Page 98 of Shameless

Tonight has been horrible so far, my world has come crashing down on me and I’m terrified that there’s no way out.

The realization hits me that if I don’t fight for what I want, I might lose everything.

That’s true when it comes to Jenna, but it’s also true when it comes to Lula.

My first instinct is to storm off. I can’t stand here looking at the three of them together.

Another part of me though wants to walk to them and rip Lula out of their arms.

I love her and I know she feels the same way about me. They have no right to kiss her and touch her in front of me.

I clear my throat, unsure about what I want to do. All I know is that I can’t stand here watching them together.

“Jules,” she calls, breaking the kiss with Stefan but not leaving her place between my two brothers.

The words tumble out of my mouth before I have the chance to fully process the situation. “I’m leaving.”

My feet are rooted to the ground though, my fingers grabbing the wood of the doorframe to Lula’s room with white knuckle force.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

I don’t want to leave either, but do I want to stay?

I hate that they’re kissing her, that they have their hands on her. I hate the way she’s giving herself to them with complete trust.

The way her nipples are straining against her dress, the sight of her chest heaving with each breath as Stefan cups her tits are fucking with my mind.

I hate to see her with them… right?

The answer is yes but I don’t just hate it.

I also think it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen and I fucking hate myself for it.

“You want me to stay.” It isn’t a question but I don’t hide my hesitation.

“I need you, Jules.”

My feet carry me to the middle of the room. I stop just a few steps short from her. “I need you too.”

Nothing I’ve ever said has ever been truer. In the tangled mess my life has become, Lula is the only constant. The only thing I need to keep breathing.

“You need them too.” Again, not a question.

Lula nods. “I love you. I love all three of you. Earlier at dinner when Dad asked you how can I possibly date you all, you said that we’ll figure it out. I already have. You, Stefan and Crew are a part of me. I love you so much. I can’t choose just one of you. Not now, not ever.”

I feared this would be the case.

“You expect me to share you with them?”

The raw vulnerability in her words hits me hard. “Only if you want to. You aren’t sharing my heart, each of you has all of it. You don’t have to share me this way, Jules. But I would love it if you stayed.”

I don’t know what to do.

There’s no way I’m ever going to give Lula up. So I guess I’m gonna have to accept that neither are Stefan and Crew.

Knowing she loves them and she’s intimate with them is one thing, though. Can I actuallybewith her while she’s with them?

The answer varies depending on which part of me you ask. My brain says this is a recipe for disaster. I’m too possessive to share her to that extent.

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