Page 20 of Shameless

Or maybe not.

“Fuck!”

I punch the wall of our bungalow like a complete dumb ass. The impact with the bricks is painful and my hand throbs, pain shooting all the way up my arm.

It still isn’t enough.

I rear my arm back, ready to strike again. Pretending the wall is Lula’s stepfather and his son. Picturing Tiffany’s face in my mind.

I want to feel the pain. I need it to ground me or I’ll end up acting on every stupid, violent thought in my mind.

Something catches my fist before I can bring it down. Or I probably should say someone.

I struggle with the hold, ready to face Crew or Jules as I turn to look behind me.

I’m surprised when I see that the person holding my fist in a viselike grip isn’t one of my brother’s but Lula’s dad. My stepfather Tom.

“What are you doing, Stefan?” he asks, struggling against me when I shove to get out of his grasp.

“That’s none of your business,” I growl. “Get the fuck away from me.”

“I will if you stop punching the wall,” Tom grinds out, tightening his grip on my fist. “You’re gonna break your hand.”

I finally shove hard enough to set my hand free, turning to glare at Tom. “What do you care if I do?” I snarl. “You hate my guts and you think I’m an idiot, so leave me alone. Go back to doing what you do best, help Tiffany ruin Lula’s life.”

As usual Tom and I don’t see eye to eye. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You couldn’t offer the Country Club fast enough, when Tiffany’s husband decided to dump his family on us.” My tone is infused with all the frustration that has been bubbling inside me for years. Since Tom and Mom got together, effectively ending Lula’s summer vacations in Star Cove. Since the way I was shipped out to boarding school after I ran to New York to get Lula. Since Lula came back and Tom has made it more than clear how he doesn’t think I’m worthy of his daughter.

Tom doesn’t budge. “What was I supposed to do, Stef? Let them take Lula away from me again? I’ve just got my daughter back and the only reason she hasn’t taken off is that she’s forced to stay with us because of her probation. I don’t know if you realize that her stepfather is a powerful man and could pull all kinds of strings to take Lula with him or have her serve jail time. When Tiffany didn’t immediately fall in line with her husband’s orders, I knew she’d suggest Lula join the campaign. Let me tell you something, Stefan. Howard Johnston can’t stand my daughter. He sees her as an inconvenience that doesn’t fit the image of the perfect family he wants to portray for his campaign. He would have found an excuse to send Lula back to juvie or worse.”

He might be right, but I still hate that Tom let his ex and her husband call the shots. “Wouldn’t that hurt his campaign?” I argue.

“They have a plan,” Tom explains. “They sent Lula to California and kept her record sealed but they made it clear that if I couldn’t keep her out of trouble, Howard would feed Lula’s story to the press. He would send her to jail and make an example out of her to bolster his image as a righteous man who wouldn’t give special treatment to his own family.”

That sounds positively evil and I remember Lula saying something like that.

I still think that Tom should have done more to protect his own daughter. “I’m sick of everyone treating Lula like a problem they want to wash their hands of.” My glare makes him more than clear that when I say “everyone,” I mean him. “Sure, Lula fucked up. But why do you think she did? She tried her best to survive. You and Mom walked into the fucking sunset together, leaving her with Tiffany. And when her new husband’s creep of a son tried to touch her, no one helped her and no one even believed her.”

Tom grabs my forearm when I turn to walk away, inside the bungalow. “I believed her.”

My head spins so fast, I’m surprised I didn’t give myself backlash. “Did you? Cut the bullshit, Tom. I was there when you told me and Jules that Lula was coming to stay with us and you expected Jules and I to stay away from her. You saidone tryst with her stepbrotherwas enough. That doesn’t sound like you believed Lula’s version of the story.”

Tom sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I believed her. You know Lula as well as I do, Stef. My daughter would have never resorted to dealing drugs in exchange for protection unless she had no other choice.”

This is fucking crazy. “Then why did you say she was fucking around with her stepbrother? Why not tell Lula that you believed her? She’s convinced that both her parents think she’s a liar.”

He shakes his head. “It’s complicated. I just wanted to do what was best for her, Stefan.”

“Complicated?” I snort. “That’s some bullshit. How is letting her believe you think the worst of her best for her?”

Tom exhales a frustrated breath. “I don’t expect you to understand. I’m not saying I didn’t fuck up. I believed her and I tried to fight Tiffany for custody but her husband is a judge and they obliterated me in court. When you ran away to join her in New York, I knew something really bad must have happened. Lula would have never asked you to do something that reckless unless it was serious.”

This doesn’t make any sense.

“But then… why?” I can’t hide my exasperation.

“When Tiffany asked for my help, she spewed her version about Lula having a consensual relationship with Evan. I knew it was a lie or my ex would have never sent her to California. Tiffany has always been obsessed with marrying rich. She made me and your mother look like the bad guys but she had been cheating on me for years. None of her affairs ever turned into more until Howard. If Arianna and I hadn’t gotten together that summer,Tiffany would have filed for divorce anyway. And do you know what she wanted even more than a rich husband for herself?”

---