Page 185 of The War and Deceit Series omnibus

“I left to find you,” he agrees.

A small thrill goes through me, and I try to push it aside. “When are you leaving? Stay with us tonight?” I query quickly, hoping he’ll agree, looking for any excuse to spend some more time with him before he leaves. “It’s a long journey back, and you need to rest.”

“I suppose one night won’t hurt.”

After Naril and Tor tracked down the horses, we set up camp in the small clearing Grayson had found us in. There had only been an hour or so left of useful sunlight in the forest, since the canopy is so dense that it gets dark much quicker here. Tor was frustrated that we hadn’t made it to the mountains yet, but there hadn’t been any point in travelling much farther, as the forest becomes more dangerous to travel in at night.

An awkward dinner around the campfire had seen us eating mostly in silence, while Grayson and the two elves glared at each other over their food. We’ve now been sitting here for an hour making small talk, and I’m feeling jumpy. Although I miss the company of the rude, grumpy Eldrin, it’s probably a good thing he’s not here to see the mage sharing supper with us. I don’t think he would have been able to cope with it. I wince, just as I do every time Eldrin has come to mind since Tor told us about the attack on the elves. We have no way of knowing if he is safe, and it’s driving me mad.

Grayson shifts in his seat by the fire and pushes up to his feet. “Well, I’m going to retire for the night. Thank you for supper.” He addresses the last bit to Tor, who nods his head in acceptance. Grayson turns his gaze on me, his intense eyes locking onto mine. “Clarissa, I’ll see you in the morning before I go.” I can tell he wants to say more, but he won’t say it in front of the others. So instead, he falls back on his manners and stiffly nods at the others, even though I know being polite to elves has got to feel awkward for him. “Goodnight.”

Only Tor and I respond as he walks over to the tents. We only have four tents, originally one for each of us, but after some cajoling by Tor, Naril and Vaeril offered to share one, meaningGrayson was able to have a tent to himself. The others instantly relax once he’s left, which makes me sad, but I don’t comment on it. With the fire starting to die down, I feel my eyes getting heavy, but I have some things I want to do before I sleep, so I push up from my position on the ground and stand.

“I’m just going to speak to him for a bit,” I tell the males who are all suddenly paying me a little too much attention. “Don’t wait up for me, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Clarissa—” Vaeril starts, a deep frown marring his brow, but Tor cuts him off.

“Vaeril, let her go.”

Throwing the tribesman a grateful smile, I walk over to Grayson’s tent and gently knock against the tent post, hoping he’s not already asleep. “Grayson?” I push past the fabric entrance, my eyes flaring wide as I smack into his chest. His very tanned, bare chest. “Oh! I’m sorry, I should’ve waited outside…” My words trail off as I scramble back, my gaze getting caught on his body. I’ve never seen Grayson without a shirt on before. He always wore jackets or robes before, nothing that ever showed off his physique, and I’m suddenly reminded that the magicians are the humans’ soldiers. They have to be able to fight as well as wield magic. His body is toned, and while not as muscular as Tor’s or Eldrin’s, he could easily put most men to shame. His chest is mostly hairless, except for a small smattering across his pecs and a trail of dark hair from his belly button down, which disappears into a pair of loose bottoms.

“No, it’s fine, come in,” he says, as he guides me in with a hand on my shoulder. “Is everything okay?” he asks after a second, frowning slightly at my dumbstruck expression.

Pull yourself together, Clarissa,I chide myself.You’ve seen plenty of bare chests before.I brush a strand of hair behind my ear, needing something to do with my hands so I don’t do what my mind is begging me to do. “Yes, I’m fine,” I assure him,looking around the tent so I’m not just gaping at his bare chest, but since there isn’t much space, I end up looking at his bed. Flushing red, I quickly pull my gaze away as my cheeks heat and images of what we could be doing on that bed flash through my mind.What is wrong with me tonight?“I just needed to speak to you before you left.”

As if he knows what I’m thinking, a small smile plays on his lips. Crossing his arms over his chest, he nods as he waits for me to speak. “Okay, I’m listening.”

Suddenly feeling awkward, I realise I have nothing to say. Why is this so difficult now? Earlier, it felt like I needed him to breathe, and now I feel like a teenager trying to profess her love. Not like that’s what I’m trying to do… My stomach rolls. Taking a deep breath, I look over at Grayson, and his face softens, feeling my internal struggle.This is Grayson, things have never been difficult with him. Just talk to him, and if you can’t talk to him, show him.I’m not sure where the advice comes from, but it’s right. Taking a step forward, I close the distance between us. “Well, you seemed like you had something you wanted to say out there.”

He’s watching me closely, and slowly, he nods. “You’re right, I did.” My heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest, but I don’t say anything, I don’t even move, not wanting to stop him. “None of this went as planned, Clarissa.” He chuckles, but it’s rueful, and I know he’s thinking about our encounter in the clearing. I was supposed to go back with him, he was going to rescue me, the damsel, but instead, I rescued myself.

