Page 27 of Tangled

Clara spits her mouthful of chips and salsa across my kitchen floor while Amy knocks her margarita over, pink slushie sliding across the granite counters.

“What?” Clara asks once she’s cleared her throat, still leaving her mess everywhere. Amy frantically searches for a towel to clink up her drink and Perry rushes to help her, sopping up the pink liquid with paper towels.

Sighing, I brace myself for explaining our encounter. “I went to work early Monday morning to finish up a few things before the kids arrived, and when I opened my classroom door, there were a bazillion crickets all over the floor.”

“Okaaaaay,” Perry drags out, motioning us all over to the couch and loveseat so we can get more comfortable while I re-live my mortification.

“I screamed when I saw them, of course… you guys know, I hate crickets.”

Amy and Perry nod while Clara rolls her eyes.

“Anyway, I screamed and then started running away…”

“That’s a bit dramatic,” Clara teases as I shoot her a death glare.

“And with my head turned, I ran into someone and almost fell over, but he caught me. When I looked up at who it was, it was him.”

“The lumberjack?” Amy asks, sitting on the edge of her seat with drool dripping from the corner of her mouth.

“Yup. Only he wasn’t dressed in flannel and jeans this time. Nope. He was wearing a dark grey button-down shirt with a black tie, black slacks, and tan dress shoes.” I distinctly remember thinking that the look of him dressed professionally could easily rival the lumberjack look. The man is downright sexy in anything he wears, apparently.

“So what happened?” Perry urges me to continue.

“Well, once we realized who each other was, he teased me about the crickets before he helped extricate them from my room. I thanked him and then told him things didn’t have to be awkward, given that we slept together before knowing we were colleagues. And then he proceeded to tell me he was fine with it, but he was more worried aboutmemaking it a big deal,” I roll my eyes before taking a sip of my drink.

“He said that?” Perry asks, her nose scrunching up.

“Yup. Said women are too emotional, so I’d better check my feelings.”

“Ugh, what a pig.”

“Then I ran into him in the teacher’s lounge yesterday and he acted like an ass when I asked him for help unjamming the copier. One of the other teachers helped me, but not before apologizing for Kane.”

“Kane? Mmmm, that’s a yummy name,” Clara points out. Believe me, when he told me his name, that was the first thing that came to my mind too. It suits him, and I couldn’t help but want to shout it while he plowed into me again.

“So, he’s being a dick. Is that really that big of a problem? I mean, you probably won’t see him that much, right? Teachers are usually so busy during the day, they rarely interact with each other,” Perry adds.

“Well, yes, and no. I mean, we will see each other at meetings and sporting events, fundraisers, and other stuff. But God! The man made me so pissed that he couldn’t just remain civil. Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I can’t have a one-night-stand and detach feelings.”

I say the words, but my heart doesn’t believe them. The truth of the matter is, even though I wanted to so badly to believe that my night with Kane was just me trying to move past Trevor and have fun, I’ve never been the type of girl to just sleep with a guy one time. I’ve always been either dating the guy or in a committed relationship. I hadoneone-night-stand back in college and cried for three days afterwards, swearing I would never do it again. Sex has always been emotional for me, so I don’t know why I thought that now, at thirty-one, I would feel any different. Believe me, Sunday I was nothing more than a jumble of emotions as I rearranged my classroom and then vegged out on the couch before work on Monday. I was trying to process all of my thoughts by distracting myself and eating my feelings.

But then once I saw Kane again and he started acting like an ass, I had to accept that the emotion I couldn’t put a label on, was in fact, disappointment.

I was disappointed in myself for doing something so out of character. I was disappointed in him for not being able to act like an adult about it. And in turn, I guess I felt a tad rejected, especially when he looked at me like I was a mistake.

I’m tired of feeling like a mistake, like I’m second best. Trevor chose someone else over me. And another one of my exes married the woman he dated right after me, which definitely dwindled my confidence and made me feel less than good enough.

I may look confident and collected on the outside, but right now, I’m swimming in a sea of self-doubt.

“Well, I’m gonna be honest here,” Perry chimes in. “It seems you do have some feelings about this. Was itjustsex for you?”

I glance away, focusing on the TV stand, where pictures of my family and friends are on display. The frame holding a picture of my parents at their thirtieth wedding anniversary catches my attention, the two of them gazing at each other like they were still teenagers in love—I want that. And I thought that having casual sex would help me move on from that longing, accept the fact that I’m starting over again at finding my person.

I guess I was wrong.

“I wanted it to be just sex, but you guys know me. I’m not wired that way.”

“Well, was it because you liked him more than just for the physical? Or are you still nursing your broken heart?” Amy finally speaks up, and I hate her questions because I don’t know how to answer them.

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