Page 23 of His Obsession

“How did we go from you riding your neighbor's face and me hearing and seeing you come repeatedly to you inviting me over for dinner?” he asks. “Did you break up?”

“We never dated,” I laugh. “Also, dinner is the bonus. That’s not why I invited you over.”

“Then why?” he asks. I plate our food and set them on the island with our wine before gesturing for him to sit with me.

“I have spent my entire life as a loner. I avoided making connections because I was afraid of getting hurt or abandoned. This means I have never dated. I have never slept with the same person more than a few times, because I always was broken up with for being too distant. I have been told more times than I cancount that I lack emotion. You had never seen me even smile, and I’ve worked for you since I was an intern,” I say.

“How does that lead to you asking me to come over?” he asks.

“Lucian wants something from me that I’ll never be able to give him, and it hurts,” I say. “It hurts that I will never be capable of giving myself to him entirely. It’s not fair to him. I had to make the choice to cut him out of my life, and now I’m back to being lonely. I’m trying to show myself that I can be alone and not be lonely. My mother did it and she was happy, by all accounts.”

“So, you want Lucian, but you feel like he will want more than you can give, so you want to fuck me instead?” he asks, and I laugh.

“I just want to forget that I miss him,” I say honestly.

“Let’s eat and we can go from there,” he says.

We switch our conversation to work as we eat. It’s a topic that doesn’t require much thought because it comes to me naturally. We talk long after our plates are empty, and we entirely wander into the living room to sit.

He pulls my legs into his lap and is gently rubbing my feet as we talk. I eventually move to sitting on my knees facing him while leaning against the back of the couch. He turns on the couch to face me more and stops talking.

“What?” I ask with a small smile.

“You say that you are not capable of giving him all of you, but I think you are,” he says.

“That is the weirdest way I have ever been rejected,” I laugh. “I am content just talking.”

“Elise, honey. I would love nothing more than to bend you over this couch and give you an evening where you can forget about everything bothering you, but you and I both know it won’t help anything,” he says as he gently tucks a stray hair behind my ear.

“Says who?” I laugh.

“Says the man behind you glaring at me,” he says with a smirk. I close my eyes and sigh when I feel hands on my shoulders, gently kneading my muscles.

“You called Lucian,” I say as I open my eyes and glare at Jake.

“He is my leader, so I am required to,” he says simply. “We are not allowed to touch someone marked by a leader or council member.”

I abruptly pull away from everyone and get off the couch to move across the room. “Get out,” I say.

“Sit, Elise,” Lucian says.

“Fuck you,” I bark. “Get the fuck out of my home. Both of you.”

“Sit,” he says with a warning in his voice.

“No. I’m done. I’m selling this goddamn house and moving. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this town is a fucking…” I start to say but stop when Lucian suddenly advances on me. He doesn’t put his hands on me, but he puts his hands on the wall to either side of my body.

“This town is a what, Elise?” he asks.

“A cult,” I say simply. “Your meetings and ritualistic public sex. You spy on everyone. You are apparently the leader of this bullshit. It’s a cult. My aunt. Or mother. Whatever. She was in a fucking cult, got raped, and gave me up. Now, she dragged me into this hell because she fucking died without giving me any answers. I should’ve fucking called the cops on you the first time I told you to go away, and you didn’t. The first time you broke into my fucking house while I was sleeping, I should’ve fucking killed you. Once again, I’m the dumbass who fell for it. I thought for once, maybe someone gave a shit, but all it was is an excuse to be used. For all I know, my mother's rapist is still in this fucking cult.”

“Are you done?” he asks.

“Sure,Leader. Preach to me about the gospel of whatever fucked up, perverted shit you guys have going on here. Tell me how I will beso lucky,to be a part of the movement,”I say with as much attitude as I can manage.

“We are not a cult. We are a group of adults that for generations have decided that sex is human nature. Nothing is off limits, so long as everyone is consenting. Yes, we have certain rituals and traditions, but we arenota cult. I don’t have a gospel to preach.I simply am here to lead and encourage others. There’s no movement because not everyone is going to enjoy this lifestyle,” he says. “Don’t deny for a fucking second that you haven’t enjoyed every fucking moment of being a part of this. Do not sit there and lie to me or yourself and pretend like it doesn’t bring you peace. I saw it all over your face last week when you submitted to me, but it scares you. The closer I get to you, the more you push me away because you are fucking terrified that I’m going to hurt you, and I get it. I get that you are scared. I get that you are not used to someone wanting to commit to you and meaning it. The one and only person who sought you out and you developed a connection with died. If you need time, I will give you time. Just stop fucking lying to me.”

“You’ll leave just like everyone else. I’ll be left alone to pick up the pieces of my soul when you do. If you want to be responsible for me losing a part of myself when you inevitably disappear, fine. If you want me so badly, you can have me, but don’t fucking complain when I’m not what you think I am. I will never be the woman that you want. I will never be able to submit to you in the way you are asking. You will never be able to sleep peacefully next to me without enduring my violent nightmares that keep me up for days on end. You will never find the emotions in me that you want, because they don’t fucking exist anymore. When a grown man and his son raped me violently for hours, I lost the ability to truly be happy. I lost a piece of myself in that house that I will never get back. So, if that’s what you want, fine. Take it. Take whatever you want from me. Everyone else does, so what’s one more person?”

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