He cups my cheeks again, just how he had earlier in the clearing. “I love you. That’s what I wanted to say.”

I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach, but at the same time, my heart feels like it wants to explode with happiness. It’s an odd combination, and one I’m not sure how to deal with. Feelings are one thing, bonding is another, but from what I’vebeen told, you don’t have to love the person you’re bonded too. Love is another type of bond altogether, and one that is much more dangerous. I suppose if I’m completely honest with myself, I knew this was coming, Ifeltit, but the fact that he feels it towards me is what I find difficult to believe.

“When I heard what happened, I knew the king was behind it. I wanted to kill him then and there. I was so close. It was Wilson who talked me out of it,” Grayson confesses, and it takes me a few moments to realise that he’s talking about my escape from Arhaven. “When I learned the elf had taken you—” I give him a look and he quickly stops. “That you had left with the elf, it felt like part of my heart had been crushed, like I couldn’t breathe properly. I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t, and I’m so sorry I couldn’t come sooner. If I never left in the first place, this might not have happened.” My heart aches for him. He feels guilty about leaving, thinking he could have stopped the king from slaughtering all those women, but that’s the kind of man Grayson is.

Pausing, Grayson takes a deep breath. “Anyway, as soon as I got the opportunity, I started to track you down. There is something awful happening to the land, Clarissa.” His eyes are haunted, and I know I’ll have to update him at some point before he leaves. He must have seen some of the darkness the Mother warned me about. “But I found you. I promised myself that the first thing I would say when I found you was that I love you. Guess I messed that up.” He laughs again, but it holds no humour as he shakes his head.

I know what I need to do. I’m afraid, but I can’t keep living my life by avoiding situations that scare me. “You know what loving me entails?” My body is shaking and I feel nauseous, but as I look at him, I know I’m doing the right thing.

Either way, the answer terrifies me, but he needs to know that this is no fairy tale and there is no happily ever after in myfuture. Vaeril and Tor have made the choice to stay with me, and they know the risks and consequences of that, probably even better than I do. It’s only fair to Grayson that he’s given that same opportunity.

“I have no certainties to offer you other than my love in return,” I murmur, watching his eyes sparkle with emotion. He opens his mouth as if to speak, but I hold up my hand. “There’s a war coming, and I don’t know how we are going to survive it. What I do know is that you areallimportant and will all play a role in helping me complete the task the Great Mother has set for me.” I emphasise how all of them have a place beside me. Pausing, I push back a stray lock of hair again, suddenly feeling anxious about how he’s going to react. “Is that something you can accept?”

He makes a low noise in the back of his throat that sounds like a laugh as I meet his gaze. “I’m not thrilled about the elf,” he tries to joke, smiling at me, but I can hear the tightness in his voice. Realising his jest has fallen flat, he blows out a long breath and takes a step closer, clutching my hand in his. “However, I trust you, and I trust the Great Mother.”

Something flares within me at his words, like a huge weight has been lifted from me, and a smile spreads across my face as I look up at him. “I love you.” The words are whispered, but you would have thought I shouted them from the astonished look on Grayson’s face. It quickly changes to one of joy, and I wish I’d told him sooner. The stress and pain that was etched onto his face falls away, making him look years younger. Surging forward, he scoops me up into his arms, gazing down at me like I’m the most precious thing in the world and he’s lucky enough to be in my presence. It’s amazing how those three little words have the power to make such a difference.

“I love you,” he whispers reverently, before leaning down to kiss me, but I meet him halfway. Our lips connect in a passionate dance as our bodies take over, saying everything words cannot.

I place my hands on his chest, and I feel him shudder under my touch, his skin almost feverish as I skim my fingers over his abs. Grayson rests his hands on my waist, groaning into my mouth, and I gently run my nails down his torso, flicking over his nipples as I trail down to the waistband of his trousers. “Clarissa—” He groans into my mouth again, and I can’t stop my grin as I bite down lightly on his lower lip. “Fuck,” he curses, his hands tightening on my waist, and I can feel the evidence of his arousal pressing against my hip. “I don’t want our first time, when we form our connection, to be in a tent,” he starts through gritted teeth, like he’s trying to convince himself, and I have to fight back a frustrated groan. “It should be special—”

“Grayson.” My hands still on the edge of his waistband, and I wait for him to look at me. “You’re leaving in the morning, and I don’t know if I’ll see you again,” I murmur, watching as the arousal clears from his eyes as he frowns at my comment.

“Don’t say that. We will see each other again,” he growls, anger filling his voice. Gripping my arms, he gives me a slight shake, but I can see the fear in his gaze—he’s had the same thought.

“Then you can romance me then,” I tease, smiling. Shaking his hands from my arms, I cup his face in my palms. “Please, Grayson, don’t waste this opportunity.” We both know he only found us today because the Mother willed it. He crossed the entire continent to find me, that should have been impossible. There are so many odds stacked against us, so many enemies that are out for my blood, we can’t afford to waste any time.

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