Page 61 of Shameless

He’s sweet to say that, but I know he’s just trying to make me feel better. “Come on Stef, admit it. You got sent to military school because of me. Jasmine has been keeping Jenna from Jules because of me. And Crew has been getting me out of trouble from the moment he and I met. I love you guys even more for not making me feel bad about it, but I know that without me, your lives would be easier.”

Stefan disagrees. “I’ve never heard so much bullshit all at once, Lula.”

The fact that he just called meLulaand not Jumps isn’t lost on me.

“All the shit you just mentioned is due to outside factors. You never did anything to deserve the worst mother in the world and her new husband and son. If Tiffany hadn’t taken you to New York and if she hadn’t married Howard, things would have been different. Jules was a dumbass to hook up with Jasmine to begin with and I’m fucking glad Crew has been in your corner when I was too stupid to look beyond my wounded pride to be there for you. I was so busy feeling sorry for myself to see that you never betrayed me.”

The hilarity of a few moments ago seeps out of me as I see the guilt in Stefan’s eyes.

“Stef,” I take his big, slightly rough hand into mine. “I thought we had clarified that I don’t blame you for being mad at me. You came for me when I asked for your help. You risked everything to help me. I can’t even imagine how you must have felt when you thought I couldn’t even be bothered to come to the door to tell you that I had just used you to make Evan jealous or to get attention or whatever bullshit Tiffany made up. I don’t blame you at all. Especially when you tried to contact me and you thought I blocked you.”

He nods. “See? You just said it yourself. Tiffany made it all up. So please, Jumps, stop blaming yourself.”

“Ok.” I say softly, slightly lost in Stefan’s green gaze. “But I don’t get why you won’t let me help you.”

Stefan sighs. “Because I don’t trust Morelli not to go back on his promise to leave you alone. If you call in that favor, who’s to say that he won’t try to suck you back intoowinghim something. Please, Jumps, promise me to stay away from Mason.”

I can see where he’s coming from but I think he’s wrong about Mason. I know he lashed out when he thought I betrayed him, but he admitted he was wrong.

“Lula,” Stefan insists. “Promise me you won’t ask him that favor on our behalf.”

“I promise,” I relent, but I keep my free hand behind my back, crossing my fingers.

I have no intention of breaking my promise, but I need some leeway, just in case.

If life has taught me anything so far, it’s that help can come from the oddest places. I just hope for some smooth sailing in the future and I’m counting the days until Evan and Tiffany will go back to the East Coast to join Howard’s campaign. Only then I’ll be able to relax, with an entire country between me and my abuser.

“Thank you, Jumps.” Stefan murmurs. “Fuck, the grilled cheese got cold. Let me go back to the kitchen to make you a new one.”

He tries to push back onto his feet, but I don’t let go of his hand. “Don’t go, Stef.” I plead. “We can eat later, but it’s been ages since you and I have been up here alone.”

He wraps his arm around me, pulling me into his side. “You’re right. Let’s watch the sunset and then I’ll bring up more food.”

I don’t say anything, I just tuck myself closer to him, basking in the warmth that radiates from Stefan’s solid body.

We watch in silence as the sun dips into the sea, coloring the water with the prettiest pastel colors.

God knows my life isn’t perfect, but I realize that I’m happy.

I’m with Stefan and we love each other. Crew and Jules love me too.

There are still things that could tear us apart down the road but I think happiness is a transitory condition.

Happiness is made of small moments of perfect bliss and living a happy life means grabbing those rare moments with both hands when they come our way.

As long as we can forget our worries long enough to savor the good and the extraordinary moments that can surprise us even when dark clouds are looming on the horizon.

“Stef,” I murmur, turning to face him. “I love you.”

His smile warms me from the inside out. “I love you too, Jumps.”

Our kiss starts shallow, all soft lips and playful coaxing.

But the moment our tongues touch, we catch fire. It’s a wild, desperate chase as if we couldn’t get close enough.

Hands tear clothes off and the contact of Stefan’s smooth skin burns me in the best way possible.

“Jumps,” he moans, as his lips glide down the column of my neck and his tall, muscular body covers mine.

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