Page 172 of The War and Deceit Series omnibus

“Speaker Hawthorn,” I blurt out, about to apologise for my poor greeting, but he waves it away with a gentle smile, his eyes taking in my exhausted form. “I’m sorry I ruined the meet.”

The speaker leans against the railing, gazing back across the platform at the remaining elves. Most of them have started to split off into their own groups, heading back to their homes or meandering over to the large table laden with food that I only just noticed. “Ha! Don’t apologise child.” He laughs, shaking his head. “Menishea acts through you. We’ve not seen that much of her power for decades, it was a beauty to behold,” he admits, turning to look at me. “I am sorry it’s taken so much out of you though.” I hear the hurt in his voice, and I know he means it. There’s something in his eyes, something that wasn’t there before the vision, and I want to know what it is.

Vaeril seems to sense this and shifts his weight before he cups my chin. “I’m going to give the two of you some space, Clarissa. I’ll be with Naril. I won’t be far,” he promises, placing a gentle kiss against my sweaty forehead. Watching him walk away, I notice Naril is over by the table of food. His plate is overflowing with the delicacies, but his eyes are on me. His teasing has been just as bad as usual, but I haven’t missed theconcerned glances he’s been giving me recently. I know he would deny it if I asked him, but he’s come to care for me. Not in a romantic way like Vaeril, but in the way I love Wilson—like family.

The silence between Speaker Hawthorn and me stretches, but it’s a comfortable silence, like one shared between two old friends enjoying each other’s company. Now that I know I’m not going to vomit anymore, I mimic his stance, leaning back against the railing and facing the platform. We watch the elves as they enjoy the evening. The canopy of leaves above us is thick, but there are a couple of gaps, and through them, I can see the large full moon shining down on us. In my culture, that would be taken as a sign of good fortune.

Sighing, I break the silence, knowing this conversation is inevitable. “You believe I’m that woman from the story.” I don’t look away from the elves, but I can feel his gaze on me.

“Yes, you are her. I feel it in my soul.”

His answer only corroborates what the Great Mother told me when she confirmed my goddess and the elves’ goddess were one and the same. A great weight of responsibility sits on my shoulders, but I know I can’t deny what the goddess asks of me. Even if I wanted to go against her, I can’t let all those innocent elves and humans suffer. I just wish she had told me more. What is this darkness? Does she mean the king, or does she mean something other than that? I’ve seen the evil he can bestow upon his people, but if there is something else, something more… Is there any way we could possibly stand against that?

Shaking my head, I try to push those thoughts away, knowing there’s nothing I can do about it right now. I glance over and meet his eyes. “And do you believe I’m the goddess reincarnated?” I keep my voice even. He already knows I don’t think this is possible, but I don’t want him to change his answer to try and please me.

He pauses at my question, his expression morphing into one of consideration, and I know I needn’t have been worried about him changing his answer. “I’m not sure,” he answers honestly, looking back over his people. “But Idoknow you are a sign that she will return to us. I already feel stronger, and the magic of the forest grows.” He turns and gazes out over the forest, gesturing with his hand at the trees that surround us. Looking into the forest, I see he’s right. It’s not that anything appears any different, it doesn’t, but there’s a change in the atmosphere, a different energy.

Suddenly, his breathing hitches, and I look over at him sharply, mistaking his gasp as a sign of something being wrong, but his wonder-filled eyes are wide as he stares into the darkness of the forest. That’s when I realise it’s not dark anymore, at least not part of it. Frowning, I follow his gaze, my eyebrows raising when I see what’s caught his attention. A bright light is shining through the trees, slowly moving towards us, and as it gets closer, I see it has the shape of an animal.

“Is that…” Squinting, I try to make out what it is. “Is that a wolf?” I ask with disbelief. I didn’t see any big animals, except for a few deer, as we travelled through the forest, and as the animal continues to come closer, I realise it’s huge. It’s easily the same size as my horse. That thing could cause a lot of damage if it were to attack, but Speaker Hawthorn doesn’t seem worried, in fact, he appears happier than I’ve ever seen him.

“That’s a forest spirit,” he whispers, as if he’s afraid his voice will scare it away. The fact that we’re up on a platform and far away from the spirit doesn’t seem to register with him. “They usually reside in the trees, but they occasionally take the form of an animal. They’re incredibly shy, and it’s rare to see them. We are honoured that it chose to show itself to us. I’ve not seen one in…” Trailing off, he glances at me, and seeing my overwhelmed expression, he tries to tone down his excitement. The spiritstops at the edge of the clearing, its muzzle raised so I know it’s looking up at us. “This is a sign—the magic is returning.”

I’m not sure why or where it comes from, but I feel the need to show my respect to it, so I slowly bow my head and drop into a shallow curtsy. As I rise, I feel the speaker’s approving gaze, but I don’t look away from the wolf spirit. There’s a pause, but slowly, as if mimicking me, it lowers its large head in a bow. Rising back to its full height, it turns and trots back into the forest, the glowing light fading as it disappears into the trees.

The presence of the spirit has awoken something within me. I feel alive, and despite the task the Mother has given me, I want to celebrate with my friends. However, I know this feeling isn’t going to last forever, in fact, it’s already fading and there’s more I need to know. “Why did the goddess vanish?” I ask. “I know you explained some of it in the story, but what do you think?”

