Page 29 of Shameless

The deep voice comes literally from nowhere and I jump, dropping my precious loot on the floor.

Fuck.

A large hand covers mine as I reach for it.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I murmur as Crew pushes me against him, closing his arms over my chest.

My back is flush with his front, his head lowered to speak into my ear.

To my surprise, he doesn’t sound angry.

“Baby, I thought we agreed you wouldn’t do this. You promised you’d call me if you felt the need to use.”

He’s right and if he hadn’t caught me, I would have broken my promise to him.

Tears well in my eyes, but they’re more because I’m letting myself down even more than anyone else.

“Sorry, I just?—”

I stop. There’s nothing I can say to change the fact that I was caught red handed and that despite feeling like shit about it, a part of me still wants to light that joint and swallow those pills.

Crew turns me around to face him, his dark blue eyes searching mine. “Talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s wrong.”

I snort. “What’s wrong? We’d be here until next summer and I thought you were going to the club to help bring Jules’s stuff back to the apartment by the garage?”

My attempt to divert his attention doesn’t work. “I was, but I’ve been watching you the entire ride home. Something is wrong and I asked Stefan to tell everyone that I wasn’t feeling well either and came to check on you.”

I’m grateful and mad at him at the same time.

“Where’s Napoleon?”

Again, my attempt to distract him doesn’t work. “In the kitchen. I gave him that quail or whatever the chef gave us. He’s having the best time of his life eating his dinner from Masha’s bowl. She’s still at the doggy hotel, so she won’t mind. Lula,” he laces his fingers with mine. “If you don’t talk to me, I can’t help you.”

My voice is barely above a whisper. “Maybe I’m beyond help.”

“I don’t believe that.” Crew bites out. “I’m here for you, Lula. Tell me why you think you need these drugs.”

He’s so gorgeous and patient and calm. He isn’t freaking out on me when he should.

I know eventually he will. Everyone always leaves me when they realize that I’m not worthy of their love.

That thought takes hold in my mind and I spiral until I reach snapping point.

I’m the one who’s angry now. At Crew, at my parents, at the entire world. “Oh I don’t know,” my voice is laced with venom and sarcasm. “You choose. I almost died last night when I crashed the boat I stole like a dumbass. Jules wasn’t even decent enough to let me die in the water. Then I wouldn’t have had to see three people shot to a pulp. Oh and the first thing my mom said when she saw me for the first time after dropping me here—after weeks without a phone call—the very first thing she saidwas that maybe I was to blame for those murders. She’s always blamed me for everything that’s wrong in her life since the day I was born. I’m sure if you ask Tiffany, she’ll find a way to prove that I’m responsible for global warming.”

I’m so furious that my chest is heaving as I struggle to let it all out.

“Last night I lost something in the storm,” I admit. “And I’m not even sure what the consequences will be. I just know that it’s more trouble added to the shit show that my life has been since the last summer I was here.”

Crew latches onto my last words. “What did you lose in the storm, Lula? Maybe I can?—”

I can’t. I can’t tell him. He’s no match for Mason anyway. “That doesn’t even matter right now, Crew. I thought I was safe here. Sure, things were far from perfect, but at least I was safe from him. And now he’s back and…”

I tell him about my encounter with Evan on the ferry.

“Motherfucker.” Crew’s eyes flash with barely repressed fury. “Let me deal with him. When I’m done with his ass, he’ll wish he had never crossed paths with me or you.”

My eyes well with tears, but I’m so worked up, I can’t even cry. “You need to stay away from Evan, Crew. I mean it. He’s nothing but trouble and he’s already ruined your life enough. If anything happens to him, he’ll press charges, he’ll destroy you.”

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