Page 94 of Tangled

“That you lost her? That she’s going back to him?”

I think back as the night replays in my mind. “No, she didn’t, but mostly since I didn’t give her the chance to. She seemed just as confused as I did that we all were connected.”

“And the hurt?” She presses again, calmly but firmly, directing me to keep talking.

I hear my breath catch in my throat and the sting of tears come forward. “My chest fucking aches. I’m so afraid to lose her because the pain I’m feeling right now is the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced—worse than when he ripped apart my life the first time, believe it or not. I’m hurt because the future I saw with Olivia is somehow tainted by my past, and I wanted so badly for those two things to be separate. There was supposed to be “before Olivia” and “after Olivia”,” I say while weighing my hands in the air, “Not this weird limbo where those two parts of my life are tied together with a string. I guess I just feel like my past is doomed to repeat itself—T.J. playing his part in it again.”

She scribbles a few notes on her paper before setting it down and facing me again. “That is a legitimate fear, Kane, given what you’ve experienced. But let me ask you this—who are most of those feelings directed towards? T.J. or Olivia?”

And when she says that, it finally hits me. The truth I needed to see, the clarification that I knew this appointment would help me find.

It’s not Olivia I’m mad at. The fury I feel is not directed towards her, yet she’s the one who’s paying the price right now. She’s the one I’ve been ignoring, not giving her a chance to reassure me that I’m the man she wants to be with. I haven’t given her that opportunity because I’ve been too pumped with anger and fear to hear what she has to say.

“T.J., obviously,” I answer as Dr. Martinez nods.

“Exactly. Your feelings are completely justifiable, but you need to remember who they’re directed towards. And I hate to break it to you, but rarely in life can we avoid the connection between our past and our present. There’s usually some experience before that leads us to the one we’re living in, a tangled mess of interwoven plot lines and people. This woman obviously means a lot to you, and you don’t want to ruin things with Olivia because you’re mad at T.J. Plus, I think you owe it to her to hear her side of the story.”

I let out a long exhale as the tightness of my chest dissipates and regret takes over.

“Fuck,” I mumble.

“Kane, I really wish…” she pauses and then takes a deep breath. “You know what, I can’t chastise you for using that word when I don’t blame you. FUCK!” She exclaims, throwing her hands in the air, which makes my entire body bounce with laughter.

“God, it’s crazy what processing that all out loud can do, Doc,” I say as the adrenaline runs dry in my veins now.

“Exactly. Once we’re able to take a step back and assess what’s really causing the anxiety, we no longer give it power. Or at least, we give it less power. Living with this anger and anxiousness you feel may never completely go away. But you did the right thing by calling, Kane. I’m proud of you and I’m rooting for you and Olivia. Watching you transform into a man who opened his heart again has been a pleasure to witness. Please don’t let her pass you by. You can move past this, I know you can.”

Even though I hate to admit it, Dr. Martinez’s words make my eyes well as a tear cascades down my cheek. Yes, I’m crying, but fuck… the past two days have sliced my heart and confidence in two. I told myself I would never care again, that I would never open myself up to the possibility to be hurt like I was before.

But my chest is wide open, and although this turn of events stings, I don’t want to close myself off again because I know I would lose Olivia in the process. She’s the woman I’m meant to be with, the one with the key to my heart. The only way I’ll close myself up again is by her hands, because she’s the only one that I want to let inside.

“Three years ago, I never thought I would get to the point I am today, where I finally feel at peace again. I never thought the idea of falling in love would cross my mind again after what Natasha and T.J. did. But you’ve helped me change my life, Doc. There aren’t enough words to thank you.”

Dr. Martinez’s lip trembles through a smile, but she doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have to. She looks at me with pride, which is enough for me—the woman has transformed my life. We both stand and give each other a heartfelt hug as I promise to check in with her soon once the dust has settled.

While driving back home, this intense wave of exhaustion hits me from the lack of sleep over the past few days and the adrenaline leaving my body. I make my way inside and head straight for bed, giving myself the permission to gather some energy, calm down, and put myself back together before making things right with Olivia. I want to make sure I am confident that I can move past this and explain my reaction clearly before I see her.

When I wake from my nap, it’s late in the afternoon, the sunset blinding my eyes from between the curtains I accidently left open, and my appetite has returned. Trudging into the kitchen, I search for sustenance before I realize I have no food. So I fire up my truck and head into town. Since going to the grocery store on an empty stomach is not a good idea, I pull into the parking lot of Penny’s Diner, deciding to eat before I restock my fridge.

The classic 50s diner transports you back in time with bright red booths, teal walls with giant black records painted on them, and chrome details along every surface. I glide over to a seat at the counter as a waitress greets me. Since I get the same thing every time I come here, I give her my order and wait for my food while sipping my iced tea and checking my phone.

There aren’t any new messages or missed calls from Olivia, but there is one from Drew. I’m sure he’s just trying to be a good friend, but I’m still not ready to talk to anyone yet. I know the only person I need to talk to is Olivia, but I need to get my head on straight. I need to make sure the words I want to say to her are clear and not misconstrued. As I start toying around with my speech in my head, a familiar voice comes up behind me.

“Hey, Kane,” the timid rumble of T.J.’s voice startles me as I turn and take him in. His dark hair is a mess and the bags under his eyes indicate his lack of sleep and distress.

My jaw clenches tight and my heart jump starts while the distance between us closes as he takes a seat next to me. I don’t speak; I don’t react—because if I do, it’s going to undo all the calm I finally found just a few hours earlier.

“I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now,” T.J. breaks the silence, turning on his stool to face me. The waitress comes over at this moment to deliver my food, but I never acknowledge her face to face.

“Thank you,” I say to her from the corner of my mouth, my eyes still locked on my ex-best friend.

“But I’m actually glad I ran into you. I’m… I just stopped for a meal before I hit the road again.”

“What do you need, T.J.? Haven’t you done enough damage in my life?” I finally manage to say even though my body is vibrating with my rapid pulse.

“I owe you a long overdue apology, Kane. I’m so sorry for the way things happened with Natasha. There’s no excuse to justify what I did.” His eyes plead with me for forgiveness as he waits for my response, but I remain silent.

“And I swear, I had no idea that you knew Olivia. Hell, I didn’t even know you lived in Emerson Falls,” he says, sitting up taller now.

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