The speaker ponders the question for some time, still staring out into the forest as if he might see the spirit once again. Finally, he turns looks over at me. “Some think that she died, but I know that’s not true.” He’s not talking about the wood elves right now, but the high elves who seem to have forsaken the gods and goddesses. “Others think she was so aggrieved by the slaughtering of elves and humans that she turned away from us.” He pauses, his eyes running over my face as if worried about how to tell me something. Fully turning towards him, I try not to frown, to be impatient and demand he speak whatever’s on his mind.

“Your grandfather was a firm believer of that. He thought we should be making peace with the humans.” He sighs, shaking his head, and a deep sadness emits from him which makes me think he knew my grandfather well. I already knew this information, so it’s not a surprise to me, but I am shocked at how much I’m still saddened by hearing it. “Unfortunately, not everyone agreed with him.” His expression hardens. “The queen leaves us bebecause our belief in the goddess doesn’t interfere with her, but as soon as Jaonos started urging us to forgive the humans…” He trails off, and I know he’s thinking of how the queen banished him from Galandell. From Master Ardeth, I learned that Jaonos came back here for a few years before leaving.

Slowly, I nod my head, acknowledging his words. “And what do you believe?” I query, noticing how he very carefully hasn’t told me his opinion regarding my question.

Sighing, he looks at me with a considerate expression, as if trying to decide whether to trust me with his thoughts. Not saying anything, I simply keep my expression open as he watches me. Eventually, he nods his agreement. “I think something is stopping her and keeping her away from us.”

I remember the vision and how his words echo what the goddess told me. A shudder racks my body at the thought of having to relive the images the Great Mother sent me, but the speaker and my friends need to know what’s coming.

The speaker, oblivious to my internal turmoil, continues with his thoughts. “The mages still have their powers, correct?” he asks, ignoring my raised eyebrows as I try to digest the change of subject. “If she had left completely, they wouldn’t have their powers,” he reasons, and I realise what he means. “She also blessed you in Arhaven, so her influence must still be there. There has to be something stopping her from reaching us here.” He’s looking into the forest again, but I can tell he’s not really seeing it, instead, lost in his thoughts.

“You’re right,” I confirm, watching his eyes widen in surprise. Holding up my hand, I try to stop the barrage of questions I know he must have. “I need to tell you about my vision, but I don’t want to tell the story more than once.”

His expression changes to one of understanding, he’s obviously remembering my reaction post-vision, and he nodsin agreement. “That’s not a problem. I will gather the other speakers together, and you and your companions can join us.”

Following the direction he’s looking in, I notice that he’s searching for the other speakers, most of whom are still sitting in their thrones, chatting with each other or other elves who have gathered near them. I automatically look for Vaeril, and I find him and Naril still standing by the food, the latter of whom is chatting to his friend. It’s obvious Vaeril isn’t paying attention to him, though, since his eyes are still locked on me.

“Thank you,” I reply, but as he starts to walk away, I reach out and touch him on the shoulder. “Speaker Hawthorn…” I trail off as he stops and turns to face me. It’s clear he wants to join his fellow speakers and find out about the vision, but he pushes that aside.

“Yes, child?”

I should just let him go, say that it doesn’t matter, but this question has been with me since I was first blessed by the Mother. At night, it eats away at my confidence and keeps me awake, and I can’t stay quiet anymore. “Why did she choose me?” My voice breaks as I speak, and I hate it, but I can’t hide how this doubt has affected me.

The speaker’s expression softens. “You’re pure of heart, you want to help others, and you are not influenced by greed,” he answers easily, like he didn’t even need to think about it, and I wish I could feel as confident as him. Except he doesn’t know the truth, he doesn’t know who I really am.

Taking a deep breath, I avert my gaze, not wanting to see his disappointment when he hears my story. “Back in Arhaven, I was a slave.” His body stiffens next to me, but I continue, unable to stop now that I’ve started. “I have no memories before I was eight, and I was a slave until my twentieth birthday when I was blessed by the Mother and a mage saved me.” The story keeps coming, along with all my insecurities. “I am not good. I’ve lied,I’ve stolen, and when I had the opportunity, instead of staying and helping innocent people escape, I broke Vaeril free—the enemy of my people. I left my friends behind and ran.” The guilt of leaving Jacob, Wilson, Jayne, Aileen, and all the innocents in the castle is what really keeps me up at night.

Silence stretches between us, and I brace myself for his disgust, but instead he reaches out and, with a gentle hand, lifts my chin until I meet his gaze. “You’ve had a tough life, one I would never wish on anyone, especially that of my old friend’s granddaughter.” His voice is soft, but his grip tightens on my chin, not enough to hurt, but enough so I can’t easily look away. “But you are a survivor, one who pushed past her hate to rescue her enemy. You saw that he was innocent and you did something about it, even though it went against what your people believed,” he urges, his tone firm. “That is brave, and there’s no shame in rescuing yourself,” he continues, his eyes sparkling with an emotion I don’t understand. “I am proud of you, and I know for a fact that Jaonos would be too.”

His words break me apart, like he’s taken a stake and jammed it into my heart, tearing away the disbelief, self-hatred, fear, and years of believing I’m worthless, exposing the raw emotions beneath.

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