Page 155 of The War and Deceit Series omnibus

“The Great Mother is one of your goddesses too?” Automatically, I reach across to touch my goddess mark. A soft caress of her power makes its way through me, but I miss the full strength of her influence.

“Yes,” Master Ardeth responds, smiling at my revered expression. “However, she was one of the lesser goddesses. I haven’t felt her influence for over one hundred years.” He frowns, as if not being able to solve this puzzle has beenbothering him for some time. His earlier statement still troubles me, and I can’t get my head around what he’s saying.

“What did you mean when you said they disappeared?” I query with a frown.

“At first, we didn’t notice that their influence was going, until one day, one by one, they disappeared,” Naril answers, pulling my attention back to him. He’s put the dagger away now, and although he’s pretending otherwise, I know he’s just as upset by the disappearance as the master. “We don’t know why.”

Ardeth shifts in his chair and lets out a long sigh. “There are some who theorised that we outgrew them, we didn’t need them anymore, so they have forsaken us.” He looks uncomfortable at the idea, but it just makes me frown all the more.

“She warned me that her influence was weak here, that she wouldn’t be able to speak to me as much, but she said she would always be with me. The Great Mother is still…around,” I tell him, struggling to put into words the feeling that she fills me with, the presence that I know is watching over us. “She guided me here.Sheis the reason I’m still alive. She gave me this,” I insist, raising my wrist to show him my goddess mark. His eyes widen, but he doesn’t seem surprised, just exuberant to see it. The mark glows, but it’s dim, so dim it almost can’t be seen. Hesitantly, and with a quick glance at me for permission, he reaches out and examines the mark, brushing his finger over it briefly. A gentle flare of light pulses from it, and I’m filled with a sense of happiness that’s not my own. It’s a pure, joyful feeling that has come from the Mother herself. Master Ardeth seems to sense it too, his eyes widening.

“You are so much more important than you realise, Clarissa. She has great plans for you,” Master Ardeth murmurs, his gaze lifting from my mark to meet my eyes, and I see wonderment shining there. He looks younger like this, and I can tell he was once very handsome.

I start to become uncomfortable as I sense more attention on me. Naril and some of the other scholars who have wandered into the study area are watching us with interest. Gently pulling my wrist from his hand, I give the master an awkward smile and shuffle backwards in my chair. I comb my fingers through my hair for something to do with my hands, but I catch the conflicted expression on Naril’s face before he quickly smooths it away.

What was that about?I ask myself, trying not to let my confusion show. The silence stretches between the three of us, and I know I need to get the conversation moving again. “Anyway, you were telling me about Jaonos.”

Thankfully, this seems to shake Master Ardeth out of whatever blissful trance he appeared to be in, and he blinks a couple of times. He glances between Naril and me, and a gentle frown pulls at his brows as if he’s trying to remember why we were there before clarity crosses his face. “Yes, of course.” Leaning back in his chair, he composes himself for a couple of seconds. “Your grandfather was a representative of the wood elves. He would often stay in Galandell for long periods of time, advising the queen on the ways of the wood elves and the will of Menishea.He believed the goddess wasn’t leaving on purpose, but that she was being forced away, her influence slipping.” Shock runs through me. His comment runs parallel with what the Great Mother told me about being weak here. Had my grandfather been on to something? Noticing my expression, Master Ardeth nods sagely. “He was a gentle soul and always believed in peace. The queen and the other lords ridiculed him behind his back, as they do with many of the wood elves, but he was harmless, so they let him be. That was, until he suddenly changed.” His tone alters now, lowering as his head drops.

For some reason, whatever he’s trying to tell me feels really important, and urgency fills me. “What do you mean he changed?”

“He started saying the goddess had spoken to him, that there was little difference between us and the humans. That the war between us was pointless.”

“As you can imagine, this got him into trouble,” Naril adds, and I glance over at him in surprise. I hadn’t realised he’d known my grandfather, but while fifty years is a whole lifetime for me, it’s barely a blink in time for the elves. “The queen banished him from Galandell and called him an old fool. That was the last time I saw him,” Naril continues, his usual smirking expression somber.

Master Ardeth nods slowly, making a noise of displeasure. “I visited him a couple of times in the forest after that. He was devastated. He loved his role as a representative, even though it took him away from his beloved forest.”

As the master speaks, I imagine it all in my mind and find that I’m sad I never got the chance to meet the wood elf who tried to change the war. What would he have thought of me?

“The last time I saw him, he was a different person. He thought the goddess had given him orders to leave us and try to unite the human and elves,” Master Ardeth says carefully, as if trying to not offend me. It’s obvious he believed that Jaonos was wrong, or at least, he did until he met me. “I never saw him again after that.” His grief is obvious now, and my heart clenches painfully. Jaonos was loved here, yet he chose to leave them all behind and venture out into the realm of his enemies to find peace.

Can you not see the similarities, my beloved?the Great Mother whispers in my mind. Surprise rocks through me as I hear her, but she sounds and feels weak, like she’s sacrificing much to tell me this. This is the first time I’ve actually heard herhere, and while I’m excited, I’m worried by how difficult it seems to be for her. The idea that Jaonos and I have faced similar journeys makes me scoff. He went out of love for his goddess and people, trying to put an end to the war that has been raging for as long as anyone can remember. I left my people out of fear and necessity, running straight to my enemy. I expect a rebuff from the Mother, but her presence fades almost completely, drained by whatever is keeping her from this place.

