Page 14 of Shameless

I forget the horrors of the last few hours, letting them guide my body into a place where all that matters is their touch.

When one of Crew’s fingers enters me, I grind against it. I’m shameless, jonesing for the high of pleasure he can give me.Theycan give me. Dying for that floaty feeling where I feel loved, untouchable,safe.

I should know better though.

The world has shown me time and time again how safety and love seem to always be out of my reach, no matter how hard I try.

“Why am I not surprised that mere hours after three people have been brutally murdered, I find my daughter fooling around with her stepbrothers?”

My mother’s voice causes all the excitement to seep out of my body. The tension that pushed me to grind against Crew’s hand, seeking a much needed release, turns into something entirely different.

A whimper escapes my lips and Crew withdraws his finger, but doesn’t move away from me.

“I’m her stepbrother,” Stefan bites out, pulling me closer to his chest. “Crew isn’t. Get your facts straight,Tiffany.”

He says my mother’s name as if it left a bad taste in his mouth and I hide my face in his t-shirt, feeling the hard, chiseled muscle under the cotton.

“Whatever,” Tiffany spits out. “Just when I thought you couldn’t be more of a disappointment, Talulah. At least Evan comes from an excellent family. Jules and Stefan might have a home wrecking whore as mother, but once they’ll be able to access their trust funds, you’d want for nothing.Thisguy? He’s a penniless, failed jock. I wouldn’t let him touch him if I were you.”

My shame at being caught in such an intimate moment by my mother turns into fury.

“How dare you talk about Crew this way?” I snap, leaving the safety of Stefan’s chest to confront the woman who should have loved me and protected me but failed me at every turn. “He’s an amazing person and I don’t care what he’s going to do with his life, he’s going to succeed. He doesn’t need his daddy to buy his way into schools and to get him out of trouble. Crew is determined, smart and driven and he’s a loyal friend, who would do anything for the people he loves. He isn’t just so handsome that it’s almost unfair, his heart is even more beautiful than the rest of him. That’s why I’m falling for him.”

I’m so pissed at Tiffany that I overstep and say way more than I intended to reveal.

Crew has been adamant that he doesn’t do relationships and now I might have ruined everything.

“Do you mean it?” he asks, taking my hand into his much larger one. “Are you falling for me?”

Crew’s dark blue eyes are so intense that I can’t hold his gaze, worried about how he might feel about me. It’s too late to take it back though and I don’t want to. “I know you don’t feel the same way, Crew. It’s ok. But yeah, I?—”

He brings my fingers to his lips, pulling me away from Stefan and into his arms. “This isn’t the time or place to discuss our relationship, but I’m falling for you too. Your mom is right though. Thanks to what happened with Evan’s yacht in Cambridge, I got expelled from Harvard and the Cowboys dropped me. I owe him a lot of money and with Eddie gone, I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

I trace his jaw with my fingers, playing with the blond stubble that’s starting to grow after he probably didn’t have time to shave this morning. “I don’t care about money, Crew. We’ll figure it out.”

That was obviously the wrong thing to say in front of my mother.

“Ha.” Tiffany takes a deep drag from a thin, long cigarette. At least she came outside to smoke; her smoking in our apartment was the reason for countless fights during my parents’ marriage.

“I swear I tried my best with you, Talula. But I guess it’s impossible to fight your father’s influence and his genes. You have it in you to be a filthy little slut. If you can’t keep your panties on in front of a hot guy who doesn’t have the right bank account, at least you should fuck him in secret.”

Heat rises to my face. “Why do you make everything sound dirty? I care about each of them.”

Tiffany rolls her eyes. “God, you’re a hopeless romantic, like your father. Love won’t take you anywhere and it certainly won’t keep the lights on and designer clothes in your closet, Lula. Mendon’t fuck because they’re in love. Unless they’re pussies like your father. The men who matter want to possess us, they’re built to conquer, dominate. But they’re only interested as long as you’re young and pretty. This is why you have to be smart and keep them hooked until one of them puts a ring on it. And how do you do that? I’m not saying you need to be faithful, you just need to be smart about it. Let them all think they’re the only one and then choose the better suitor; the one that can provide the best lifestyle. Now that theseboysknow you spread your legs for all of them, they’re going to toss you aside once they get bored with you.”

I’ve heard Tiffany’s opinions about men and relationships all my life. If romantic relationships are truly the way she describes them, I never want to get married.

I know she’s wrong though.

I see it when I look at Dad and Arianna. Their relationship might not be perfect, it might not have had the best start, but I have no doubt that they love each other.

It’s the same between me and Stefan. We would give our lives for each other. Jules risked his life to save mine and while his actions have been misguided, he sacrificed to keep me safe from his vindictive ex.

Crew has been in my corner from the second we met, when no one else was.

“You’re wrong,Mom.”

Her face twist into a displeased grimace; or at least she tries but the Botox, or whatever she uses to try to freeze time, has also frozen her features.

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