Page 41 of Eternally Devoted

“Well, I knocked on the door expecting Rhett to answer.Hadhe answered, my plan was to invite myself in on behalf of Ivy. I wasn’t sure if it would work, but both fortunately and unfortunately I never had the chance to find out.” I lick my lips, my pulse nervously thumping in my throat. “Keith answered. He said he recognized me from the market, and I guess I kind of did recognize him a little, too. It had definitely been a few years since I’d seen him, but he did look vaguely familiar.”

“How’d you manage to get inside and get them to eat jam?” Dash wonders aloud.

“I told him I was there to see Rhett, and he let me in. Rhett was in the shower, but I was told I could wait. He was… really eyeing me. I was beyond uncomfortable, so to make small talk I took out the jam and told him who I was, that I was Ivy’s older sister and I wanted to talk to Rhett about their relationship and that I came with a peace offering. The jar of jam.”

My eyes fall closed for a brief moment as a vivid memory dances around my head, causing an image of Keith Heard to appear. Shoulder-length blond hair stringy from grease, his gaunt frame and tattered old whiskey t-shirt, the way his worn eyes scraped over my body unabashedly—a shudder racks my torso from just the memory.

“Once I told him who I was, he started to talk about Ivy. Called her a gothic bitch who wants to be a man.” My bottom lip wobbles remembering the violence that took place in those four walls two years back. “I wanted it to be peaceful, you know? I mean, I know smothering someone I’ve drugged isn’t peaceful for them, but all things considered, for what they deserved, it is peaceful. If it’s loud and messy and scary, that’s when I really feel like I’m doing something wrong. That’s why the jam worked so well. It was so peaceful. So simple. But after he insulted Ivy, I just… I don’t know. I became someone else entirely.”

“A very bad girl,” Sterling says, not seductively despite the flare of heat between my legs at the smoky curve of his words.

“Yes,” I say slowly, nodding, still playing with the hem of my nightie until Dash clasps his hand over mine. I look over at him, finding his silvering eyes unsettled. “I’ve been very bad.”

“What happened next?” Dash presses. Sterling drapes his hand over my thigh, and even though he’s touched me more tonight than I could argue he ever has before, my body reacts like the first touch. Clenching and pulsing privately, arousal pricking through my limbs, I place my hand on his and answer Dash.

“I took off my dress, right there in the living room, with his filthy words about my sister still hanging in the air, I showed him my bare body.” I shake my head, feeling disgusting all over again. “I used myself because it’s all I could think to do, and then when Rhett came out I told them that if he got back together with Ivy, I’d let them have me. For one night, together.”

“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that they wanted to do that, and agreed?”

I nod. “Yes. I told them before we were going to have sex that they needed a snack for their stamina. I told them I wanted peanut butter and jam, and they wanted some too.” I shake my head, in disbelief of what happened next, still surprised by it years later. “Keith was onto me. He asked why I wanted them out of nowhere, why Ivy cared about Rhett so much anyway. And then he asked what might be in the jam.”

“What did you tell him?” Sterl asks, completely on edge now.

“I told him they needed their stamina, and I agreed to eat the jam too, to prove that it wasn’t dosed with anything. We ate sandwiches, I told them I was going to freshen up before we did it, and then I purged as much as I could in their bathroom. I knew not all of the paralytic would be out of my system, so I had to work even faster. When I came back out of the restroom a fewminutes later, they were both unconscious on the floor. I started to feel… funny. As quickly as I could, I smothered them with a pillow until I lost track of their respective pulses. I got my dress back on and the traces of paralytic hit. I made sure to sit upright, and then I had to sit in the house with their dead bodies at my feet, paralyzed, staring at them for two hours before I regained my strength. It was horrible.”

“Get up,” Dash says, surprising me. “C’mon, up. On your feet.”

Sterling and Dash both stand, so I join them, tears in my eyes. That night was awful, and if I’m honest, Keith and Rhett are the only two of my victims that I’ve ever second-guessed.

Immediately I’m sandwiched between their arms, heat and muscle keeping me safe, the familiar scent of them bringing much-needed comfort. With so much safety, I unravel a little, my shoulders trembling as my legs grow weak. I hadn’t anticipated growing so emotional, recounting all of these things, but as heavy sobs leave my belly and fill the air, I’m just grateful for my guys.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Sterling soothes, pressing his lips to my hairline.

“You’ve been strong and you’ve been so brave,” Dash adds, stroking his hand down my braid tenderly.

“I killed ten people. I’m a murderer. Even if they deserved it and even if Bluebell and the world at large is a better place without them, Ikilledthem. There are stains on my soul. And now I’ve involved the two of you.” Tears blur my vision as I cry against Dash’s chest, my back shaking against Sterling. “This was wrong. I shouldn’t have gone to your place last night after the guy in the ravine. I’m so sorry. If you want to pretend I never told you and you guys want to stop talking to me, I completely understand. I’ll never tell a soul that I told you both.”

Someone says something, but my cries are only gaining momentum and volume. I stand between the men I love, crying and shaking, snot and tears making a mess of whatever beauty lingered in my truth. They allow me to cry, though I know I have no right to tears after all that I’ve done, regardless of my reasons. They hold and soothe me, and when my face is sticky with drying tears and I’m able to breathe without my entire core shaking, we step apart.

Sterling smiles softly, his mannerisms a direct contrast to the sheer size of him. “We do have some things to figure out but everything is going to be okay,” he says, holding my gaze for what feels like forever, making sure I know he’s serious.

“That’s right. We’ve got some work ahead of us but… it’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay,” Dash says, not fidgeting with his hair but looking me dead in the eye before looking at Sterling. “The three of us, we got this.”

CHAPTER

FIFTEEN

WITH MY EYES CLOSED AND MY TOES CURLED.

Sterling

Dash advises that we move to the kitchen, and I don’t disagree. We think alike for a lot of things, and I can see his police officer wheels turning. Juni’s come clean. We’ve been shocked, we’ve heard things I never thought I’d hear from her, and now we’re on the other side.

The place where we take action in keeping her safe. Making sure no one connects her to any of the things she’s done.

Juniper stands in the kitchen, bags under her eyes, her nightie crumpled on the bottom from how many times she ran her hands over it. She’s relieved to have told us, I can see that in the calm set of her jaw and the relaxed slope of her shoulders. But she can’t sit still, so I know she’s still a little anxious about what’s to come.

Dash bobs his head, focusing on the grout as he speaks. “Bluebell PD tagged his truck yesterday morning. If we don’t find him and dispose of him, the PD will.” Suddenly he looks up, his eyes glossy. “It’s been a little over a day, we don’t have much more time. We gotta get down there as soon as we can.” He looks over at the green digital clock above the old oven. It’s nearing half past one in the morning. “As soon as we can,” he repeats.

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