Page 23 of Revived

I shake my head and close my eyes, which was a huge mistake as the image of a naked Rachel instantly pops up while I desperately try to keep my dick from doing the same. “No, fucker. It’s… fuck, it’s nothing…”

“Doesn’t sound like nothing,” he says just as Cooper arrives. The three of us wait for our drinks and then choose a table outside under an umbrella, shielding us from the bright sun, even though the air is still chilly this late in March.

“So, you gonna tell us what happened, or are we expected to just watch you have a nervous breakdown?” Cooper chuckles before taking a sip of his coffee.

I stare down at my cup, my palms holding the cardboard tightly, almost to the point I’m about to pop the lid off the top.

“O-kay,” Cash says, reaching for my drink before it explodes. “Talk, fucker.”

I take a deep breath and then let it out, knowing if there are any people I can confess this to, it’s these guys. “I walked in on Rachel this morning…”

“Taking a shit?” Cash interrupts and I lunge for him as he cackles.

“No, idiot. She was naked… she just got done taking a shower.”

Both of their eyebrows raise as Cooper laughs. “Oh, shit. Bet that was uncomfortable.”

“You have no idea, not to mention the fact that I live with this woman and now have to look her in the eyes every day, knowing what she looks like with no clothes on.”

“You hadn’t imagined that yet? Forgive me, Luke… but if you hadn’t noticed what a knock out Rachel is, I’m concerned for your dick, man. I know you haven’t been with anyone since Hannah, but…”

“Stop right there, Cash, before I have to punch you. Don’t talk about Hannah, okay? You have no idea how much this last month has rattled my mind,” I growl through clenched teeth, realizing I’m reaching my breaking point right now, but grateful it’s in front of these assholes and not Rachel.

“Okay, take a deep breath, Luke,” Cooper chimes in, relieving some of the tension between the three of us. “You look like you’re about to explode, man.”

“I feel that way. I am finding a woman attractive for the first time since my wife died and it’s fucking with me, guys. And now I’ve seen her naked, though not by choice, and I live with her. How am I supposed to get past this?”

Cash shoots a contemplative look at Cooper and then focuses back on me. “Do you want to get past it? I mean, there are worse women out there than Rachel. Hell, she’s actually a catch, man.”

I shake my head. “You can’t be serious. The woman is my nanny. I can’t date her.”

“I get where you’re coming from, Luke,” Cooper interjects. “Maybe you just need to date in general, see if it’s Rachel you really want, or if maybe you're fixating on her because she’s the only woman you see on a day-to-day basis.”

That tidbit actually might make some sense. Rachel is around me every day. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I need some aversion therapy to remind myself that I’m not ready for this—that I don’t want someone new in my life in a romantic way.

“You know… I saw a flier for some speed dating event this weekend,” Cash says as he looks around. “I think it was up at the counter, in fact. Anyway, maybe you go, talk to several women, and see how you feel. If anything, you’ll get your answer about whether you’re ready to date or not. Or at the very least if Rachel is the only woman you’ve got your eye on.”

Call me crazy, but the idea has merit. As much as the thought of dating makes me sick to my stomach, I need to know if this thing with Rachel is a coincidence, or if she’s actually buried herself beneath my skin.

“Fuck. With the way I’m feeling right now, I’m willing to try it.”

“Yes, Luke!” Cash smacks me on the shoulder before standing to retrieve the flier from inside. Cooper fills me in on Clara’s pregnancy a bit before Cash returns and I slide the flier into my pocket, vowing to look at it more later.

Another thirty minutes pass by as Cash reminds us about his impending wedding, happier than a bride-to-be, in my opinion. But in all honesty, I’m ecstatic for the guy. Piper and he went through some shit to get where they’re at. He proved that love is worth fighting for and can’t be helped, a reminder of the love I felt for my late wife and the turmoil I feel in developing feelings for another woman recently.

I make my way home, spend a few hours playing Legos with Grayson before I dress and head to the campus to teach my night classes, avoiding Rachel as much as possible in the house. I know it’s the cowardly thing to do, but I’m hoping that the passing of time will help the embarrassment subside and things will go back to normal sooner rather than later.

When I arrive home later that night, I’m greeted by Rachel sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn between her legs, her eyes fixated on the television.

“Hey,” I say when she sees me. Smooth, Luke. Real smooth.

“Hi. How were your classes?” She asks, shoving a handful of kernels in her mouth. The smell is enticing as I make my way inside and take a seat next to her, reaching for my own palmful of the buttery snack.

“Good. Long. Time was passing really slowly tonight.”

“I agree. Look, Luke,” she turns to me, pausing the television before speaking. “I know this morning was embarrassing for both of us. But I don’t want things to be weird. I love working for you and taking care of Grayson. I just want us to forget about it and go back to normal. What do you say?” Her eyes are pleading with me to agree.

I huff and then look down at my hands in my lap. “Yeah, I want that too. Again, I’m so fucking sorry, Rachel.”

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