Page 21 of Dependable Cowboy

Yet she couldn’t get rid of the feeling that what he wanted from her was more than she could give. They ordered—she purposely asked for the least expensive meal on the menu—and she tried to eat what was set before her but felt so guilty. To make matters worse, she realized that Aaron had been trying to carry the conversation all by himself.

“And then Bessie let out this crazy noisy moo, letting us know she’d be okay,” he finished up, but she hadn’t been listening to a word he’d been saying. “Why do I feel like you’re not enjoying tonight? Do you not like what you ordered? If so, we’ll get you something else.”

She wasn’t enjoying tonight. But not due to anything that was his fault. And ordering something elseon topof what she already had would only compound the issue.

“Look, you’ve gotta give me a hint or something because I feel like I’m failing tonight, and I don’t even know why,” he continued, and a sore spot the size of a grapefruit developed in her chest. Like someone had hauled off and slugged her there.

Maybe it was her conscience.

“You’re not failing at anything,” she attempted to reassure him, gripping onto his arm. But as fast as she clasped at him, she let him go. Couldn’t be sending the wrong signals. At least not more than she already was.

“Think I have the solution…” His face brightened as the server approached with what turned out to be dessert. “Strawberry cheesecake ice cream. It’s your favorite, right?”

It was. It so was. Yet him stabbing her through the heart might’ve felt better. Still, she felt touched that he remembered and tried so hard to think of that and only that.

“Remember that pumpkin patch you guys tried to grow that time,” she said, relieved that she could come up with a topic of conversation for once tonight.

Aaron talked animatedly about the pumpkin patch, the corn maze, and his family’s attempt at pumpkin juice, none of which worked. The pumpkins were too small and few of them reached the size of a softball when they should’ve been more like basketballs. The corn had been so patchy that people could see through the “walls.”

And the pumpkin juice tasted horrible. Like a mix between cough syrup and a spiced pumpkin latte that had soured.

For a moment, Joy felt more upbeat, especially when they left the restaurant without him making any sort of declaration or grand gesture. It made an argument that they were still just friends. That they would bestayingjust friends.

Until he escorted her to her door. Kara was at Joy’s parents’ house, so she couldn’t use her daughter as an excuse to not welcome him in. And when he kissed her, she forgot to protest it.

At first, everything felt right. She became caught up in the feel and taste of Aaron. The one hundred percent of focus he gifted to her as he united their lips together. But in the next instant, guilt again landed on her like an anvil, making her yank herself away.

“Aaron, I’m sorry, but I can’t,” she gasped. “I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?” He looked utterly baffled, and she couldn’t even blame him.

“I can’t… I need to talk to you about Wayne.”

Aaron seemed perfectly receptive. Open, even. “Okay. Tell me whatever you need to tell me.”

So she launched into the briar patch that was her marriage and how it eventually fell to pieces. She discussed the series of disappointments they’d each suffered and the habits her husband had unfortunately developed.

“I didn’t know about the drugs initially. I suspect now that he’d probably been doing them for a while when I discovered him with them. He was getting sloppy, started caring more about getting high than the subterfuge needed to hide them. There wasthe lost job he didn’t inform me about, and it all was spiraling. Then, he simply didn’t come home one day.”

Joy explained about all the avenues she took to try and locate him, and when she finally gave up. When she decided the best thing she could do was come home. Back to Rocky Ridge.

Aaron had been sitting on her couch, but now he pushed to his feet. “I’m sorry you went through all that, but you’ve listed him as missing, right?”

“Yes.”

“And he’s been missing for over a year.”

“Nineteen months at this point.”

“So, did you divorce him?”

Joy swallowed, and it hurt to do so. “No.”

“No?” Aaron sounded incredulous. His eyes went wide as he put out his hands as if to steady himself. “Wait, you’ve been dating me, kissing me, and you’re stillmarried?”

“He’s gone, Aaron. Chances are that he’s dead.”

“But if he’s not dead, we’ve been…” He halted his words midsentence, dragging his hands through his hair. Hair she herself had been cutting for him.

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