Pulling clothing and weapons from the bag, I find a package wrapped in brown paper. Inside is half a loaf of bread, which explains where our small breakfast in the cave this morning came from. I hadn’t questioned it, but now I wonder where he got it from. Seeing the food makes my stomach grumble, and I know we are going to have to eat soon. We drank water from a flask this morning, but as I dig around the pack, I worry it got lost when I dragged him over here. I glance back in the direction we came from, and I try to see if it’s lying on the ground, but I know I’m going to have to go back to find it. We won’t survive without water.
“You moved me,” he mumbles, his eyes on me as I gaze around the forest before returning my attention to the pack.
“Yes, I was worried we were too visible,” I reply, pulling a swath of fabric from the bag, a simple forest green dress. Raising the fabric to my mouth, I use my teeth to rip the bottom on the skirt, then I tear it into strips.
“Good, that’s what I would have done,” he murmurs, before trying to push himself into a more upright position against the tree. He winces and lets out a hiss of pain. He looks brighter now, and the light is back in his eyes as he takes in the forest around us.
“I messed up your hair, sorry.” It’s stupid, and I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much, but for some reason I feel like I should apologise for it.
Barking out a laugh before wincing again and clutching his stomach, he just stares at me, a serious expression replacing his half smile. “You saved my life.”
“All I did was drag you through the dirt and lose the flask of water,” I mutter with frustration, not able to look him in the eyes as I start stuffing everything back in the pack.
“Alina, look at me.” He uses that name again, and I feel compelled to glance up. I think, even if I had not wanted to, I would find it difficult to resist him. “Alina, I—”
“I’m going to check back there for the flask,” I blurt out, cutting him off as I jump to my feet. “I won’t be long.” I talk over him as he opens his mouth to speak again and march back the way we came.
I know it’s stupid and dangerous to go walking around in the woods by myself, but I didn’t want to hear what he was going to say. Every time he calls me Alina—his salvation—it fills me with guilt. He doesn’t know who I really am. Sure, he knows I was a slave, but he doesn’t know the things I did to survive, and every time he says something like that, it just reminds me of my past. When you are told your whole life that you are nothing, just a waste of a breath, then you start to believe it. Grayson started to change that, but it doesn’t disappear overnight, and now I’ve betrayed them and they will know what I truly am—a traitor.
“Daughter, my beloved.”
I stumble as the Mother’s voice surrounds me, filling me with her warmth and love.“They will forgive you. You think so little of yourself. Why do you think you, of all the slaves, survived? I forgive you. You did what you needed to.”As she speaks, as she forgives me, a gasping cry escapes me as tears roll down my face. I hadn’t realised how much guilt I was carrying around until she forgave me. A huge weight is lifted from my chest and I laugh as I raise my hand up to my face, brushing away the tears rolling down my cheeks.
“Do you think I would have chosen you if I thought you were evil or unsavable?”Her unending love encompasses me once again.“The path ahead of you isn’t going to be easy, and where you are going, I won’t be able to help you, but know I am with you always.”
Frowning at her comment, fear twists inside me and I straighten, looking around as if I could see her, find her. “What? Why won’t you be able to help me?”
“Be strong, my beloved,” she whispers in my mind, and I feel her presence fade. Something is going on here, beyond the king and the war between the humans and the elves, but I get the feeling I’m about to get caught up in it.
“Clarissa!” Vaeril’s shout has me spinning around, the urgency and pain in his voice making me run back to where I left him. Except, everything looks the same and I can’t remember which way I came. I was so deep in my thoughts when I left in search of the flask that I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. Choosing a direction at random, I jog through the trees, cursing after a minute of two when I still don’t recognise anything.
“Think, Clarissa, think,” I mutter, when I feel an almighty yank in my chest.
“Clarissa!” His voice sounds further away this time, and I know I’m going the wrong way, but I have a plan.
Closing my eyes, I focus on the place where his pull dwells within me, and gently reach out, stroking the connection between us. It practically hums under my touch, and if I pay attention, I can feel the pull directing me back to him.
Why didn’t you think of this earlier?
Opening my eyes, I start a slow jog, following the pull. I spot something on the ground and realise with triumph it’s the flask. Running over, I pick it up, examining it to check for leaks, but thankfully it looks intact, the water inside still safely contained. Taking a moment to focus on the pull, I follow it back to the tree where I left Vaeril—except he isn’t there.
Frowning, I look around to make sure this is where I left him, and I spot the pack and strips of fabric and trampled grass where we had been sitting. My mind stills when I see blood on one of the tree roots.
Stay calm, his wound probably just leaked and he’s gone to use the bathroom behind a tree or something,I rationalise, but as I scan the small clearing, I see no sign of him. He must be somewhere close since the bond brought me here. Closing my eyes, I focus again. The link between us is strong, he’s close by, I can feel him.
“Vaeril?” I try to keep my tone calm, but I’m unsuccessful, and I wince at the high note of worry in it.
“Clarissa?” His voice is much closer this time, and following the answering tug, I jog through the forest in the opposite direction I had originally taken. Rounding another trunk, I see him leaning against a tree, his face pale and sweaty, his breathing coming in large, heaving gasps.
“Why are you up? You crazy elf, are you trying to kill yourself?” I shout as I run to his side, but I lose my bravado as soon as I reach him and see his shaking hands. Worry sets in now. He seems so much worse than when I left him, and that can’t have been more than thirty minutes ago. “Are you okay?”
“I heard your gasp, I was trying to find you.” He looks up at me and I feel something within me twist with guilt. He was trying to find me. His eyes narrow as he examines my face. “You’ve been crying, are you okay?”
I’ve cried more in the last couple of days than I ever have in my life. Caring for people is making me soft.
That’s not true. You’ve never had a reason to cry before because you weren’t living, you didn’t have a reason to, my inner voice whispers, and I realise it’s right, although it doesn’t stop me from hurting. Caring for people is painful. However, the benefits are so much greater than the pain. I don’t know where these great words of wisdom are coming from, I’m still new to all this, so how could I know that?
Vaeril grunts in agony and I drag my thoughts back to the present, sliding an arm around his back and putting his arm over my shoulder. “Let’s get you back to the clearing, I found the flask.”