Taking a deep breath, I try to shake off the uneasy feeling that has settled over me. “You did hear from him again though?” I prompt, and Master Ardeth nods in agreement.

“I received a message from him once, as I told you before. In it, he stated that he fell in love with a human and had a son, a half-breed. Your father.”

There’s something bugging me about the story that I can’t quite put my finger on. If he fell in love with a human and had a son, that means he had to have a life, a home somewhere. Just because the elves never saw him again doesn’t mean he’s dead, they just assumed that because he was going to the human lands that he would be killed. “He could still be alive,” I suggest rationally, internally wincing at how eager and hopeful my voice is. The idea that I could find him and learn more about my past has been planted like a seed, and no matter how much I try to stop it, it keeps growing inside me until I can’t hide it.

Sympathy lines the master’s face. Leaning forward, he places his hand gently on top of mine. “If he is still alive, he doesn’t want to be found.” The words hit me like a physical blow, and I frantically nod my agreement to hide my disappointment.

“Of course. I just…” Trailing off, I look down at my hands, one of which is still being held by the older elf. Pulling away, I cradle my hands in my lap. How do I explain it to them? I know it was stupid to hope. After all, if any of my family members were alive, they would’ve tried to save me from slavery, right?

“I know.” The master’s voice is soft, and when I glance up at him, his eyes glisten as he stares at the table. “He was my friend. I miss him.” My chest tightens with emotion I don’t know how to express. Feeling my gaze, he looks up and blinks a couple of times to compose himself. “He would have loved you so very much.”

It’s my turn to blink rapidly, my eyes stinging with tears I won’t let fall as a mixture of happiness and grief floods my system. Is it possible to miss someone you never knew? I don’t know, but I feel strangely uplifted—I had a family, someone who would have missed me. There’s still a big gap in my history. I know who my grandfather was and how my father came to be, but I still have no information about him or my mother. How did I end up as a slave in Arhaven at age eight with no prior memories?

Taking a deep breath, I give the master a wobbly smile. “Can you tell me more about him?”

I spend the rest of the afternoon with Master Ardeth and Naril telling me stories of my grandfather. It was simple, but full of laughter and fond memories.

For the next couple of days, I fall into a routine. Each morning, I wake and have breakfast with Naril and Eldrin, after which the latter takes me down to the same courtyard from before where he continues to train me. Thankfully, I’ve not had any more panic attacks since the first time. Eldrin seems to have taken everything I said into consideration, and in that time the two of us are together, he’s like a different person. Understanding each other’s past pain and struggles has made a huge difference in how he treats me, at least while we’re training. In all other situations, he’s surly and rude, but he seems to be softening towards me, even Vaeril and Naril have noticed and started to make comments. Of course, that only made him mad, and he stormed off once again. No one’s mentioned the freak out Vaeril and Eldrin had the other day in my room, and I’m too worried about upsetting anyone to ask about it.

My afternoons have consisted of wandering around the castle with Naril as an escort. Occasionally Eldrin will join us, but recently, he’s been called out to the border of Galandellmost afternoons, and when he returns, he looks exhausted and withdrawn. Naril’s always on edge on those days, snappy and more distant than usual, so I’ve taken to visiting the library to spend time with Master Ardeth. Even when he’s busy, it’s pleasant just to spend time in his company, enjoying the quiet atmosphere of the library.

I’ve hardly seen Tor and Vaeril at all over the last couple of days, and I’m sure it’s a consequence of the other day. Dreams have been plaguing me recently, different from the nightmares I’m used to. In these, I’m reliving the day Tor arrived. Vaeril and I are talking, then we’re kissing with our hands running over the other’s bodies, our breathing hot and heavy. All of a sudden, there’s a knock on the door, and it’s Tor I’m kissing as I run my hand through the long hair on the top of his head, his large, muscled body holding me tightly against his chest. He bites down on my lip, and I groan in pleasure. The next thing I know, Grayson is holding me, his intense eyes gazing at me as he enfolds his arms around my body and lifts me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist. Our lips meet in a passionate kiss when I’m suddenly back with my feet on the floor, and it’s Eldrin standing on the other side of the room, holding his hand out to me. He calls my name, and there’s such pain and longing in his voice that I automatically take a step forward, wanting to ease his hurt in any way I can. I just place my hand in his when I startle awake in a sweaty, panting mess. I’m sure my subconscious is trying to tell me something, I just wish I knew what it was.

“You’re quiet today,” Eldrin observes as we trudge back towards the storage boxes that line the wall, the pads and gloves slung over our shoulders. He’s walking just ahead of me. My eyes are locked on the muscles flexing in his back—he removed his shirt during training, the temperature much warmer in Galandell than Arhaven in the north of Morrowmer.When we reach the storage units, he throws the pads into them, and I watch his biceps bulge. Glancing over at me, he raises an eyebrow, obviously catching me staring, and I realise he’s waiting for a response.

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