Page 37 of Shameless

Of course there’s no reason to explain all that to a stranger, so I thank her for the condolences and end the phone call with the secretary’s promise of a follow up email with all the details I need to find my late father’s lawyer.

Lula

I wake up at the crack of dawn to sunlight filtering into my room from a gap in the curtains.

I roll onto my stomach and realize that Crew really left last night, to avoid being caught when Dad and Arianna came home from helping Jules move his stuff out of the manager’s cottage at the club.

I’m deliciously sore in all the right places and my core throbs at the memory of the way Crew was with me last night. He was dominant and possessive but considerate and sweet at the same time.

I wish I could stay in bed to remember all the ways Crew showed me how much he loves me and wanted me last night, but I know I can’t.

Lust is replaced by dread when I remember the text message I received from Mason last night.

While I miss Crew, and sleeping in his arms would have been awesome, I’m glad he isn’t here to ask where I’m going so early.

I don’t dress with my usual choice of denim shorts or a summer dress; instead I opt for a pair of leggings, a tank top and a windbreaker. I put on sneakers just in case I have to run.

My last accessory is a switchblade knife that was my only means of defense whenever I was sent home to Howard’s Upper East Side apartment during school breaks.

I used to sleep with it under my pillow after Evan’s first assault and I think it would be wise to start sleeping with it again.

The house is as dark and quiet as it was last night. I’m relieved that no one is up this early. Hopefully I’ll manage to sneak back in before they wake up. My only explanation for being up so early is that I’m going for a run.

Dad and Arianna might not question it, as I haven’t lived with them in a while but I know Stefan will never believe I started running in the mornings.

It would be easier to sell swimming to him, because he knows how much I hate running. However there’s no way I’m going to meet Mason in just a bathing suit.

You should have told the guys about this. Going to meet Mason alone is stupid.

I ignore the voice in my head. The guys would go on the offensive and Mason has already threatened to punish me by hurting them. I can’t risk them getting hurt because of the ghosts of my past.

The very real possibility that I could be the one who’s going to get hurt crossed my mind more than once, but I would die before I let anything happen to the men I love. Especially because I was the one stupid enough to get involved with Mason when I had heard the rumors about his family being part of the mafia.

The sun is rising, coloring the sky with pretty pastels and making the sea shimmer invitingly.

The golden sand of the private beach outside Arianna’s house is still cool from the night. If I was here for an innocent walk on the beach, I would take my shoes off and feel the cool sand between my toes; it’s something I’ve loved since I can remember.

I look around and the beach is empty. It’s too early for any of the occupants of the other mansions in the neighborhood to be out here.

Hope blossoms in my chest that Mason might have decided to cancel our rendezvous and I check my phone to see if he texted me.

“Hey, Lula.”

His voice comes from right behind me and I jump, almost dropping my phone.

I close my eyes, steadying my breath and squaring my shoulders before I turn to face him.

“Mason.”

I don’t smile and I fight the tremor in my voice.

He looks at me for a long moment before getting right to the point. “How did your drop off go?”

I wish I could say that I don’t show him any weakness, but it would be complete bullshit.

Mason’s dark eyes tracks the movement of my throat as I swallow the lump of fear that makes it hard to speak.

Eventually I’ll have to admit how I fucked up and lost his bag and I’m a big believer in ripping a BandAid off without prolonging the agony.

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