

“I can see that. Well, it’s beautiful, bud. Thank you.”

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