Page 101 of Shameless

Lula shakes her head, determination shining in her eyes. “I’m never going to regret anything with you.”

I know she means all three of us.

The thought of taking her that way is almost too exciting to think about. Sharing Lula with Crew was one of the hottest things I’ve ever done. Having Lula that way with both my brothers? That would be proof that we can do this thing. That we can coexist and put our jealousy aside, putting Lula first like she deserves.

“Have you ever done it?” Crew asks the question on the tip of my tongue. “Not the four way thing, I’m pretty sure you haven’t. I’m talking about the back door stuff.”

The adorable blush on her face goes one shade darker.

Usually I wouldn’t waste an opportunity to tease her a little about it, but something in her eyes tells me this is serious. “Jumps?” I coax. “Whatever it is, you can tell us.”

Her voice trembles. “It was last night. He was pinning me to the floor and no matter how hard I fought, he was bigger and stronger. There was so much hatred in his eyes when he told me what he wanted to do to me.”

I have to fight the urge to leave this room to go in search of Evan and end his useless, miserable life once and for all. But I promised Lula I’ll be with her forever and with what I would do to that motherfucker, there’s no way in hell I’d get away with murder.

“He told me he would fuck me in every hole. So that whenever one of you touched me, I would think about him.” One tear slides down the slope of Lula’s cheek. “The three of you had all my firsts so far. My first kiss,” she looks at me. “My first time. I couldn’t stop thinking that he would take something that should have been yours. That if one of you ever touched me there, I would have been back in that boathouse, struggling under Evan’s weight.”

Fuck.

A part of me doesn’t think it’s the right reason to do this, but I actually understand where she’s coming from.

Firsts always have a special meaning. That’s why I never went all the way with someone even though I had plenty of hookups. I wanted my first time to be special and I couldn’t be happier that I waited. Having that moment with Lula was how it was supposed to be and a memory I’ll always cherish.

“I get it.” I say.

“I hope I’ll never have to use tonight’s memory to block out something horrible. But please, make me feel like I’m yours. All of me. Always and forever.”

Fuck.

When she puts it like this, how can we refuse her?

I look at Crew and Jules and I know they feel the same way I do.

“You got it, Jumps.” I bring her knuckles to my lips. “But if you’ve never done the ass stuff, we need to make sure we don’t hurt you.”

Her eyes are full of trust in us. “I know you’ll never hurt me.”

“Have you thought about how you want to do this?” Jules asks.

She nods. “I have. I would prefer it if the one who goes behind me had some experience with it, since I’m totally new at it.”

“That means I’m out.” I’m equally relieved and disappointed about it.

On one hand, I would love to have another first with Lula; but I’m also truly terrified I would hurt her and I’m happy not to have that responsibility.

“No offense Stef,” she giggles. “But you were never in the running for that. At least not for the first time.”

“Wait, why?” I gasp, suddenly feeling insecure.

Lula’s lips curl in a cheeky smile. “Forgive me but you’re a little too big,” she runs her index finger from the base of my semi to the tip, circling the ridge by the crown and sending blood rushing down with every touch. “To take you in my ass, I need some training.”

Crew and Jules laugh. “Shut up you two.” I scowl. “What I hear is ‘Stefan has the biggest cock in the room.’”

There could be some hurt feelings over this, but Lula knows how to handle our egos. “I’m not saying that you two have anything to worry about. Stefan is the tallest even though you’re all above average. I think it’s all in proportion.”

Appeased by Lula’s reasoning, I look at my brothers. “So, since it’s not gonna be me and Lula prefers someone who knows what he’s doing, let’s hear it from the two of you.”

There’s a beat of silence as Jules and Crew look at each other.

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