Page 16 of Revived

Chapter 6

Luke

“Tell me why I had to hear that you hired a nanny from Mom?” My sister scolds me through the phone as I drive to class Monday morning.

“Well, good morning to you too, Tenley.”

“Don’t try to change the subject. Spill older brother.” I can hear her kids screaming in the background, but it doesn’t seem to faze her.

I let out a defeated sigh as I continue to drive, signaling to turn. “I had to. Mom falling was the last straw. I feel guilty, but I can’t rely solely on Mom and Dad anymore, Ten. I need help and this girl is actually a friend of Cash and Piper’s, so I feel like I can trust her. It’s better than trying to hire some stranger or go through an agency. Besides, it’s only for a few months. Once Grayson is in kindergarten, things will get easier.”

“Why don’t you just put him in a daycare like other working parents? My kids go to daycare and are just fine,” she replies, the sound of her sipping her coffee follows.

“I know. I’m not bashing daycares. I just… he’s only ever been with Mom and Dad, you know? I’d hate to enroll him somewhere only to have him leave in a few months after he’s finally adjusted. This way I have someone for the days when I teach at night too, Ten. I can’t take him to daycare at night.”

She relents. “True. So… what’s her name? What’s she like? And most importantly, does Grayson like her?”

I can’t help the pull of my lips as I smile at the thought of how smitten Grayson is with Rachel. I swear, it’s like he’s crushing on her harder than I am.

Which I’m not. Nope. I am not finding my live-in nanny attractive in the least.

“He loves her, Tenley. She’s energetic and smart and has so much patience with him. You know how talkative he can be…”

“Yes. In fact, I’m due for another lesson about the human body soon from my nephew,” she teases, referencing their weekly phone calls.

“I’ll make sure we call you tonight. Rachel has been reading him even more books and they’ve been working on projects. On Friday I came home to a replica of the human heart with red food coloring pumping through it to mimic blood.” Slowing down, I prepare to exit the highway, arriving at the university fifteen minutes before my first class.

“Wow.”

“Yeah. She’s getting ready to start her credential program in the fall to be an elementary teacher. Based on what I’ve seen in the past few days, I think that’s her calling.” I can hear the comment coming through the silence on the phone. “Just say it, Tenley,” I huff as I pull into a parking spot and shut off my car.

“Is she pretty?”

I don’t answer—not because I don’t have an answer, but because I don’t like my answer.

“Is there something going on between the two of you, Luke? Because if there were….”

“No. Absolutely not. There is nothing between me and Rachel, okay? For starters, she’s my nanny. And two, I can’t do that to Hannah.” I feel my anger rise while the thoughts I’ve had of Rachel over the past few days filter through my mind. I’m ashamed to admit I find her attractive and obviously love how much she’s taken to my son. But that’s all this can be. I can’t get involved with anyone, especially her. It’s too messy. And besides, I’m not looking for a relationship. The last woman I loved died, and I don’t need to lose someone else again.

“Luke… It’s been almost five years…”

“You think I don’t know that?” I snap, cutting her off. “I know exactly how long it’s been, Tenley. I think about that night every day and am reminded by the minute that my son is growing up without his mother.”

“I’m not saying it has to be Rachel, which I agree is not a good idea giving your working relationship with her. But it’s okay to move on, Luke. Hannah was my best friend and I miss her every day too, but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone for the rest of your life.”

I love my sister; I do. But I don’t have time for this right now. I don’t need the incessant reminder I get from my friends and family that it’s okay for me to move forward with my life, to love someone else again. I’m moving on in the only way I know how—focusing on Grayson and what’s best for him. Loving and caring for my son is the only responsibility I can take on. Being in a relationship requires time and energy that I just don’t have to give, and I’m not sure I’ll ever want to give again in the future. Hannah owned every ounce of me. I don’t know that there’s anything left for anyone else.

“I know that. But now’s not the time. I have Grayson to think about,” I say, brushing my hands through my hair, messing up the gel and hairspray I put it in this morning, and then reaching for my coat. “Listen, I just got to the college. I’ve gotta go, Tenley.”

She sighs heavily and then says something to one of her kids before she returns her attention to me. “I know, Luke. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t.”

“Okay, sure. Anyway, call me tonight so I can see my genius nephew. And don’t forget, we’ll get to see you guys in a few months for his birthday party.”

My sister and her husband live in northern California, where he works for a software company and she owns a skincare salon. The two of them are always working and running to and from sporting events or school functions, so they rarely make it up to see us in Emerson Falls. But this year my son is turning five, and I am throwing him the biggest birthday party I can afford, which means my family is going to make the trip and stay here for a few weeks this summer to visit.

“Yes. Grayson is looking forward to seeing his cousins and his favorite aunt.”

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