Page 25 of Eternally Devoted

My throat is clear, but I clear it again, palming my mouth in thought. Dash socks me in the shoulder as I drive. “Say something.”

I meet his eyes again. The gray always morphs into shining silver in the fading sunlight. “I was thinking, you two… you make sense.”

It takes everything I have to keep eye contact with him as the words settle between us. I’ve never seen his face take on such a twisted expression. He looks angry, with a tight set jaw, his eyes narrowed. But when he speaks a moment later, he bears the same gentle tone as before. “Can I askyoua question?”

I want to say no, because I’m afraid of what the question might be. As much, I’m fearful of my answer. But this is the talk I set out to have with him a few nights back. It’s time. I dip my head. “Sure.”

With my eyes on the horizon, Juniper’s house comes into view. The porch lights are on, despite the fact it’s dusk. Her van is stashed away in the back, and I wonder if she got picked up by someone and plans to return home late. She doesn’t leave her porch lights on when it’s light. That’s not like her.

“Couldyou?” Dash’s two-word question pulls me from my internal inquisition. I face him again as I put my truck in park out front of the Ellington residence.

“Could I what?”

“See yourself in a relationship with Juniper?” he presses, unclipping the seat belt at his hip.

I shrug, every single moment I’ve ever felt self-conscious in my entire life coming back to me, oozing from my skin, leaving me uncomfortable, red and soon, sweaty. All the times I was told I was cute but too heavy, that I’d be a catch if I didn’t work at a garbage “factory” (that’s not even a real thing), or the countlesstimes I was told I’d be handsome…withoutthe extra weight. I haven’t dated a lot, but I’ve dated enough to have experienced every single one of my insecurities validated by a stranger. Reinforced, too. And for whatever reason, with such a simple question hanging between us and Dash’s handsome focus set on me, I’ve never been so uncomfortable before.

“Juniper doesn’t want a guy like?—”

Dash socks me in the center of my bicep again, same spot, only this time, harder. I don’t make a move to rub the spot, only let the dull pain radiate through me before it fades away. “Don’t tell me what she wants because you’re not her. Just answer my question. Can you see yourself in a relationship with Juniper?”

I don’t need to think about it. I don’t need to close my eyes and try to picture it. I do it daily. Nightly. Have done it for years. What I need to do is answer him, and sit in the cringe until it passes.

“Yes.”

Silence fills in the cab around us. My cheeks burn and I’m happy that the sun has now sloped off, leaving a persimmon sky glittering along the flat horizon of Bluebell. It’s beautiful, even amidst this discomfort. I glance over at Juniper’s house, taking in the small potted plants on the front porch and the hand-painted sign that reads “We’re already disturbed. PLEASE COME IN.” Next to the mat are two racks of empty jars, unlabeled, no doubt delivered to Juni for her jam. Without warning, a laugh erupts from me, short but hearty.

“What’s so funny?” Dash asks.

I unclip my seat belt and twist the key, killing the engine. “Just… saying that out loud. That I can see myself with Juni.” Pushing the door open, I drop one leg out and look at Dash, hoping my cheeks are no longer red. Damn fair skin. I can’t get embarrassed or cringed out without the world knowing.

“What?” Dash questions, a line carved between his eyes as he pushes his door open.

I blink at him. “Nothing—never mind.” I get out, leaving the keys in the killed ignition, and shut the door. Dash behind me, we leave the conversation there as we make our way up the porch, and I knock on the door.

No answer.

Dash pulls his phone out, checking the Find Friends app again. He checked twice on the way over, and both times, it showed Juniper here. At her house.

“I’ll call,” he says, hitting the phone icon next to her name. I catch sight of her profile photo in his phone—and it’s one where she’s sandwiched between us, all three of our faces pressed together in glee. I remember taking the selfie. I’m the biggest, my arm is the longest, therefore, I’m the photo guy. We were riding a slingshot ride at the Bluebell fair. That photo was moments before we were shot into the air, laughing and screaming.

He could have chosen a photo of just her, or the two of them. I try not to search for meaning in that fact.

“No answer,” he says after the phone rings loudly several times, Juniper’s automated voicemail system eventually picking up.

Before he locks his phone, I glance at the Find Friends app, noticing that Juniper’s blue orb is at the Ellington property, but not quite over the house. I reach over and tap his screen. “How accurate is it usually?”

Dash brings the phone closer to his face, using two fingers to zoom into the property. A moment later he looks at me. “Shit. You’re right. She’s here, but notinthe house.”

We take the porch steps two by two and round the side of the house, looking off into the darkening pasture. Dash holds hisphone up as a beacon of knowledge amidst the confusion and nightfall.

I point toward the horizon, near where the ravine drops off to the creek. “That way. I don’t think she’d get in the creek at this hour, the water’s gotta be cold as hell. But…” I glance at the blue dot, which seems to be somewhere past the creek. “Let’s start that way.”

Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I turn on my built-in flashlight, and kick up the brightness to max. With my focus on the ground, we trudge forward in silence, but it’s not uncomfortable. I think right now we’re both wondering what’s going on with our girl.

Our girl.I don’t know why I called her that. I mean, she’s our girl that is a friend. Our girlfriend.

Err.

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