Page 28 of Revived

Chapter 10

Luke

“How’s it going?” My sister’s morning inquisition begins as soon as she answers the phone. Our morning phone calls during my commute are always the easiest way for us to catch up. Trying to have a conversation with Grayson around always ends up in frustration for both of us.

“Uh, it’s going. Work is the usual, Grayson is getting bigger by the second…”

“And how’s Rachel?”

I instantly smile, thinking back fondly on our impromptu movie date last week. Although… was it a date? I don’t know if I’d classify it that way, but I sure as hell had a great time. I feel lighter since that day, like Rachel chiseled away a piece of the wall I’ve erected to keep complications and fun out of my life. The morning after the movie, we returned to our normal routine, but things were different too—like our friendship was more prevalent. Even Grayson picked up on it as we joked around with each other a bit more.

“She’s good. I’m proud to say I feel like I made the right decision hiring her, Ten. She’s so patient with Grayson, she helps with so many things around the house, and her company at the end of the day is something I always look forward to…”

Tenley stays quiet for a moment. “Luke? You like her, don’t you?”

“Of course I like her. I wouldn’t have hired her if I didn’t like her.”

“No,” she scoffs and then continues. “I mean, you like her, like her…”

“Okay, when you say it like that, you sound like we’re in middle school right now.” I roll my eyes in frustration, checking the rearview mirror as I signal to change lanes.

“Luke. This is… well, this is good!” She exclaims, catching me off-guard.

“What? Uh, Tenley, I’m sorry, but I’m thoroughly confused right now.”

One of her kids comes up to her for a moment, and then she shoos them off. “Luke. You’re opening up. You’re letting this woman in. Don’t you know how incredible that is?”

And now I’m feeling defensive. “We’re just friends, Tenley. Yes, I’m establishing a friendship with this woman, which I assumed would happen naturally. I mean, she is living with me.”

“Are you sure it’s not more? Because it’s okay if it is, Luke.”

I sigh, pulling into the parking lot and shoving the stick shift in park. “Tenley… it’s complicated.”

“Well, yes. But that shouldn’t stop you….”

“No, it most certainly should stop me! Fine, you want me to admit it? I like the woman, okay? I like her, a lot, and it’s not okay. She’s gorgeous and funny. She takes care of my kid like he’s her own. I look forward to the evenings when we sit down on the couch and watch re-runs of Friends while talking about nothing and everything. I like her, but…”

“Luke…” my sister whispers, and I can almost hear the emotion in her voice.

“Tenley… she’s…”

“I know, Luke,” her voice cracks and fuck if it doesn’t bring tears to my eyes. “I know this must be hard for you, but this is so good for you too…”

I stare at myself in the mirror, the lines on my face clearly showing my confusion. “Then why do I feel so guilty?” I finally whisper, barely getting the words out.

“I’d be worried if you didn’t. But that doesn’t mean that what you’re feeling is wrong.” Her gentle voice soothes some of my worry because I do feel like what goes through my mind is wrong.

Obviously, the physical attraction for Rachel is what developed first, and then after accidently seeing her naked, that only grew along with my dick any time I thought about it. But now there’s an emotional connection too, albeit not a very deep one because I avoid going that far with her. And it’s alarming how I look forward to talking to her each day because she doesn’t make me feel so alone. I genuinely want to get to know her more, and the time we spend together is because we want to, not because we feel obligated to do so.

She cooks us dinner, and I do the dishes. She bathes Grayson and I put him to bed. She washes the clothes and I fold them. We’re a team, a unit, and I barely had that with Hannah after Grayson was born. It’s comforting and new, yet feels right in so many ways that I feel nothing but guilt at the idea that my mind is lighter knowing I’m not alone anymore in our home.

“It’s just… a lot, Tenley,” I finally say.

“I know. But if you’re feeling this way about her, maybe that’s a sign… a sign that it’s time to move on…”

“What if something happens, Ten? What if I give in, let myself go there, and then I fuck it up and it ruins everything? I can’t do that to Grayson. I can’t do that to her. She’s depending on me for a place to live right now and a job until she can go back to school in the fall.”

“I know it’s complicated, Luke, and I’m sorry that it is, especially because I know how much you need this. I want you to be happy, big brother. So look for a sign. Something to show you that crossing that line is worth it.”

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